Husband for Hire

Is there a pimp orsomething, or do we just pick?

They're day laborers, Nina, not hustlers.

Right.

Right.

You,

Saying yes get me the gig?

He could work.

Anything's possible, or not.

Work how?

Marriage.

I want to hire you to be my husband.

Yeah.

I'll give you $100,000 a year.

You messing with me, right?

Can I ask why?

You cannot, Jesus.

How long?

Till death do us part.

It's a part time job.

You just need to be on callto keep up appearances.

You can have your own life.

I don't have all day, Sniffy.

There is a wedding going on in 48 hours,

so do you want to get married or not?

I do.

I do!

Woo hoo hoo!

I'm rich!

Yeah.

Sorry, boys.

You know how it is.

I'll catch you later.

All right.

Don't worry.

It's only forever.

Hey.

This is Sergeant Evans here.

We've got a report of asighting of the people missing.

There's word she might havegone west on Ceciia Road.

We've got confirmation thevehicle was spotted there,

but we don't have a visual.

Are there skidmarks?

The first one who finds her gets a bush.

All right, what now?

We haven't done anything wrong.

Well, these days, they don't just pinch

the workers on the corner.

They pinch anyone who hires them.

What?

Yeah.

So then we gotta get out of here!

Hurry! Hurry!

Yee-haw!

Oh my god.

What are you doing?

I don't have time to get arrested, Nina.

This is not the way I picturedmy wedding day starting out.

Well, I sure could get used to this.

You're going to get usedto jail if you don't point

me in the right direction.

Hang a Louie right over here.

That means left.

Then hang right, we'll hideout in the old train yard.

Woohoo!

This is fun!

OK.

I'm driving.

No.

We wait.

She's right.

We're not here.

We hide out at my place until the heat's off.

Besides, I gotta tell mygirlfriend I'm getting married.

A room full of the best private dicks,

and yet, it still takes a woman's touch.

You found her?

West Texas State Police just rang.

One of our company limos was pulled

over by the state border.

Description fits your little girl,

but the brat fled the scene.

What is she doing in Texas?

The GPS system.

Hey, we can--

Can the GPS be used to track her?

Are you not talking to yourfirst born, the one who chose

Harvard as a safety school?

The GPS company is justwaiting for the satellite

to get in proper orbit.

Precise location within the hour.

You, take the jet to WestTexas and wait for my call.

Go!

Rex, when can I count on them weenies?

Rex.

The last time you fell asleep at the grill,

you charred 12 acres of national forest.

Trees grow back.

Mother Nature's a resilient little bitch.

We won.

It's Extreme Makeover, Home Edition!

I told you I wrote a good letter!

Check it out, what's going on?

Praise the Lord!

And boy, what scratch-offs!

You're white?

I prefer Caucasian Americans.

But look at your skin tone.

Yeah, mowing lawns all day will crisp you up.

Heck, lady, you're one hungstrung person, ain't ya?

Don't you get it?

I'm adopted.

But your name is Jesus.

No, no.

You see, the hiring folks, they won't

pick you if you thinkyou're a citizen because you

expect too much pay.

That's why I wear the shirt.

I get picked all the time.

My real name's Bo.

Bo?

Uh, Bo, the deal is off.

Whoa, whoa, why?

You are way too much of a challenge.

I need a Latino, not a Bo.

I can be Latino.

I can.

Check it out.

You speak Spanish?

This is Texas.

You gotta speak Spanish, or youwon't know what the Mexicans

are saying behind your back.

I got it.

All right?

I'm Normando.

He was born in La Ciudad, de Mexico.

That's Mexico City, right?

Then they brought me up here as a young 'un.

I can do this.

I know I can do it.

I can-- I can be the bestMexican I never thought I was.

I swear it.

No, no.

Lady, look at me.

I am not going back to that corner.

It's really tough to make 100grand with a weed whacker.

You know what I'm saying?

You are so lucky that Idid not have time to find

another husband, Normando.

Woo hoo hoo!

Hey, y'all!

I finally got a real job!

I don't know about this.

You're putting a lot at risk.

All I need to do is turn Jesusblonde boy into Prince Normando

and tell my father I'm in love.

How hard is that?

But the wedding is in two days.

Don't you think this is going to be--

It's going to be a lot of work.

We need to get my newfianc completely rebuilt.

It's more than just the physical.

It's the mental, too.

We can't pull this off.

Of course I can pull this off.

Call Mancha.

At Sandia?

Let him know that I ambringing the most challenging

makeover project ever known.

Then call the tribal coordinator and have

him send the check here.

Go.

She's got a country van.

I've always wanted one of those.

All right.

I got one more pit stop before we go.

No more pit stops.

My girlfriend's pulling a double.

I've got to give her the down low before we

go wherever we're going.

We're going to the airport.

How's that for coincidence-iosity?

She works at the airport.

I can't wait for you two to meet.

But again, maybe not.

They can take us at Sandia.

Yes!

But the jet, it's here in Texas.

What? Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, they found me!

How could they find me?

I'm sure your father spared no expense!

Ooh, he's using his government contact.

He's going to get me disbarred.

Aha!

Get off the car!

Damn!

I'm sure they felt that on the other end.

I'm afraid they lost the signal.

We need to get lawn boy and get to the airport.