DC's Legends of Tomorrow

Look out, world.

I have arrived.

25 quid. - Oh.

I've got two.

That'll get you this.

No money, no ride.

Just get me to my house.

There's money there, and I can--

Out!

Can I ask what your business is?

I reckon you're selling something

if you came all the way out this way.

I came from over there.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I'm glad the owner finally got a housekeeper.

If you've got reasonable rates,

me and the missus could use a hand at ours.

I've a collection of Bethany fixtures,

which need constant dusting.

What's your name, sir?

Robert Truss from number 220.

Well, Robert,

I'm not the help.

I live here.

We're neighbors.

That's a good one, yes.

Oh, you're serious.

But that can't be. I mean, you living

in an upstanding community such as this.

You don't know anything about me.

I know the kind of people who do live here,

and you are not the type.

Oh, really?

So what type am I, exactly?

What about me doesn't fit in with you upstanding residents?

Is it because I'm tall? - Ah.

Or female? Or Black?

You stay back.

And I'll not be threatened this way

in my own neighborhood.

And I won't be treated like a criminal in mine.

Oh, there you are.

I have got a list of things I need you to fix,

starting with punishing your racist neighbor.

You'll have to be more specific, love,

and I'm on the clock.

I got a bloke in an alien costume

with another alien inside him,

and I gotta prep my gut for a purging spell.

Dammit.

Please get me out of this meat-fumed atrocity.

Oh, what do you mean?

You mean you don't want any special sauce

with that big, bad burger? - Hold it right there.

Oh, hi. - Oh, hey, girl.

Hey.

John, where's your washing machine?

I don't need one.

You see, my clothes are bewitched

to clean themselves whenever they see fit.

Mm, your clothes have thoughts.

Yeah. - That's kind of hot.

Creepy.

I also need the internet.

Yes, the internet.

I will get right to that.

I will whip up a spell in no time.

I just...I've got to get...

John. - Something with--yeah.

You and your empty promises, John.

Yes, I am a U.S. citizen,

but my mother was from Northumberland,

so I'm practically a local.

My background check says I'm only 15?

Okay, yeah, that's because I spent my adolescence

in another dimension where time works differently, so--

Hello?

Oh!

Oh, God.

Oh, good, you're back. I need you to fix

the kitchen sink and-- what are you wearing?

Have you seen my emergency pack of smokes?

I knew that I left them here somewhere.

No--I still need the internet,

and a job, and food apparently.

Living topside takes work, love.

But you do everything with magic.

Which is work!

Bollocks!

There you are.

Thank you.

How about a spell to fix the sink?

Oh, come on, you have got to be kidding me!

You try getting a job

when your last employers were the Triumvirate of Hell.

Just give me my power back,

or I will have your blood drained

to fill my swimming pool.

I miss my blood pool.

Sterling silver.

European enamelware.

Hundred-year-old designer luggage, okay.

Huh, Bethany table lamp.

Sorry I never learned to read music like you, Mom.

My, how the mighty have fallen.

Hello?

Who said that?

Back right corner, my lady.

Further right. Almost there.

And now you've got it.

Who are you?

Aleister Crowley, at your service.

But enough about me.

My concern is for you, dear girl.

What's become of the notorious Astra Logue?

You know who I am?

Of course I do.

You're the woman who clawed her way

to the tops of Tartarus.

Looks like you've discovered the hard way

that you can't take that power with you, eh?

In some ways, it's easier in Hell

because there aren't any rules, but here, there are so many,

and following them isn't getting me anywhere.

It's...humiliating.

A powerful queen has become a helpless princess,

and Hell is lesser for it.

Look who's talking.

A renowned warlock, Satanist, and alien enthusiast

trapped in a portrait.

Touché, my lady.

That scoundrel John Constantine summoned me from Hell

to learn my secrets,

and when he was done with me, he banished me

into this blasted painting and tossed me

into this rubbish heap.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

John made me promise to give living

like a normal human being an honest go,

but he did not prepare me for how hard it would be up here.

This house is falling apart. I am completely broke.

I don't know how to fix any of it.

Master Constantine has neutered us both, hasn't he?

But your predicament is easily rectified.

A simple set of spells will give you the power

to change things around here.

I can teach you how, if you'd like.

You're offering to teach me magic?

It would be my greatest honor.

The infamous Sara Lance.

I've been waiting a long time for you.

So you must be the all-powerful

space lord behind all this.

When you put it that way, I sound like a super-villain.

Such a bummer. Not at all my speed.

Oh!

But I have been waiting

a long time to meet you, Sara.

Is it okay if I call you that?

I feel like I've known you my whole life,

like we're old friends, simpatico,

dancing to the same drummer.

Who the hell are you?

My name is Bishop,

but that means literally nothing, right?

You've never heard of me.

There's no context for that label whatsoever, but...

Ooh.

You were stung by a Zaguron.

Its venom has almost reached your heart.

You've got about ten seconds before it's lights out.

You'll have come all this way for nothing,

and you'll die with no answers as to why.

I'm the man who's going to save all of humanity,

starting with you and this antidote.

Five, four, three...

Oh, no, no, don't struggle.

Your muscles need time to adjust.

What is this stuff?

Medicine to vitalize your organs.

The transition can be tough.

Bishop saved your life.

I don't want anything from him.

Get me out of here.

How's our patient this morning, Nurse Ava?

Pissed off and calculating the different ways

she can kill you.

Back to her old self. - Perfect.

I've got the presentation all ready for her.

Let me go.

But you haven't even seen the pitch yet.

A/V Ava worked on it for days.

She'll be crushed if you don't give it

even just a little peek.

Our planet was perfection.

It had everything carbon-based life-forms needed

to coexist in harmony with nature

and each other,

but humanity would not be satisfied.

Human greed destroyed Earth