Elsewhere

Have you ever had a secret ...

that you couldn't live with keeping?

And you think about it so much ...

you begin to think that people can tell your secret ...

just by looking at you?

Hi, this is Janet.

I'm not here right now. Leave a message.

You have one unheard message.

Hey, sweetie. It's been a long time.

That's okay, though.

I know we'll talk when you're ready.

You've always done things at your own speed.

Ever since you were a little baby.

I guess I still think of you that way.

Well, you just give a call when you're ready. I'll be waiting.

Deleted.

You should stop smoking.

It makes me mysterious.

It makes you all wrinkly, and your breath smells like ass.

You are such a 'Girl Scout'.

They should give you the 'Golden Virgin Merit Badge'.

- What's up, Sarah? - Hey, Chris.

Where's Jillian at?

She's in back.

Hey, J, come on out a sec!

J, I want to talk to you!

Hey, hey! There's no shouting in here.

What a life.

Isn't there a bag of reefer someplace with your name on it?

Jillian, would you get out here?

I can't get any work done with these guys ...

Just stand still.

Ooh, Mr. P. I love a man who takes control.

Seriously, J,

is there anything with two legs that you wouldn't rub up on?

Yeah, Billy. You.

What do you want, Billy?

Oh, I just came by to, uh, invite you to a little party ...

that we're throwing tomorrow night over at Chris' garage.

You should come, too.

Ooh.

A group grope at the garage -- classy.

Well, you always liked them before.

When I was younger.

I've grown up. I'm more mature now.

Huh.

Well, something on you has definitely matured.

Too bad that's not the case with your little dick.

Ooh!

That's funny. I never heard you complain.

I didn't have time.

You know what, J?

I just came by to be nice ...

you know, show you no hard feelings.

But you are being such a bitch.

That's my name. Don't wear it out.

Seriously, you could be a little nicer.

You are so gonna get fired.

Sarah?

Your mom called,

and she said that she has to work late and you should pick up dinner.

Again?

Yeah. Thanks.

To parents ...

What?

You want some?

Come on. Don't be such a pussy.

Leave her alone.

So, do you want to go?

To what?

The garage?

Why?

Oh, my God! You're into Chris?

Take it from me -- you don't want to hang with those guys.

You do.

I know how to handle them.

So come with me, then.

Protect me.

I can't.

I have a previous engagement.

I thought you were done with local boys.

Who is it?

My cyber-boyfriend.

Come on. Cut the shit. Who is it?

Seriously. We met on the Internet.

- Ser-- Jillian? - What?

You've got to step into the future.

There's like 50 million people doing it.

Besides, the local talent pool is way too fucking shallow.

- Still ... - "Still" what?

Are you afraid I'm gonna end up like Janet Melville?

Just vanish one night,

leaving the Goshen soccer moms without their favorite babysitter?

The Goshen soccer moms would be psyched if you left town!

Yeah. No shit, right?

It'd be safe to let their sons out again.

What is this about?

Could we use the computer at your place?

Well, we can, but Big Brother's gonna be watching.

You don't have a brother.

I mean my mom put this spyware on the computer that --

Screw that.

Wait a minute.

I think we have our answer.

No, Jillian. Don't.

Don't be so weird. Don't --

Hey!

Jasper!

Come here.

Time to take one for the team.

Hello, ladies.

We're having some technical difficulties.

Let me take a look at that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you can't log onto this site with the library computers anymore.

Why not?

Some parents' group created all this drama over it ...

and said it was like a grocery store for child molesters.

You know, "too much mature content."

But I bet ... you have the password.

Well, of course.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Look, I could get fired.

Come on, Jas. Please? Just this once?

Please?

You can't tell anyone.

There. And please, don't let anyone see what you're doing.

Thanks, Jas.

Yeah, thanks, Jas.

Oh! Excuse me.

You're so ...

You're such a bitch. No, he doesn't.

What? He so totally does.

Trust me, all right? I have a knack ...

for men.

Okay, if that's what you want to call it.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

Bullshit.

- Oh, my God! Is that you? - Shh!

Holy shit! That is you!

- Jillian, what are you doing? - Would you keep it down?

You look like such a slut!

What the fuck? Would you keep it down?

Are you even wearing anything?

Sort of.

Oh, my God! That's crazy!

Oh, please. This is nothing.

I've seen pictures of guys, like, totally grabbing their dicks ...

and chicks like showing their bush.

Dude, why are you doing this?

I told you. To meet men.

Well ... It looks like it's working.

What is this?

You love to snowboard?

I would if I had the chance.

Besides, men don't care if you lie to them,

as long as they like the lie that you're telling.

Oh, my God. Look at this guy.

The "dumb show"? Yeah, he hits my inbox like a couple times a week.

And that, seriously, doesn't freak you out?

All these random guys can just look at you half-naked.

That's the point.

Besides, it's not like they know who I am.

And once you spend enough time on this thing,

you can tell pretty quickly who's being real and who's just a player.

- Oh, come on. - Come on. I'm bored.

Want to get out of here?

- No. I have to train. - Oh.

You want to come?

Um ...

Track star ...

porn star.

No way.

Hey, hon.

What a day.

What's for dinner?

From the Point.

Penguin Point.

How was your day today?

It was fine.

Sarah ...

I know I haven't been around a lot recently,

but as soon as this case is finished, I'm gonna have more time.

Mmm-hm.

Speaking of which ...

I have to finalize my travel plans for the deposition next week.

You sure you're gonna be okay staying by yourself?

Mom, I'll be fine.

Your father said he could take you.

Dad's, like, three hours away.

I'm old enough to take care of myself.

I guess that's what scares me.

Oh, you and Chris ...

make such a cute couple.

What's going on?

Batty Patty Melville strikes again.

So, I was thinking, you know, just in case she stopped by ...

to have one of those things she loved,

one of those -- oh, 'whatchamacallem' -- those ...