Frogs

Clint, look out!

Ah. Now you did it.

Oh, am I glad you're not hurt.

Those canoes aren't very stable. It was just one of those things!

Just one of those things, Mac.

I admit it, it was stupid.

We were out testing this baby,

and I thought we'd sneak up on you and make a few waves.

- I guess I blew it, huh? - The sound you hear...

is the wind rushing through my brother's head.

Look, all I can say is I'm sorry.

Just let me have a list of all your stuff, and I'll replace it.

- You got any diving gear? - You can't dive here.

The bottom drops off, and besides, the mud is so thick you couldn't see two feet.

Believe me, I've been down there.

We're both really sorry. Really.

My name is Clint Crockett, if you wanna know.

- I'm Karen. - Smith.

- What, just Smith? - Pickett Smith.

Hello.

It is a canoe.

And there is a stranger with them.

Damn it, Stuart, get down there and find out what the devil's going on.

- They'll be up here in two minutes. - If it's an inconvenience--

Ah, there's the pirate camp.

- How are you at badminton? -

How about tennis?

I play.

Clint loves to play games he's sure to win. How are you at ping-pong?

Lousy. I just wanna dry out a little bit. Then I'll be on my way.

You'd better forget it, pal. You're fresh blood for our fun and games.

Now, how would you like to partake in a nice, friendly wage?

At least we owe you a drink or two and some lunch.

- Really, I don't wanna intrude. - Intrude?

No, tonight's very family, very traditional.

But this afternoon is practically a picnic. We'd love to have you.

How about it, buddy?

Alright.

Mr. Smith, this is my uncle, Stuart Martindale.

- Pickett Smith. - Mr. Martindale. - How do you do?

- What happened? - Well, I was testing the new engine,

ran into Smith's canoe and I swamped him.

- Seems the canoe swamped you. - Something like that.

Mr. Smith accepted our offer to stay for lunch.

Delightful. I'll tell Maybelle.

You tell Jason.

As soon as Grandpa gets a look at you,

Karen will show you to my room.

- You will do that, won't you, Karen? - I will.

I'll get you some dry clothes. See you then.

Clint, where you going? - Gotta change clothes, Grandpa.

- Karen, what's going on? - Grandpa, this is Pickett Smith.

- Mr. Smith, Jason Crockett. - Hello, Mr. Crockett.

- My cousin, Michael Martindale. - Hi.

Well, Karen? - Clint didn't know what he was doing out there,

and we nearly ran Mr. Smith down.

So we fished him out. Now we're gonna offer him a little food and drink.

- After he gets changed out of his wet clothes. Just a moment.

Mr. Smith, I saw you out on the lake early this morning.

You've been paddling around this island for hours...

taking pictures. - Yes, sir.

- Don't you know that's against the law? - Oh, Grandpa.

- No, sir, I didn't. - There's a sign out there that says private property.

- Who were you with anyway? - I'm a freelance photographer.

I'm doing a pollution layout for an ecology magazine.

Take any pictures of frogs lately?

I saw the biggest bullfrog this morning. This big.

The damn creatures are everywhere. Croak all night.

Well, you know I sent Grover out to take care of that.

Mr. Smith, did you happen to see a man spraying in that small bay on the north shore?

Later. This man has gotta change out of his wet clothes.

- Grover's not back yet? - He'll be back, Karen.

- I'd like to call my editor. Can I use your phone? - Oh, sure. Right there.

And when you're finished, I'll introduce you to the rest of the family.

It's dead.

Oh, you'll get a dial tone. We're on a regular line.

It's dead.

It's probably just the holiday. It'll come back on soon.

- Oh, Karen, look what the kids did. Cute, huh? - It's adorable.

Jenny, uh, this is Mr. Pickett Smith.

- This is Clint's wife, Jenny. - Hi, Jenny.

Hello. Well, where's Clint?

He's upstairs changing his wet clothes.

- What happened? -

It's a long story.

Yeah, it usually is.

Come on. I'll introduce you to the rest.

Okay, you all, time out. A quick hello to Pickett Smith.

- This is my aunt Iris. - How do you do?

- How are you? - And, uh, my cousin Kenneth Martindale.

And miss Bella Berenson. Pickett Smith.

- Hi. - Welcome to Crockettland.

Hi. I'm not quite awake yet, Mr. Pickett,

but I can hardly wait to see what you look like.

Well, now you can take that shower that you were promised.

Uh, Clint and Jenny's bedroom is the second door on the right upstairs, okay?

Okay.

Kenneth, where do you suppose he came from?

Mom, your guess is as good as mine.

There. Finished. Do you think Daddy will like it?

The monarch I just caught.

I think it's the largest specimen ever found in this state.

And the other one I got at the Vermont farm.

Butterflies are really in, Mrs. Martindale.

Oh, I'm so glad I'm in, Bella. Now, where's that metallic paper?

I must get this wrapped before lunch.

Didn't I tell you that a weekend here would be something else?

Do you find it a little weird for a middle-aged lady to chase butterflies?

Honey, if that's her thing, I do believe she's entitled.

Me, myself, I just never had the energy to run after anything.

Perfect timing, pal. Caught you looking at my jersey, didn't I?

- Looks like you were quite a jock. - Well,

it was my wife's idea.

You see, she's still impressed with me ever since I was the school's highest scorer.

Oh, yeah?

I don't think I've ever heard of Mid-West Valley Central.

Not everybody has. But I hope my two go there. You'll meet them later.

That picture. That's Jenny when she was a cheerleader.

- Pretty girl. - Yeah, I'd say she was too. Always was.

Recognize old Clint? Huh?

I'm the same weight now I was when I was playing. Not one extra pound.

It's really funny.

Jenny's just got a few more extra little tiny bags under her eyes.

That's about all.

Come on. Why don't we help ourselves to some dry clothes?

I think it'll make us both feel pretty good, huh?

Good, girl. Do it.

Yeah!

- - Pretty, pretty, pretty.

- Aha. - Mr. Kenneth, I have a message from your Grandfather.

With or without the profanity, Charles?

I was told to quote him exactly. "Has your damn watch stopped?"

- Message received, Charles.

Has your agency ever thought of packaging your Grandfather to give him a new image?

He knows he's not popular with the public or his family, and he revels in it.

Well, he treats me nice enough.

He wouldn't dare admit that we've shaken him up.

Nobody ever invites guests fourth of July, and I bring you.

A girl, and worse, a sexy model.

And that ain't all either.

But would Jason ever admit we shook him up? Never.

Well, it looks like most of the family have joined us.

Clint, any reason why your children should be 12 minutes late?

Where are they, Jenny?

Grandfather, you know how difficult it is to get those kids away from the pool.

And on a day like this?

Well, I told them.

I told those kids 20 minutes ago to get out of their wet suits...

and change for lunch.

Jenny, far be it for me to tell you how to raise your children.

If you forbid them the use of the pool...

until they've learned the rules of being at meals on time.

Well, it's not my fault.

I'll make sure they understand that, sir.

Hey, everybody, look! Look what I found! Look what I found.

He's gigantic.

Don't be so stupid, Jay.

Don't, Mike. That's mine.

Now, listen, Jay, Tina, you're both late.

Now go sit down and eat your food.

Jay, you were right. He was gigantic.

Oh, I hate those things, and that make so much noise.

Just making everybody crazy.

Oh, nonsense, Jenny.

You see many frogs along the shore, Mr. Smith?

- Yes, sir, a few. - More than you consider usual?

I guess so, but sometimes they have a summer like this.

Animals overpopulate.

They'll die off by next year.

You sound like you might be an ecology expert. Are you?

Yes, sir, to an extent.

Well, you see, I have an impatient family. They can't wait till next year.

How do they get rid of the frogs now?

Well, it seems like everyone in our family is hung up on frogs.

They really do keep us awake every night.

Those of us who don't consume a fifth of vodka every night, that is.

- Which reminds me. - How do we get rid of 'em?

I have suggested pouring oil on the water to choke them off.

That would help, wouldn't it, Mr. Smith?

Yeah, but you'd be killing other things at the same time.

Make my home smell like a refinery.

- Well, I can't sleep. - It's not the end of the world, Jenny.

Well, it seems so.

With all our technology and all my money,

we still can't get rid of these frogs.

- Interesting, isn't it? - Yes, sir, it is.

- You'll think of something. - Well, I suggest you do me a favor.

Go take a good look around.

Come back, give me an honest report so I can quiet down this nervous group.

Alright. You have a deal.

Good.

These things feel a lot better.

- Thank Maybelle for drying them for me, will you? - I surely will.

And congratulations. You seem to have impressed Grandpa.

- That's good. - You have a nice trip.

Okay. I'll see you later.

Mr. Smith, may I see you a moment?

That'll be all, Michael.

- I was on my way out, Mr. Crockett. - Would you mind closing the door?

Now, if I might ask a small favor.