I Love Lucy

Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to our new show.

It's very nice to be back with you again.

Lucy and I sincerely hope

that you're going to enjoy our program this year.

And we're sure that you're going to get a big thrill

out of seeing the brand-new 1958 Fords in our program tonight.

We have some wonderful guests lined up for you.

- Psst. - What's the matter?

It's time to do the show.

- Oh. Time to do the show. -

I'll see you in a minute.

- -

Ford

and the Ford dealers of your community

present the new Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show.

With guest stars...

Ann Sothern,

Cesar Romero,

Rudy Vallee,

Hedda Hopper,

and, of course,

Vivian Vance, William Frawley

and Little Ricky.

- Here she is. She's coming up the drive! -

- Who's here? - Hedda Hopper.

- Who's Hedda Hopper? - Oh, she's a famous columnist, darling,

and she's gonna do a story on how Mommy and Daddy first met.

Oh, dear!

What are you doing?

Oh, I don't know. I'm so nervous, I don't know what I...

- - There she is!

Now take it easy, honey.

Honey, now mind your manners

- in front of Hedda Hopper, see? - Okay, Mommy.

And for goodness sake, don't say anything about her funny hat.

Yes, Mommy.

Hello, Miss Hopper, how are you?

Ricky, it's so good to see you again.

- It's nice to see you. - Thank you.

You remember Lucy.

Why, of course. How are you, Lucy?

Fine, Miss Hopper. This is our Little Ricky.

Well, hello, Little Ricky.

I've a granddaughter just about your same age.

How do you do, Miss Hopper?

I'm not supposed to say anything about your funny hat.

Well, that's all right. Everybody makes fun of my hat.

I'd be furious if they didn't.

You know, Bob Hope says it's the only hat in Hollywood

that gives him hay fever.

Oh, no. He said that?

- Well, won't you sit down, Miss Hopper? - Yeah, sit down, please.

Now, let's get right down to business.

- Okay. - How did you two people first meet?

Well, I was in Havana, you know. I was living down there,

- and Lucy and her girlfriend... - Hi!

- Hi, there. - Hi.

Oh, we didn't know you had company.

- Oh. - We'll come back later.

Yes, we'll come back later.

Okay, you do that. Now, where were we?

Well, I...

Miss Hopper, these are our best friends, the Mertzes.

- Miss Hedda Hopper. - Oh, how do you do, Miss Hopper?

How do you do? I'm doing an article on how Lucy and Ricky first met.

Oh, well, we were there at the time.

- But we'll come back later. - Yes, we'll come back later.

Well, if you were there,

maybe you could help fill in some of the details.

Well, now, if you insist.

You see, we were on this tropical cruise.

It was our honeymoon.

Honeymoon? You'd already been married 12 years.

Well, it was a sort of a belated honeymoon.

Yeah, I wanted to be sure the marriage would last

before I spent a lot of dough on a trip like that.

Don't print that in your story.

Maybe we'd better start at the very beginning.

Now, tell me, how did you two meet?

Please, please, I think it would be better if one person spoke at the time.

- So do I. - Thank you.

You see, it all started 17 years ago.

I was a secretary in New York,

and, uh, this friend of mine, Susie MacNamara,

she was a secretary in the same office.

And we saved our money to go on this ocean cruise.

You see, Susie and I were looking for some culture.

The way I remember, you had your hooks out for a man.

Well, let's just say we were looking for some cultured men.

You see, Miss Hopper,

the, uh, travel folder on this cruise to Havana

promised us romance, excitement, adventure.

Well, we soon found out that things were quite different.

Apparently, a lot of women had the same idea.

Hi.

Hi. Any luck?

I have searched this boat, stem to stern, top to bottom,

fore and aft, and I haven't found one available man.

I hate to tell you, Lucy,

we're traveling on a floating YWCA.

Brother, they weren't kidding

when they said this ship was on its maiden voyage.

Yeah.

Well, wait till I get my hands on that cruise director.

Do you remember how he promised us all this romance

and excitement and adventure?

- Ha! - Yeah.

Well,

there's another dance on board tonight.

Do you wanna go?

Eh. Do you?

On one condition.

Tonight, you lead.

Well, he's better than nothing.

I was looking for something a little younger.

Yeah, so was I.

- Oh, dear. -

You know, the farther we go, the younger he looks.

Let's ask him if he'll go to the dance with us tonight, huh?

- Pardon us, sir. - Pardon us.

Well.

How do you do?

- Uh, my name is Susan MacNamara. - Well.

- And I'm Lucy McGillicuddy. - Ah.

I'm, uh, Freddy Mertz.

Well, how do you do, Mr. Mertz?

It's nice to know you two.

You know, uh, Susie and I were just saying

that you look like the kind of man that would be a good dancer.

Do you like to dance?

- Do I like to dance? - Mm-hmm.

Well, I'm a regular dancing fool.

- Are you? - Oh, really?

- Well, look at that. -

Oh, boy, you sure are.

Y-Y-You know, there's a dance on board tonight,

but I suppose a man like you already has a date.

Yes, he has.

Get away, girl, we saw him first.

Oh, I wish you had, but unfortunately I did.

Pardon me.

This is Mrs. Mertz.

- Lucille McGillicuddy and Susie MacNamara. - How do you do?

Come on, Freddy, we're going to play ping-pong.

I can't play ping-pong now, honey bunch.

I've got an appointment with a barber to have my hair cut.

Oh, honestly, you pay more attention to that hair than you do to me.

Sometimes I wish you were bald.

Oh, yeah? Well, don't worry.

That's one thing that'll never happen to me.

- See you at the dance, girls. - Oh, don't be too sure.

Well, now, are we having a jolly time?

Yeah, how about tossing around the old medicine ball?

How about tossing around some young men?

Oh, come now, got to keep in shape, you know.

For whom?

Oh.

You promised us this cruise was going to be romantic.

How can it be romantic without any men?

Well, sometimes our passenger list

doesn't balance out just the way we hoped it would.

- Oh, you can say that again. - Yeah.

Well, let's have a little workout.

It'll take your mind off men.

You leave our minds right where they are.

You know, I have a notion just to report you to your company director.

- Well, but... - Why did you give us false information?

Please, Miss McGillicuddy, take your hands off my whistle.

I'll let you in on a little secret.

- There is an eligible man on board. - Oh?

In fact, one of the most eligible men in America.

- Who? Who? Who is it? - Who is it?

- Uh-uh-uh. - Who? Who?

Rudy Vallee.

- Rudy Vallee! - Rudy Vallee!

- Shh! - Yeah, shh!

Rudy Vallee!

Now, if Rudy Vallee is on this boat, how come we haven't seen him?

Yeah.

Well, due to an excess of feminine admirers,

Mr. Vallee has wisely chosen to remain locked in his cabin.

Oh.

And I don't suppose you'd choose to tell us

what cabin he has wisely chosen to stay locked into?

- No, I don't suppose I would. - Oh.

And I don't want you girls up here on deck bothering him

when he takes his eleven o'clock stroll tonight.

Eleven o'clock stroll.

On this deck.

Oh, if Mr. Cunard ever hears about this, I'll be demoted to the Albany night boat.

You don't have to worry about us. We won't bother him.

- No, of course not. - No.

Oh, what a relief.

Well, don't forget:

hot bullion and soda wafers at snack time. Bye!

You know, I think I'll play bridge tonight.

Fine, you do that. You're so good at bridge.

Oh, thank you.

I think I'll see the movie they're showing.