Ah Beng vs Liang Po Po

Breaking news.

A large number of Malaysians and Singaporeans

have exhibited symptoms such as bursting into laughter,

flipping tables, and rolling their eyes

after watching the Malaysia vs Singapore Showdown.

Our station advises that money-loving Malaysian workers

and sore-loser Singaporeans

should watch this program accompanied by children

to prevent loss of control.

MALAYSIA VS SINGAPORE SHOWDOWN

Hello to all our Malaysian and Singaporean viewers.

Welcome to Malaysia vs Singapore Showdown.

This program, since August 9, 1965,

the day Malaysia and Singapore parted ways,

has been airing every single day.

Although over the past 60 years

Malaysians and Singaporeans still bicker nonstop.

But Singaporeans still welcome them with open arms,

especially when cheap labor is suddenly urgently needed.

GASP

In short, these are all very basic examples

of "Malaysia-Singapore, one big happy family".

Isn’t that true?

MALAYSIA-SINGAPORE ONE BIG FAMILY

Malaysians and Singaporeans can argue about anything,

but there’s one topic

that’s instant death if you bring it up

That is...

food!

Exciting, isn’t it?

Now, let's welcome our Singaporean representative!

Standing up, 158 centimeters. Bent over, 120 centimeters.

The woman who greets everyone she meets with,

Liang Po Po!

Hi, everyone, I'm Liang Po Po from Singapore.

Actually... I’m kind of out of breath.

So I just go, "Huhuhuhu"

because I can’t control myself.

Singaporeans really like to complain.

Now let’s welcome, on my left, the Malaysian representative!

A man who’s spent his whole life mastering just one thing.

"Eating bananas" is serious business to him. Ah Beng!

Not eating bananas.

Complete idiot.

Let’s jump straight into today’s topic.

Bak kut teh!

BAK KUT TEH

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN CONTAINS VIOLENT ELEMENTS

No more chit-chat. Straight to our first question!

So tell me, did bak kut teh come from Singapore?

Or...

Definitely Singapore!

Legend has it that one year, a French ang moh named Francis

arrived at the Singapore harbor

and, for no apparent reason, handed a packet of pepper

to a dockworker named Ah Seng.

Ah Seng took it home for his grandma.

And what a coincidence, Grandma happened to have pork ribs.

So she just tossed everything in, cooked it anyhow,

and boom! Like striking the lottery,

it somehow turned out ridiculously delicious.

And that’s how Singapore’s bak kut teh came to be.

A complete idiot.

Pepper soup is just pepper soup. What’s all this talk about bak kut teh?

Everyone, open your eyes and see.

Bak kut teh clearly originated from Port Klang,

yet they insist on calling it Singaporean.

It’s only bak kut teh

if it’s simmered with those herbs into that dark broth!

These are Singaporean and Malaysian bak kut teh.

I want to complain!

All he did was swap Singapore’s port

for Port Klang.

He’s stealing my IP

in broad daylight.

I’m just stating the facts!

Unlike you people,

who always have to win and are scared of losing!

Your ma... ma...

- What "ma-ma"? - Ma... ma... ma...

Oh, you mean a mamak stall, huh?

We’ve got over 12,000 of them nationwide!

Okay, you win. We concede.

We’re not trying to compete with you on this.

Don’t forget. Right now, it’s

one-one-one versus your three and a half.

One versus our three is already pretty impressive.

But you Singaporeans

still have to come all the way to Johor to get our oil,

and you keep shaking at the back of the car.

That's not called shaking. That's called pushing.

We’re the ones pushing your economy.

It's we Malaysians who go to Singapore to boost your economy.

Coming here to be foreign workers, right?

You said we Malaysians are monkeys?

No! I swear to heaven I said foreign workers.

So what if we’re "malau"?

Better than you talking with your lungs. You’ve got TB!

Hey, old hag, let me tell you.

Your face... It’s like the MRT.

Wow, like MRT... So messy, can't even get out!

Wow, that’s a personal attack!

What do you mean by "rooster"? We have chicken curry here.

Salt-baked Hainanese chicken.

Hainanese chicken is Singaporean too?

But never mind. Singapore’s got you, this old hen!

I can't take it anymore.

Only you can do it?

Someone once told me To make money, go to Singapore

Change your cash, it triples

So what are you waiting for? Pack your bags!

The next-door neighbor is tempting

Being a foreign worker isn't so bad

When you have time, head back to Johor

Pump some petrol and refuel!

From KL to over there Like going to Penang or Thailand

Customs takes a while But the dream is on the other side

Hope the food I eat Has a little more salt from the boss

Hope what I make doesn’t make The locals always complain

My love for you

Is like tiger and lion

Loving without knowing better

Yet never leaving

Who says you need blood ties

To stand shoulder to shoulder

Why is this song called tiger and lion?

I’m just saying that

Us, Singapore and Malaysia Get along really well together

Quite impressive, huh?

Now I’ve got An important question to ask you

What is it?

Is my hair messy?

You complete idiot

My love for you

Is like tiger and lion

Loving without knowing better

Yet never leaving

Who says you need blood ties...

To stand shoulder to shoulder?

Come, let's share a drink.

NONE OF THE ABOVE IS RELATED TO THIS MOVIE

Excuse me. Then what's the point of filming this?

Because we had nothing better to do.

SINGAPORE

Just trying it out. Again.

- May I know how old you are? - Twenty-five years old.

I am 85 years old.

I am 60 years older than you.

Hey, look. There’s a CCTV up there. It’s been filming us the whole time.

If you walk out now,

those netizens will definitely tear you limb from limb.

You’ll be gone without a trace.

You decide what to do.

- I'm leaving. - Thank you.

Love you.

See? Being old still has its advantages.

Grandma, are you sure you’re at the right place?

I’m sure. This is definitely the place.

What are you doing here?

I came here to "check out a job".

He looks at me, I look at him.

If we’re suitable, he’ll marry me.

- Marry?! - No, I mean, hire me.

Grandma, in Malaysia, people your age--

Are you from Malaysia?

Welcome, welcome.

Many people your age are already enjoying retirement.

Really?

Some of them have even already bought a good spot.

Bought a spot?

To watch a movie?

I also like watching movies and buying good seats.

Now there’s a kind where you can lie down and sleep.

Every time after watching, it feels like after the wedding night.

No! You didn’t!

It’s just whether I want to or not.

Grandma, go sit over there. I’ll call you later.

Malaysians as fierce as you are very rare.

You probably couldn’t get married, right?

I’m already married.

You’ll definitely get divorced.

I’m very happy.

Your husband will have an affair.

Even if he does, it wouldn’t be with you.

Your husband hasn’t tried me yet.

Sorry, sorry, just kidding.

Calm down... Calm down...

Yes, yes, yes.

Excuse me. Please move aside.

Sorry about that.

The feng shui master said I must sit in this seat

to be accepted for the job.

A university graduate, huh?

Why come to Singapore to wash dishes?

In Malaysia, our graduates

only start with two or 3,000 ringgit.

Here, washing dishes is 3,000 Singapore dollars.

Convert that to ringgit, and it’s already over 10,000.

I wouldn’t have gone to university at all.

Your degree was really a waste. I'm smart.