One Night

You bring in a gun.

You say you found it.

Traces of gunshot on your clothing.

And now I've got this.

We've recovered the cartridge casings found on the ground near the victim.

They match the gun you brought in.

You haven't cooperated at any stage with this interview.

Haven't give me your name.

Karin's finding it out anyway, and where you live.

And fetching your mum and dad over. It won't take long.

So, I can't help you any more.

Since you won't help me...

you're under arrest for murder.

Happy Birthday, Alf.

Quick, run. What you doing?

Ha-ha-ha.

Oi! Oi! Come on, quick.

Oh, Alf, you idiot.

Alf, leave it! Quick!

You're meant to swallow it. How am I going to swallow that?

Alf, that's fizzy. Try it. See what happens.

What if it hurts him? Oh, that's so buff.

That's got oregano, that has.

Right, Gabs, your turn. Truth or dare. Dare.

OK, here goes.

Alf, keep watch.

Result.

Dad's stash of weed.

Hello. The alarm has gone off again.

What's the blasted number? Urgh. What?

My dad using one of these.

Gross.

Why's he hiding them in there?

We've got a new au pair, I bet he's banging her. We'll have 'em anyway.

This is so tedious. What's happening? He's still on the phone.

I've had it serviced.

Let's go.

Yes, no, I've done that. 'And has the alarm stopped?' It hasn't.

You can hear it hasn't. 'Right, is the green light showing?'

Who's there? 'Hello?'

Hello?

OK. Here, yeah?

What do you reckon? Shall I put him in here? Urgh, there's a tampon.

There's other fish in it. But they're big, fat canal fish.

They eat KFCs and that. I could take it home for Lauren.

OK, Alf, your turn.

I got to do a pick-up. How long's that going to take? A half hour.

Haven't you two gotta go back?

Nah, they've all gone to Danny Johnson's funeral,

no-one's checking.

OK. Meet back at base, quarter past four, yeah? Sure.

Hi. All right? Had a nice time?

Hi, Mum. All right?

Hi, Alfie. Hello, Alfie. How's Mum?

She's got more chemo tomorrow, so... Oh, well, wish her well for us, OK?

Lauren had a bit of an accident in assembly.

We lent her some leggings, if you can get those back, please. Yup. Bye.

What happened, Fish? He didn't let me go to the toilet. I got a star.

Hang on, Jooj, I'm talking to Lauren.

Ah, that's stupid. I'll phone Miss Trellis and tell her she's a Muppet.

OK.

Look at that. Got a star, did you? Yeah, it's a thunderstorm. Nice.

That's a scary one, innit?

I was going to do a rainbow, but I didn't have enough time.

Well, we'll do one when we get home, yeah? Yeah.

I need you to do me a favour.

I need you to go and pick up Paige. Oh, ice-cream van!

She's with Dil's sister. Why? Where you going? Meet up with the Maxxis.

Oh, I want to come. You're not old enough yet, Jooj.

Cheer up. You'll get your own gang one day, won't ya?

Your turn, Alf. Truth or dare.

Err, truth.

You had sex yet? Erm...

Dare. What?

Don't want to do that one. Well, you can't change. It's cos he hasn't.

Have you? Yeah? Yeah. You never had sex.

I could have had an orgy, you know. An orgy? Who with?

Our au pair. She had a girlfriend staying over. So? That's only two.

That's not orgy. Yeah. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. More than one's an orgy.

You've got to have at least seven to have an orgy. Seven, nah. Hey, look, that's seriously sad.

Oh, he's so gay.

How can you tell?

I got a gaydar, ain't I?

OK.

Hey.

I think he's going for my burger. He's so tragic. Ha-ha-ha.

I got a dare.

Rub one out and stick it in his letterbox.

Oh, yeah, that's jokes. Go on, Alf.

- Dare. - Dare, dare, dare.

I'll gob in it, then stick it in. All right? What?

Oh! Ha-ha.

Urgh.

Someone's just done that, wait. Alf, hurry up.

Alf, hurry up, he's coming. Come on.

Don't leave me.

Ted.

Number withheld. Ain't you going to answer it?

Hello? Michelle, it's Mr Patel at the school.

Mr Patel? What's he want?

I saw the van. So, not a peep, yeah?

I texted Dil and Oli.

Don't do that, Fish. Tell her to stop crying. Well, she's wet, ain't she?

That's Ki. Get it, please.

Quick. They're coming to get our telly.

Our money's gone.

What? My mum must have found it. Where'd you put it?

In a drawer. I hid it in a sock, right at the back.

She's mental. Can't we get it back? What do I tell her?

The truth. We found it. You took it from that machine.

Yeah, but it was just sticking out. Someone else was going to take it.

She'll make us take it back. Bet she thinks we nicked it.

Supposed to hand it in, Mum says.

Can you shut up, please?

So, we've got no money at all? When's your mum back?

It says on that postcard. Check what it says again.

Majorca, ain't it? Yeah. Monarch 157 to Gatwick at 10:15am.

Back home at 1pm.

AM means morning and PM means afternoon, right?

We got any money for tonight? Check the envelope, will you?

Shh, shh, shh.

Ah.

Get her dummy or something.

Shh.

Mrs Robbins! We can hear you're in there.

Mrs Robbins! We do have the right to gain access to your property.

My mum's sick. Get lost.

Not our problem. I've come for the set and the box.

She said you put the payments up. Yeah, and she signed the contract.

So just open the door, son, otherwise we'll do it for you.

Oi! What's going on?

Do you live here? No. This is my block, though.

We've got a job to do.

Oi, Ki, look at this.

What d'ya mean? What d'ya mean?

You got a problem here, yeah? No, I've not got a problem.

You got a problem here, yeah? No, no.

What's going on? What we going to do?

I'm going to deal with him, don't worry.

Yeah? Yeah. Tell that to Alfie, man.

Thanks. Hello, Paige. You all right, Paige?

When's your mum get back? About one o'clock tomorrow.

Still on for tonight? Yeah. Got Paige sorted?

Hannah's got tap class, she can't take her, sorry. Do you want me to ask my nan?

No, it's all right. Jooj can do it. Call you, yeah?

See you later.

You think they'll let you go with them? After the Somali boys?

It's tonight, innit? They're getting one in for Danny, aren't they?

Yeah. You think they'd let me come, Alf?

Oh, man, it would be so cool if we could go together.

Yeah. I mean, we'll ask them. Sick.

We had him on his toes. He was scared, man.

Can't wait to grow up, can we?

Run with the big boys. First spliff.

First sex.

First time you TWOC a motor.

Thing is, with age, comes responsibility.

You commit a serious offence when you're older and it's a crime

and you don't get a telling off, you go down.

But I can still give you a chance.

You give me the information I need, now, and it could help you.

Why do you keep looking at the time?

You give me the names of the others in that picture.

They'll take it into account at the trial.

And, as a key witness, you get full protection.

Your family too.

New identity, new house, new school, no gangs.

Now, that sounds like a pretty fair offer.

Don't you think?

You want me to grass 'em up?

'That means, Gabby, you're today's strongest link

'and you go away with £1,910.

'Paul, you leave with nothing. Join us again for the Weakest Link.'

The girl won! Yeah, I heard.

Can I have dessert, now? Yeah, get one out the fridge.

Jooj, I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you, yeah?

Where are you going? Barbecue.

Why do I always have to stay with Lauren and Paige?

Look, Jooj, it's just for today. I told you before, remember.

Oh, and, Jooj, keep the chain on, will ya?

See you later.

You all right?

Do you live here? Yeah.

You must be... Alfie. Yes.

You from the Social? Yeah. I'm covering for Lyn, she's on leave.

She had an appointment to see your mother and...

What time do you call this?

Sorry? You were meant to pick her up at two? Pick her up? Send a taxi.

Taxi? Take her to hospital. For her chemo.

Chemotherapy? I didn't see any notes on hospital treatment.

Have you lost her notes now? What? No.

You lost her notes, forgot to send her cab

and now you want to wake her up. This is an 'ead-fuck.

Wake her up?

She's sleeping, switched her appointment to tomorrow, didn't she?

She's got to change buses and all that, so she gets knackered, but...

Mum! Look, if she's sleeping, I'll come tomorrow.

Well, no, you're here now, I'll get her up. No. Mum!

I'll book her in tomorrow, but tell her it's a firm appointment,

otherwise you know, we can't...