Futurama

Item one: duck!

Cubert, you crapscallion!

Why aren't you in school?

I couldn't get past the protestors.

A bunch of smiling, angry people

were handing out these anti-evolution flyers.

Evolution is under attack

in our schools?!

To the Science Mobile.

You mean the ship?

Yes. The Science Mobile.

It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

I don't understand evolution,

and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!

We will not give in to the thinkers!

You people are as loud as you are ignorant.

Now get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!

As a Professor of science, I assure you

that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men!

I cannot speak for you, sir,

but my ancestors were not monkeys.

They were orangutans.

Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

Dr. Banjo?

In the fur.

And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory,

like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster.

You seriously believe I'm descended

from some kind of flightless manicotti?

- Yes! - Oh, please.

A far more logical explanation

is the undisprovable science of creatureism.

All life was created in its present form

7,000 years ago

by a fantastical creature from outer space!

- Bunk! - Oh?

If your elitist east coast evolution is real,

why has no one found the missing link

between modern humans and ancient apes?

We did find it.

It's called Homo erectus.

Then you have proven my case, sir,

for no one has found the link

between apes and this Homo erectus.

Yes, they have!

It's called Homo habilis.

Aha! But no one has found the missing link

between ape and this so-called Homo habilis.

Yes, they have!

It's called Australopithecus africanus!

Oh-ho! I've got you now.

Fair enough,

but where then is the missing link

between apes and this Darwinius masillae?

Answer me that, Professor!

Oh!

Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing,

but just because we haven't found it

doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Pshaw!

Things don't exist simply because you believe in them.

Thus sayeth the almighty creature in the sky!

I'll show that banana-swilling poop-slinger!

We just need to find that last missing link.

I found a missing link.

It seems to be half man, half toucan.

Not what we're looking for.

Throw it in the soup!

And here's something.

Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs.

You find something, Hermes?

Uh... no.

Ugh! I hate chiseling right after a manicure.

Oh, darn it!

I broke off one of my of fingers!

Look, Cubert.

The neck on this one.

I bet he spent a fortune on ties!

What, too soon?

I highly doubt

a Jurassic elaphrosaurid had access to neckwear.

I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.

Hey, look! I found a robot fossil!

That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring!

There are no robot fossils.

What?! Who says I didn't evolve?

Everybody!

Robots were created quite recently.

It was in all the papers.

Then explain this!

I've hit a rich vein of missing links.

Java man, piltdown man, manfred mann.

Eureka!

It's the elusive missing missing link.

This will show Banjo once and for all.

What the...?

Oh, that's mine.

Hmm! My tux doesn't fit.

Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it.

Or evolved, one might say.

One might not say that.

Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy.

You mean a man.

It was his Bar Mitzvah.

Welcome, museum members.

Or as I like to call you, future exhibits.

He's good.

Tonight, we have a new resident here in the Hall of homini,

generously donated by its discoverer,

Hubert Farnsworth.

Ladies and gentlemen... Homo Farnsworth!

Once again, science saves the day.

The end.

And now, to discuss the scientific implications

of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift,

which has once and for all disproven evolution.

Behold! Homo Farnsworth

frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Faster! Faster!

Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless.

Not lifeless enough!

Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it!

Ow!

Professor, is this your only water source?

It looks like diet Dr. Pepper.

It's not that bad.

It's just laden with toxic minerals.

But not for long.

What's in the tube?

Microscopic nanobots.

They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.

Speaking of nasty irritants,

what's gonna become of Cubert?

Who? Oh, my son.

Don't worry.

He's been safely abandoned with his godfather.

Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time,

so I found a couple of baseball gloves

and boiled them up for lunch.

Why don't you just go to hell?!

Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life.

What are they?!

Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano.

Now can we have our pizza?

You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite.

First let's see if my nanobots have purified the water yet.

Ah, the water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father.

But what's this?

The nanobots have gotten more complex.

What's that, you say?

Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say?

It wasn't by themselves.

I put them there.

I'm a genius.

Get over it.

Hey, look. Now they got bigger.

Good heavens. Trilobots.

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

Let's get the pizza out of here!

Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain.

It might be a cave.

Does anyone have a lighter?

Hang on.

Okay, we have shelter

and just enough precious food

to ward off starvation.

It's pizza time!

Pineapple?!

- Ugh! - Oh, man!

- Oh! - So much for that.

Hello.

I remembered you liked superheroes,

so I painted you a mural on your wall.

This is Father-Man.

He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect.

Is it working?

This is sucky!

You suck!

Who taught you to do three-point perspective?

I could make a better mural with my butt!

Father-Man away.

Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep.

So what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple?

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in

dehydrated pill form.

Then we need water from that pond.

We'll have to fight our way past the trilobots.

Go! Go!

Hit anything that moves!

Ow! Ow! Ow!