Strange Brew

Hey, growl, will you, lion? Come on. Make some noise, you knob.

Yeah, we got to start the movie. You need to keep growling.

I think he's bummed out.

Stick a pin in his bum, eh? No way.

What are you on, Valium? Maybe I ought to crank his tail?

- Great. - That'd start him up.

Start up. Come on, eh? Start up.

Maybe we ought to call Marlin Perkins, eh?

Get Wild Kingdom here, eh? Come on. He's getting mad.

- Yeah. - Oh, jeez. We better get going.

Okay, do the theme, eh?

- Good day. Oh, do our new movie theme, eh? - Yeah, okay.

Beauty, eh?

Okay. Good day. I'm Bob McKenzie. This is my brother Doug.

- How's it going, eh? - Welcome to our movie, eh? Okay.

- Our topic is movies. - Yeah.

Okay, first off, the difference between movies and TV, eh?

Okay. Go to TV.

This is the difference between TV and movies, eh?

- So? - Okay, go back to movies.

- Now that hoser's growling. - Yeah.

Take off, will you? We're doing our movie.

Don't wreck our show, you hoser.

- Okay, another topic. Zoom out, eh? - Yeah.

We'll show them how big the screen is, eh? Zoom out. Go.

- Look how huge it is, eh? - Okay.

Like, normally, we just have "Great White North," eh?

But look, we got-- What's that over there?

Okay, like, England and Ireland and France, eh?

He's a genius, eh? He knows the atlas. Okay, and over here we have--

- Uh, Russia and Hawaii. - Okay. All hosers in Russia and Hawaii...

- ...and England, welcome to our movie. - How's it going, comrades?

We made-- Zoom back in, eh?

Okay, so we made a movie, eh? So we're going to show that now.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Wait. First they got to-- You got to interview me, the director.

- I've got to put up the screen, too, eh? - Don't forget.

Okay, zoom in on me, the director. Come on.

I directed, too, eh?

Yeah, well, I have to give them my theory on movies, eh?

Okay. Here's my theory on movies. You want to know how to wreck a movie, eh?

Take a jar of moths into the theater, eh, and, like--

Sorry.

And then, like, release them at a point in the movie

when you know what happens, eh?

And all the moths will fly up to the projection booth window, cloud it up...

...and you can demand your money back.

- Okay, zoom out, eh? - Beauty idea.

This movie was shot in 3-B, three beers, and it looks good, eh?

- Get it? - Hoserama. Call it Hoserama.

Okay, so we made a movie.

So sit back, get some corn, and let's have-- It's movie time.

- Okay, turn it on. - Okay.

Give them enough time just to see, okay.

Okay, then, "10 years after World War Four."

"2051." No. More. What? No.

2051, the future. They saw it already.

- Take off. - The next century.

I was the only one left on the planet after the holocaust, eh?

Hey, Hoser, go.

The Earth had been, like, devastated by nuclear war.

Like, Russia blew up the U.S., and the U.S. blew up Russia, eh?

The Statue of Liberty. Psst, act!

Lucky for me, I'd been off planet on vacation at the time of the war, eh?

There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked.

So I spent most of my time looking for beer.

One day, I was out looking for a nice place

to build a city for my children,

when I spotted a mutant in the forbidden zone.

I landed my vehicle to pursue and destroy this genetic freak

before he could warn other mutants in the underground caves.

I was kind of like a one-man force, eh? Like Charlton Heston in Omega Man.

Did you see it? It was a beauty.

Fleshy-headed mutant, are you friendly?

No way, eh?

Radiation has made me an enemy of civilization.

Alpha Base, this is Bob McKenzie.

I've spotted a fleshy-headed mutant in Sector 16B.

Ow! Take off, you hoser.

Dude, what happened? Film broke.

Got to fix it, eh? Sorry, film--

- Sorry. - I can't see, eh?

- Turn the lights on. - It was his fault. He wrecked it.

- It was not. We had a lot of popcorn, too. - Oh.

Okay, you cover, I'll fix the film, eh?

Oh, I'm getting whiplash from my burps, eh?

Okay.

Aw, nice going, you knob.

Hey! What kind of movie is this? - Okay. Here's how to get--

Zoom in on me.

Zoom in on this. Okay, here's how to get free beer, eh?

Get a baby mouse,

- and, like, put it in a bottle... - (MOUSE SQUEAKING)

...and when it's so small, it'll fit in, like, this hole, eh?

And then--

Hey! They did this on their album. Rip-off.

- Will you shut up? - Ah, you shut up.

Maybe with some spit-- - We won't be able to fix the film, eh?

Here's what happened in the film, eh? After I was chased-- Take off.

After I chased the van, eh, he took me back to his--

Don't tell them the film, eh? You're supposed to show it.

But we can't show it, eh, 'cause it's wrecked.

Just show it like this, eh? Just hold it up.

Zoom in on this, eh? Zoom in.

- Oh, jeez, that's a good idea, eh? - Yeah.

That's it. We're leaving, kids. Come on.

Okay. Hey, sit down.

We're getting out of here. No way.

Oh, come on. How come everybody's going, eh?

I don't know. It gets better, eh?

What a waste of money.

Where's the manager? Get me the manager.

I hope you're proud of yourselves.

- Take off, eh? - How come everybody's so ticked, eh?

I don't know, eh, but we may as well really wreck this movie now.

- Your moths? Yeah.

Here we go, eh?

Oh, boy.

You take the beer and--

A six-pack.

Oh, my God! Why don't you fry--

Well, then how about a couple of passes to a real movie?

Can you believe this?

- Let's get out of here, okay? - Yeah.

You hoser.

Not that way. We'll get killed. This way.

They've been saving their allowance for weeks to see this movie.

What am I supposed to tell them? What the heck am I supposed to tell them?

We're real sorry. Here's some money back, eh?

It's only $15. Take it. It's yours.

Take off. That's Dad's beer money, eh?

Hey, look! They're giving refunds in the alley.

Get 'em!

- Uh-oh. Watch out. Cops! - What?

- Cops! This is the police.

I'll come back for you.

Good thing I'm still wearing that jock, eh?

Wait up, eh? You hurry, you hoser.

That's them. Get them!

- Who's driving? - You drive.

There's a lot of cops around.

Okay. Thanks.

- It's $20. - Beauty.

Why are you going this way? There's a shortcut.

Roadblock. Go that way.

I told him to go the other way. I'm sorry.

Let's move it.

We know. We're moving. My brother's drunk.

I am not, eh? Yeah, you are, too.

Come on. Let's go.

First come, first served.

Come on. Give me one.

- No way. - Give me one.

Take one, then that's it for you.

Give me the church key. Beauty.

Here. Come on.

Here, boy.

MR. McKENZIE: Save one of those beers for me, eh?

He's guarding the beer. What are we gonna do?

- Bribe him. - Give him a doughnut.

He likes jelly.

- Jelly doughnut coming. - Okay, Hosehead.

You'll like this. It's a jelly doughnut.

Get it over there. Okay. Beauty.

Quick, get a glass. Beauty.

MR. McKENZIE: What the hell's going on in there?

Just getting your beer.

- You take it to him. - No way.

- You take it to him. - No, you.

No.

- You take it. - I'm letting go.

I'm letting go of the beer.

- You're taking it. - No.

- I'm letting go. - I'm letting go.

- Let it go. - Okay, fine.

Now what?

- Dad, Bob broke your beer. - No, I didn't. Doug broke it.

- It was you. - MRS. McKENZIE: Clean up the mess, boys.

MR. McKENZIE: I want you hosers to get me a fresh case of beer

first thing in the morning.

We're going to need some money.

MR. McKENZIE: Use the money I gave you today, you idiot.

Way to go. You gave away the money.

What's going to happen if this plan don't work, eh?

The old man'll boot us out, and we'll have no place to sleep.

I could live in the van, eh? I don't need a place to sleep.

You need money to live or you'll starve.

This plan sucks. I ain't going in.

You are, too, or I'll tell the old man you gave away his money.

Okay. You boss me around.

'Morning, George. - How are you, Paddy?

Give me 12 fresh Yukon Gold, please.

Twelve Yukon Gold: $7.90, please.

That horse ran like a bum yesterday. See you tomorrow.

Okay, take it easy.

Well?

- Elsinore. - Twelve.

- Twenty-four. - Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Twenty-four Elsinore beers.

- Twenty-four. - Yeah.