Super Drags

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

The following program is not suitable for viewers under the age of 16.

-Oh! What are they? Women? -I think they're dudes.

Nope, better! It's the Super Drags!

- -

Girls, a caravan of Goldiva fans is being hijacked by a crazy lunatic!

You must save them!

Let's go, ladies!

Oh, my God!

My whole life, I've just wanted to go to a Goldiva concert.

It's my dream!

Shut up, you disgusting homo!

Ow! My acrylics!

The Super Drags have come to take it...

uptown!

I hate sissy men!

I'm gonna kill myself and take you all with me!

Doubt this Closet Nancy would have the guts.

-Scarlet! -

Die, homos! Die!

Help!

I'm too young and pretty to die!

Scarlet!

Why are you standing there?

Help me! This is too heavy. I can't do it alone!

You complaining about weight, Lemon? That's a first!

Help! Help me!

Safira, you better use your goddamn--

Protection Force Field!

Oh, my God! This is fabulous!

Oh, no! It doesn't fit. It's way too tight.

Bye!

I guess Betty Bus Driver had the balls after all.

What are we waiting for, girls? Let's save them!

Oh, I can't! I don't know how to dive!

-And Kim K contour isn't water-resistant. -

Help us!

Take your color contacts off him, queen! I saw him first!

Oh, screw it! Saving a human life is more important than perfect glam!

Sorry, princess, but your homophobic days are over!

Mmm...

So, you fishies done yet?

Duh! Everyone's breathing, you old hag.

Serving wet-weave mermaid realness!

Where's the freaking terrorist?

I let him go. He was just too cute. Sorry!

Highlight - us queers' vital energy.

Every gay possesses it.

It's what makes us so special -

what makes us such fabulous, super-fierce, brunch-loving queens!

And every single gay alive and thriving

is obsessed with international pop sensation, Goldiva!

Her concert is bringing shirt-loathing boys brimming with highlight

from all over the world to one place:

Belt Buckle Bay.

This fucking backwards town!

The only city that still has a Blockbuster Video!

And an ancient evil is paying super-close attention.

I'm talking as ancient as termites and Liza!

To protect all the sickening gays and their precious highlight energy,

I, the fan-fucking-tastic Champagne,

assembled a select group of ladyboys with amazing skills!

Patrick with his immense dexterity!

Donny and his unparalleled self-control!

Hurry up, Dame Judi!

This store card gives you tons of rewards. Take it and use it, bitch!

And Ralph with his extraordinary creativity!

- -

Together, with the help of their trusty Gaydars,

they magically transform into the Super Drags

to combat the terrible forces of shade!

But they're basic. All they care about is Goldiva's concert!

But what do you expect, The Avengers?

Girl, we don't have that Marvel money.

Now, close-up on my diamonds.

- You saved us! - Finally! We waited forever!

Next time, I'm taking an uberPOOL.

See you next time, you fierce queens!

See you later, Super Drags!

Girls, my tits are so excited for Goldiva's concert!

Mine, too!

Did you know one time I locked myself in her van to surprise her?

But it wasn't a van, it was a wagon.

And it wasn't Goldiva's, it was Reba McEntire.

I just hope Champagne, that crypt keeper in Christian Siriano,

doesn't send us on another mission.

I heard that, honey!

For you, I have only silence and side-eye.

This is unbearable!

Bears, otters, circuit twinks, pocket Latins... So many gays!

And the worst part is that they aren't here for me,

but for that amateur slut in a pleather bodysuit!

I haven't seen so many gays in one place since my Royal Wedding party.

What do they even see in this Goldiva?

She can't even lip-sync correctly and dances like she's part-prosthetic!

Ah, but just you wait, my little Anne Hatha-gays!

Mama's gonna suck every last bit of highlight from those queers!

Oh, yes, she is! No more soft focus and airbrush!

I'll look young and beautiful once again, and these little skanks will realize...

They will see that a true star never falls!

Good morning, Belt Buckle Bay.

The announcement of international singer Goldiva's show...

Want a store card, ma'am?

...has brought thousands of LGBTQ homosexuals to our beautiful city.

I would share my opinion on the subject,

but the current law of political correctness forbids me to do so.

However, we have a special guest who is thankfully above the law!

Take it away, Rev. Sandoval!

Jezebel, it's nuts, which is what homos love in their face.

Back in my day we weren't politically correct.

We could trash-talk gays on TV all we wanted,

and if they complained, we would beat them up,

steal their purses and throw them in a ditch.

Anything else you would like to say?

Donate to our church, or the pterosaurs will come and...

That is awful!

Bitch! I'm gonna put some E.coli in his breakfast burrito.

Donny, tone it down. You know the walls have ears here.

-Those ain't ears, they're gloryholes! -Glory what?

There's a bunch of sassy queers coming to town,

ready to spend their disposable income, and the store's a mess!

Get back to work!

Whatever.

Where do you think you're going, Val?

Oh, Mr. Robert, my deviated septum is killing me!

You think maybe I can leave early, cutie-patootie?

-Oh, Jesus! Fine. -Can I take the Big One with me?

- Uh... Y-Yeah. I mean... -

Come on, big dummy! Let's get our stuff. Hashtag staycation!

Oh, Mr. Robert, can we leave a bit earlier, too?

My pH balance is off, and I'd love to shower with my soaps

and go to Goldiva's concert smelling fresh--

Sure, if you finish cleaning the warehouse.

But you may only leave once the entire place is spick-and-span spotless.

I should be able to see my alpha-male reflection in every surface.

-Yass, queen! -Oh, thank you!

Get out of here, man! No gay shit. Sorry your child had to see that.

Meanie.

-What? -What happened? This place is a dump!

Holy shit! It's like a Lindsay Lohan hotel room.

We'll be done cleaning up this mess the day I turn white.

Or when they cancel Grey's Anatomy and all those Law & Orders!

Calm down, ladies. We can do this together!

And how about some '80s tunes to get us sissin'!

It's time to lip-sync the motherfucking roof off!

In the ring, weighing...

Never mind. The fierce Patrick!

Work it, girl!

One, two, three!

She's spinning like I, Tonya.

She's a daydreamer, a night-screamer! She's Ralph!

Success! And last, but certainly a beast, it's the deliciously dynamic Donny!

Yass!

We did it, sisters! We're the best!

- - There's more.

- - We ain't done, bitch.

What if we try a more upbeat song this time?

No, Mr. Robert, don't lock the door on us!