Ackley Bridge

To pluck or not to pluck, that is the question.

No body hair? Minimal body hair?

Should be like a totally personal choice, right?

No, it's a stigma - a crime - especially in young girls.

But we all buy into it - the creams, the razors, the wax strips,

the threading.

Time for the big guns.

Full Brazilian, mini Brazilian, Brazilian North, Brazilian

South, Brazilian total body - and that's just my search history page!

We're black, we're mousey, we're blonde, we're straight,

we're curly, we're ginger... We're dirty blonde - and rude!

We're one thing at home and another in school.

We're whoever we need to be to fit in. To blend in.

But when can we ever just be ourselves?

So, this, oh, my best beloved, is a story - a new and wonderful

story - a story quite different from other stories - my story,

of how the invisible girl child came to be seen - first by you.

And hopefully, later, by them.

You know, you going to be OK here.

I'm sure I will, Auntie.

Any problems, you come straight to me.

Y'know. Cos I am like staff huh. OK. So. Listen.

Everything that happen in Manchester, stay in Manchester.

I promise. I'll do my best for you, Auntie.

OK. Good!

By forcing me to remove my jewellery,

this school is guilty of taking part in an act of repression

in alliance with a Masonic Pakistani Patriarchal Society.

The alliteration "Pakistani Patriarchal"

is particularly effective - if somewhat clumsy.

In the box, please.

Nose piercing, as well.

Pick them up after school, thank you.

You all right? Oh, my God - where are your piercings!

Didn't you get any done?

No.

Mum wouldn't let me get my nose pierced - said it made me

look too foreign. Oh, my God!

Gypsies?

What the hell is going on here?! No! No!

Stop! You can't do this! Sling your hook!!

What do you think you are playing at? You are on a horse.

This is a "Direct Action".

The council have closed our permanent site,

so we're going to be stopping here with you, on your school.

Then take your fight to the council - not us.

I've got a school to run - now do one -

otherwise I'll be forced to take a "direct action".

There's not a lot you can do.

I could call the authorities - Lorraine - Where is she?

I'm here...

Hold on a minute, Lorraine, just check sections 61

and 62 of the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act of 1994.

And whilst you're at it, look up the Equality Act of 2010.

So, you'll find you don't have a leg to stand on.

You see, the police can't do owt because it's a civil offence

and not a criminal offence.

Just you listen to me...

Also, section 62 of the act allows a senior police officer to

direct a person off land, only if there is

an alternative pitch or relevant campsite.

How about you get off that horse

because you are not wearing a helmet, you are on school grounds.

That's health and safety.

That's my law.

We'll be registering today as well.

It's that or the social services'll put us in care.

Ain't happening - we're fully booked.

Only a couple of weeks.

Official, like - then I'll get myself expelled

and be lost in the system.

Not going to happen.

No!

They have just as much right to be here in this school as I have.

Not now, Fizza - I am in conflab...

All kids, irrespective of colour, creed -

Or body ornamentation -

Or body ornamentation - have the right to an education.

We don't need you to defend us.

Erm...

..sorry, I'm just showing solidarity? No such word.

I'm an activist!

We don't need outsiders.

Skenning Emma, Mr Evershed.

I know you wanted to introduce a new regime to the school

but this is taking the biscuit - Where's this lot come from?

HE CLEARS THROAT

Because I'm sure we can accommodate allcomers.

We can?

Diversity and inclusivity is what Ackley Bridge

and the Valley Trust is about.

Give it a couple of weeks and we'll palm them off onto other schools.

Share the burden. You can't do that.

Hey.

Think about the funding bump next year.

Pupil premiums - come on down! We hit all the demographics.

We got the whites, we got the Asians - now we got the ...psies.

Hey, let's get this paperwork finished.

I feel a press release coming on! Ker-ching...

What's he got that I haven't?

White skin.

I threatened his male privilege.

You think? Maybe they don't understand our ways.

You know - like untouched tribes in the Amazon.

You saying that I was patronising?

You did have your save-the-whale voice on.

Sorry... hope I'm not disturbing you.

I just wanted to say sorry about earlier.

Y'know...

with my friend? Fizza? She was just trying to help you -

With what?

Everything really - she loves a good cause -

not that I'm saying you're a cause - or even if you had a cause -

which I'm sure would be a good one if, you know, if you had one -

Oh, my God - I love horses.

She's so cute.

What's her name? Bandit.

Hello, Bandit, hi, my name's Marina

and I've come to ask your daddy to a party - yes, a very exclusive one.

Bring a friend. Or a few.

You can come too, Bandit.

I used to have a toy rocking horse with a long bushy tail like this.

I used to spend hours plaiting it up in...

HORSE DEFECATES

Well if you weren't full of wind before - you are now.

Shut it, Mowgli. Is that necessary?

Oh, my God! Racist, that, innit?!

MOVE!

You look better without the septum ring, anyway -

made you look a bit piggy.

Nice piggy, though. Ahh, thanks.

Oh, my God!

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

She looks like a werewolf!

What is it? Nothing.

Come on, let's just leave it...let's go.

Fair dos, Kayla - yeah, respect.

I've got excessive nostril hair.

Oi...

How could you do this to her?

Just need the right camera angle.

Yeah, how's that!

My phone!

So report me! Go on!

Consider yourself uninvited to my party...

Wow, that guy's got serious anger-management issues.

Pick it up.

Kayla! Are you OK?

'Course I'm not.

I'm the school joke!

No, you're not.

The more I wax, the thicker it comes back - they're even on my bum now!

How am I supposed to see to shave my bum?

OK. Can I just stop you there, Kay,

cause I've actually got Johnny standing right here with me.

Oh!

Why did you do that to me?

To teach you a lesson.

So next time you get in my face - with your smart gob -

you'll think twice before showing off. I wasn't doing anything.

You don't have to... you just being there is enough.

Why do you hate me so much?

Cos you get on my nerves, cos every time you walk in a room, all

my friends turn and look at me cos your brown and me and mum aren't!

Hey! Hey! Hey! What going on!

Stop it!

She started it! It were her.

I didn't raise you to be a racist.

What are those for?

I have to go and stay with your Aunt Kate, while she's having her chemo.

Are we coming?

You can't very well come with all that going on, can you?

You're both going to go and stay with your dad, Kayla.

Me dad! No. No.

I'm not staying with him. And I'm not, either.

So I'll go stay with my Dad.

Don't you think I asked? He's not available.

So you both are just going to have to get your heads round it.

Now, get upstairs and pack a couple of bags.

SHE SHRIEKS

Isn't my life hard enough as it is?

You're just making it worse sending us there!

Hiya, Dad...

Marina. Mr Afzal.

Salaam alaikum.

Hi, you all right...?

God! Not even your own lot like you. Your dad looked dead embarrassed.

He didn't. That house smells of curry.

The bed smells of curry. And the food smells of curry!

That's because it is curry!

Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you?

Well, you weren't laughing when your big, hairy, freak body