Breaking In

Oh, would you pass me a...

Absolutely. Oh, thank you, dear.

Oh. And some...

There you go.

Now don't forget to pick up the thing

from the place this afternoon.

Oh, I tried, but they didn't have it.

Well, get the other thing.

But it's all the way across town.

Okay. Fine. I'll do it.

Good boy. For you.

You guys know you're totally married, right?

Green Card married. Not real.

Seems real to me. You see that domestic ballet?

She oatmealing you, you tea bagging her?

You're so lucky. I have to tea bag myself.

Would you leave the man alone?

Cam is just being a broski,

taking Molly off the market till I make my move.

It's all part of the ODC. The OD... What?

Don't ask. It's a whole thing.

ODC...

Dawson's Creek.

Now before you is my 22-step plan to end up with Molly.

I'm Dawson,

Molly is Joey,

and you're Jen, the town slut.

Not to be this guy, but that's, like, the whitest show ever.

That is such a Jen thing to say.

You're a fan of the Creek?

Finally, something we agree on.

What the hell is on the roof?

Oz, why do you have a trident?

Why don't you? Now answer the question...

Why is there a huge electronic billboard on my roof?

Because this place needs to make some mad ducats,

so I made a sweet deal to rent it out as ad space.

Did you, by any chance, ask what ads they would be running?

Way to go, Vee.

You just allowed our rival company

to use our building to say that we totally suck.

Come on. Don't exaggerate. It doesn't say that.

- Oh. - Ooh.

Shaw's a dead man.

You know, maybe I shouldn't have signed that 20-year lease.

Well, well, well.

I always knew you were beneath me, Oz.

And now the world does, too.

Carol, grab my trident.

Ah, hang on. No need for fancy aquatic weaponry.

Just swung by to admire my billboard

and savor the moment of me riding your ass.

That sounded really gay, baby.

Yeah, I know. Just drive!

Make no mistakes about it, ladies. We're at war.

And Shaw drew first blood.

Retaliation will be swift and merciless. What do you got?

The servers for these billboards are Swiss cheese.

I can make it say anything we want.

Any suggestions?

That's amazing. I love it!

Truth in advertising.

Guys, huge problem. You gotta come see this.

So predictable, Oz.

I knew you'd have your second rate hacker

try to mess with my billboard, which is why

I installed a Trojan horse on the HDMI connection.

Cam, shut it down.

I'm locked out of our system.

As we speak, a worm is

destroying your entire storage network.

Cam. Almost there.

You lose, Oz.

You've been jerking me around for years,

but now it's my turn to jerk you,

and I'm gonna keep jerking until you explode.

That sounds kind of gay, baby.

What? No. That's a totally hetero threat.

All right. I shut it down before our files got wiped.

But not before it robo-spammed your address book

and said we're out of business.

Robo-spam? Worms?

What the frick is going on? Are we in the future?

Cam, reconfigure the firewall, then re-reconfigure it.

Cash, damage control.

Contact every client that got that e-mail.

Molly, explain everything that's going on to Veronica.

I'm gonna take down that slimy little rodent once and for all.

Crazy day today, wasn't it?

Even for Contra.

Well, it's not over yet.

I still gotta lock down that firewall for Oz.

Oh, well, don't stay up too late, dear.

Mwah. Night.

What the hell was that? What was what?

Don't ignore it. We kissed.

We both did it like it was totally natural.

Oh, my God. We're married.

No. No. No. No. We're not married.

Did you just wash my underpants?

Married. Married.

Good morning, Veronica. Here's today's schedule,

these papers need signing,

I kissed Cameron, and your car is being dropped off to get washed.

Wait. What? When?

How? And why?

Come here! Tell me everything.

Was it, like, full open mouth, '80s-style?

It was more like a peck.

Can't you keep your tiny peck in your pants?

We're at war with Shaw. No distractions.

How did you kiss him? French? Eskimo? Butterfly? Spider-man? Vampire?

Just the regular kind.

It was nice.

I mean, I've been so hung up on Melanie for so long,

but now she's gone,

and maybe it's time I just moved on.

Yes! From this subject.

Mmm. Yeah.

All aboard the train to Bonetown.

No. I'm not sure I'm ready to purchase a ticket

for that particular train yet,

but I have thought about looking at the schedule.

Look, whatever you do with your pseudo-wife,

Cash cannot find out about it.

I need our Prankmaster General on his "A" game.

Let me pour a little sauce on this for you.

I call it Cheese Doodle.

That's our target.

Shaw's office has a pressure-sensitive floor

and audio detection sensors in the walls.

One sound, and you're found.

It seems a lot like Impossible.

What? No, it's totally different.

I'll drop down from the ceiling

and suspend over the desk about an inch.

It's gonna be awesome.

Totally awesome. Also totally Impossible.

What's next? You're gonna rip off your face

and reveal you're Ving Rhames? Well, actually, I...

Ah, no. We're not doing the face thing, Cash.

But masks are fun. Shutty.

This model's gonna self-destruct in five seconds.

No.

That took me hours to build!

Good! Channel that anger towards Shaw.

We're gonna hit him hard tonight.

Remember, silence is golden.

No matter what happens, no talking.

New clients are here, baby.

Mmm. More Contra converts.

Please come in. Have a seat.

How's my face? Am I rocking a dust-stache?

You're good, baby. Okay.

Okay, people, I'm gonna make this short.

Why should you leave Contra? Because they got hacked.

They can't even protect their own information.

How can they possibly protect yours?

Fact, Double Dragon is impenetrable,

the best.

And you have my word that our level of...

What is going on with my mouth?

Looks like you're a little bit tongue-tied.

I wonder why.

Ah. Ah.

You've just been Impossible'd.

You're right. Masks are fun.

Oh! You son of a bitch. You did this.

Fact, Double Dragon is more than penetrable.

The rumors of Contra's demise were greatly exaggerated.

Now if you'll all just follow me

for some complimentary Contra snuggies.

Hey, Mol. Just cooked us some nice celebratory takeout dinner

for kicking Shaw's ass.

Oh, I think that's you.

Hold on.

Melanie?

Looks like I'm a little rusty.

What the... What are you doing here?

Where have you been? How have you been?

I'll answer everything after.

After what?

I did everything I could to try to forget you.

I biked cross-country with the angels,

I caught some river monsters in Baja.

Did you have cell service out there?

I left you a million messages.

Some of them kind of embarrassing.

I listened to them. Oh, yeah?

Mmm-hmm. But I'm back anyway.

I... I, you know, I don't know.

Should we do this?

Yeah.

I'm in.

Um, I have something to tell you.

Cammy, I'm home.

Wait. Wait a minute.

Have you two been shagging in my bed?

Oh. She... You... You live together?

No. No. No. I mean, she does.