Who Is America?

Ask not what your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your country.

Mr. Gorbachev,

...tear down this wall!

PRESIDENT FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT : The only thing we have to fear is...

...fear itself!

"Uhh, I don't know what I said. Uhh!"

I don't remember!

We are going to drain the swamp...

...in Washington, D.C.

I believe, that the mentally ill, need guns,

...because they are the people who are most bullied.

I am, uh, Billy Wayne Ruddock.

I'm here with Barney Frank, who was a congressman...

– ...and who now is no longer a congressman. – True.

I believe you are from...

...a different political perspective than me.

So let me ask you.

Do you accept, that Donald J. Trump...

...is the greatest president this country has ever known?

Oh, not...not...not... not at all.

– What? – The answer is, no, not at all.

As of now, very little in public policy has changed.

– Fake news. – What's fake news?

You think he is, I think he isn't.

Fine. Well, let's agree to disagree.

So, we're gonna talk about something...

...that might be difficult for you, something called facts, and...

Again, w-what...

Th-That's a sort, of gratuitous insult.

I did come hoping to have a, relaxed conversation,

...and you seem to me to be somewhat on edge about this.

– Not at all. – Oh, well...

I'm extremely relaxed. And I'm comfortable.

– Okay. I, uh... – I brought my own chair.

CNN, the Communist News Network,

...put out a myth, which was called Vaginal-gate,

...where they scurrilously tried to imply...

...that the President, had said, horrendous things about women,

...which was completely untrue!

Oh, you think the tape was false?

Yes, I do. And I have proof.

– No, you don't. – Yes, I do.

I think that's deluded. What's your proof?

Deluded?! Well, that is... that is an insult, sir.

– Yes, it's meant to be. – That is meant to be an insult?

– Yes. – Well, let me show you.

– Hold on, sir. – I'm not going anywhere.

What are you... What are you worrying about?

Access Hollywood.

What actually happened was they edited, the sound.

It was a longer conversation that was edited down.

Okay, but did he not say "grab 'em by the pussy"?

He did not. Billy Bush was talking...

...about a rat infestation, that he had.

This, sir, is the undoctored, unedited audio...

– Okay. – Hear it, sir, please.

Don't immediately dismiss it.

Yeah, that's her, with the gold.

I got a real problem with mice in my house.

How do I pick them up?

Grab 'em. Okay.

But I'm thinking of purchasing a cat...

...to catch those mice.

Do you think I should purchase a cat?

Buy the pussy.

– That doesn't make any sense. – "Grab them."

Yeah, I think you've... I think that's a fabrication.

– How is that a fabrication? – Because somebody fabricated it.

– Look, I got to tell you... – You heard it. That is evidence.

That is black-and-white!

This is... The fabrication what you played,

...it doesn't make sense.

No, I don't believe that Donald Bu...

Donald Trump, was giving Billy Bush advice...

...about how to catch rats.

So, let's talk, about crooked Hillary.

Did you support her, in her nefarious plan to...

...take over the presidency?

I supported her in her, uh, plan...

...to be elected to the presidency.

– So, did you support her? – I just said yes.

Do you at least admit, Congressman Frank,

...that Hillary Clinton was running a pedophile ring...

− ...underneath the pizza... − Oh, thank you. That is...

...the pizza restaurant right here in Washington?

No, I'm glad that you said that, because...

Thank you. Will you agree to that? And I appreciate that.

No, I'm not shaking hands on that, because...

− Well, that's rude. − ...it's a despicable lie.

How do you respond, sir, to this proof?

This is a receipt, from the very same pizza parlor.

Ping Pong Comet. Do you agree?

I... It's a receipt from Ping Pong Comet.

What's the proof that it's part of a child-pornography ring?

It says "CHILD" and, next to it, "FREE."

– Yeah. – They were giving away children for free.

That is sick. At least...

They were not giving away children, sir.

That meant that the children came in for free,

...not that the children, were given away for free.

This is purchased from eBay, sir, from eBay,

...from a, seller who is 94% ratified.

If you were in the process of running a ring,

...you wouldn't have a printed receipt to give out...

...as proof of your criminality, But what "CHILD FREE" means...

That is how stupid the Clintons are.

I'm... I'm not gonna put...

But do you at least admit that North Korea controls the news?

I'll take that as a yes.

Today, the biggest terror threat in America...

...comes from radical liberals called Antifa.

These Nissan Leaf -driving vegans...

...are dangerous...

...too dangerous for me alone.

I'm gonna need some backup. Yalla. Let's go.

I think there's blame on both sides,

...and I have no doubt about it.

What about the alt-left?

They came charging at the, as you say, the alt-right.

Do they have any, semblance of guilt?

I need a warrior to help me on my mission,

...so I go to America's heartland...

...to pick one of three contestants,

...all of whom have already proven their courage...

...by anonymously attacking...

...women, immigrants, and homos, on the Internet.

There are, at least 50 documented terrorist training camps...

...in the continental United States.

What is the most dangerous, terror group...

...in the United States?

– I don't know. – Antifa.

– Antifa. – Yes.

Who are Antifa?

They're the anti-fascists.

They want to take down everything...

...that our current president, is doing right.

What will happen if they have their way...

...and get rid of fascists?

How will America be?

We will be... become a shithole country.

We know that Antifa are planning something.

Who is brave enough...

...to tackle, these anti-fascist terrorists?

– I will. – I will.

I've been thinking about it a lot.

Train me, equip me, I'll do it.

To infiltrate Antifa,

...we have to know how to walk, and talk,

...eat, and even smell like a liberal.

How long do you cook quinoa for?

Couldn't tell ya.

– I don't know what that is. – Nine minutes.

What is the recommended rear tire pressure...

...of the Nissan Leaf?

32 pounds per square inch.

– 35. – 35.

It's actually 35 to 36, but...

– Good. I like the detail. – Yeah.

There is a television show here... Girls.

I don't... I don't...

– I'm not even familiar with it. – Yeah.

There is a lead actor, called Lena Dunham.

– She is a liberal. – Yes.

They like to use this as a code word.

They say, "Ah, what's your, favorite episode of Girls?"

Oh, okay. So kind of like an introduction.

You don't have to learn all of it. Learn one.

Season two, episode shalosh.

In this one, Hannah gets to know her neighbor, Laird.

Meanwhile, Marnie meets...

...her old artist flame, Booth Jonathan,

...who take her home, to show her the studio.

Dude, what's your favorite episode of Girls?

Gosh, I like season two, episode three.

Good. Okay. So, let's do interaction.

You pretend to be liberal. Go.

Dude, what's your favorite episode of Girls, man?

Oh, I like season one, episode six.

What is your favorite episode?

I like season two, episode three.

She... She did a bunch of stuff on the thing.

She met her neighbor downstairs, and, uh...

What was the neighbor called?

– Lost it. – Bang! Out!

– He is an infiltrator. – Yep.

Remember, the neighbor downstairs, is called Laird.

Laird. – Good.

What else happened in this episode?

She went to her ex-flame's studio apartment.

– And what was his name? – Booth Jonathan.

And who went?