Only Murders in the Building

This is Dickie.

He's not just my manager, he's also my brother.

- Hands up! - I didn't do anything.

I think the police have the wrong guy.

If Gregg had Ben's handkerchief,

then whose handkerchief was Ben holding when he died?

Only two other men have seen this before.

- Did you record with him for our podcast? - No!

We just have to be careful

who we get involved with.

That phrase you used. "Fucking pig."

I did call him that.

- Loretta hated Ben. She was violent towards Ben.

Does that make her a murderer

or just... quirky?

Oliver, what the fuck are you doing!?

- You keep trying to throw suspicion onto my cast.

In a few weeks, I finally get what I've been working for my whole life!

Your show is a death trap!

- Well, maybe I should have hired someone who could actually sing!

- I quit! - And I'm gonna figure out who did it,

whether the two of you give a shit or not! I'm done!

Believe it or not, I love people.

Some people. - Oh, wait.

- I have something to show you. - What?

Oh, you didn't.

- I did! - Don't tell-- Oy...

Every schmuck is getting one.

I don't even know what they are.

I just don't always trust them.

-Ooh! -Thank you.

Enjoy.

They have a bad habit of leaving.

Hey, Uma, new haircut?

Keep it in your pants, perv.

Things, though.

Things I trust.

Things are made to last.

From place to place.

From generation to generation.

It's why I take stuff and keep it,

so the people can stay with me.

If that makes me a klepto, so be it.

Because when the people we love are gone

and memories fade,

what the hell else keeps them alive?

You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.

Order up!

Sit by the aisle.

Makes the table seem smaller.

Thank you.

Don't even think about it.

I wasn't. I'm reading. By myself.

Catching up on my reading.

Bunny and I always used to split it.

We came here every week, until you idiots killed her.

We didn't kill Bunny.

- Pretty jumpy for someone who didn't kill my best friend.

So where are your friends? Murder them, too?

So, what happened with you guys, anyway?

I quit the musical.

Ha! You got shit-canned!

It was ruining my life.

My engagement, my sanity,

my relationship with President McKinley.

President McKinley is a fish.

The suspense was killing me.

- You know, a real friend would've cared, but Oliver only cares about his show.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It's tough to lose friends at our age.

Oh, I'm sure it is at your age.

But at mine?

Besides, I didn't lose them. They'll be back.

- Well, good thing you've got plenty of time to wait.

At your age.

I always used to say there were three types of people.

Alive, dead, and dead to me.

Bunny was dead to me a lot.

Not once did she apologize when we fought.

So, what, you apologized?

Me? Fuck no! What did I do?

Time passes, you forget what you're fighting about.

Thank God she wasn't dead to me when she actually died.

Oliver and Mabel aren't gonna die.

In fact, any second now, they're gonna reach out and apologize.

Ha, ha!

Hey!

Yes, this is he.

I thought I was already a friend of the Philharmonic.

I'm sorry, this is-- this is a bad time.

They'll call.

Thanks for breakfast.

Hey! Is that...

Oh. Well, he wasn't gonna use it.

- He? Is that the hanky Ben was holding the night that he...

Geez, how much did you order? - I got lunch and dinner.

Thanks again for helping.

Yeah, well...

I've been too obsessed with...

How do you sign "murder"?

I don't need them.

I'm the only one that cares about this case.

I just...

I just need to talk to someone

who can help me get closer to what happened.

Do you know Dickie?

Which of the...

Pickwick

Tri...

Plets

Okay.

It's a patter song.

So if you can bring a little more patter-pep-up.

This is as... pattery as I get.

- Okay, thank you! Thanks. - We'll let you know.

Everyone stinks!

Where are the decent actors? Why are they being kept from me?

I feel like we're working off old lists!

Like ancient crusty lists!

Cliff, darling, please!

You know how upsetting it is for me when you stress dance!

- It's these ping-ponging pressures of producing!

How do you do it? If it's not one thing, it's a goddamn other,

and sometimes I feel like I don't have a single good--

Oh, wait. I have an idea.

Hurrah.

But run it by Mommy first in case it's a stinker.

I'm gonna go make a call.

Oliver, we had someone...

decent playing the constable,

and I know you two had a spat, but--

I am not calling Charles, Donna!

He quit.

And I have far too much integrity to beg him to come back.

Counterpoint, you have no integrity,

and this is the perfect time to make use of that.

Well, that's a fair counterpoint.

We're almost to reopening.

It's time to pull out all the stops!

Cliff and I have been out there, trying to rev people up

about this mad genius musical redo of yours,

but they do ask who's in it.

And Charles was our only name.

That's being generous.

Look, look.

Charles was wrong for the part. End of story.

I mean, did he have a certain Ebenezer's younger cousin affability? Sure.

Was he good for the odd laugh?

Maybe. We had fun.

But this isn't about fun.

Charles was not committed to our show

and I will take passion over talent any day.

So, come on, who's next?

Who's this guy?

Who? Who? Who? Well

I... pick...

You!

Uh, sorry, is he okay?

That's what he does when he loves it.

Thank you for coming in.

My guy came through.

I knew it!

My guy is on his way!

Who is your guy?

The ringer from your middle school play?

Some less famous offspring of Marc Platt?

Sweet mother of Sondheim!

Which triplet--

Oh, good luck, man.

That Putnam guy's a monster.

Oliver? He's no...

He's already recasting?

- Which of the Pickwick triplets did it?

Which of the spawn had the brawn to kill?

Will a baby get tried for matricide?

Coochie-coochie-coo, time for you and you and you to admit it

So, quick as a whip, gotta pick

Which Pickwick triplet did it

Ah! Matthew Broderick!

I've had sex dreams about this moment!

How did you already nail that song?

What can I say? I'm a vessel.

Yes! Say more! Or less. Or just...

keep standing there so I can soak this in!

Matthew Broderick, Broadway legend!

I-I can't believe you're gonna be in my show.

Cliff, how did you pull this off?

Oh, MB and I met years ago

while sheltering during Superstorm Sandy.

- Ah. - Scary time.

Two weeks at the Ritz Carlton,

almost no room service. - Ugh.

- But we survived and now we're friends for life.

When Cliff called, I just dropped everything.

Nice work, sweetie.

And Matthew... Matthew!

Well, this is what we needed all along.

A true stage veteran.

Enough with these fussy film and TV franchise phony-baloneys.

- Charles-Haden Savage? - Exactly.