American Dad!

What about this one, Steve?

It's got a train on it.

Sick!

That's the engine!

That's the cool part.

There's a caboose on your butt flap!

For your choo-choo poo-poos!

Mom, this is baby stuff.

I'm going to go see what the guy's section has

in the way of butt flaps.

Great, that sounds fun. Come on, Klaus.

Actually, I was thinking, it's a new year.

Maybe it's time for a new me.

A me who picks out his own clothes.

You must be freaking out.

Why?

Sure, Steve's growing up, but he's my son.

We'll always have a special connection.

Bullshit!

You're freaking!

Mama's little boy is becoming a guy,

and you can't handle it.

It's just the natural order of things, Klaus.

Boys become guys.

Guys become big guys, and big guys can get it.

You're being really coolright now.

The secret to shoppingat outlets

is that only the newbiespick off the outer crust.

You've got to dig for the gems.

Put in some elbow grease.

Polo sport?

Yes please.

So big. So yellow. It's a keeper!

Yes!

Must have!

Great piece!

So you!

My God, these deals are amazing.

Tell me about it. I just got this phone for free!

Where?

That man's pocket.

I found my new look.

I hope you like it as much as I do!

Get up, come on, get down with the sickness

Get up, come on, get down with the sickness

Oh, man.

And I thought I liked the train!

Mom?

I love it?

You... look like

you probably have a kid from a previous marriage!

Good morning, U.S.A.

I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day

The sun in the sky has a smile on his face

And he's shinin' a salute to the American race

Boy, it's swell to say

Good... Good morning, U.S.A.

Good morning, U.S.A.

Are you sureabout this, Steve?

As a group, we've always adhered

to a low-profile philosophy.

That's why we never make an impression!

Every semester, people think we're transfer students.

I'm looking to turn eyeballs, fellas.

I'm talking 180 degrees...

Fahrenheit because I'm red-hot!

You guys coming?

This is your time to shine.

Smith!

What are you wearing?

Because it looks so incredible on you!

Three cheers for his wonderful clothes!

Steve, I thought you were a total slonch,

but you're hella drich.

Okay, girls, clear out.

You don't have to go to class,

but you can't block my bulletin board.

What's that for, Principal Lewis?

Audition sheet for the school play.

It doesn't really concern low-profile kids like...

You are the star of my play!

Tapout? You're the one!

You're my Oedipus Rex!

Auditions are canceled!

Geez. What a reception.

Smith, you're going to bethe man this year.

Don't make friendswith the transfer students.

Check.

Check.

Check.

All secure.

Klaus!

Stop sneaking around!

But I'm the silent hero of this house.

No one asked you to do this.

Sometimes, a hero has to do the things

nobody asked him to do.

A light.

It's gone.

I'm seeing things. Must be tired.

It's back!

I should call for backup.

But they won't come.

They don't exist.

I'll have to go alone.

Francine, you milky marvel.

You're a one-woman dairy farm.

Francine, what are you doing?!

Sewing. No, you're not!

You have things on your boobs!

A sewing machine.

No.

Okay, it's a breast pump.

I pump a little breast milk now and then

and sneak it into Steve's food.

A little?!

You've got the pump turnedall the way up to "thirsty boy"!

Steve needs it for his health,

and it's not like I'm doing it in the park.

No, you're doing it in a secret bunker.

A shame dungeonbecause you know it's wrong!

It's completely natural.

It's just that society doesn't understand.

Anyway, now that you know

my shameful, very natural secret,

will you please not tell Steve?

He has a lot on his plate right now.

A lot of breast milk.

No, really, Klaus.

I need you to promise.

He does have a loton his plate right now,

with his whole style changeand the school play.

Okay.

Your secret is safe with me.

See?! You have been drinking it, bro!

So gross!

Mom, why?!

With everythingon my plate right now!

Is this turtleneck too high up?

Is it... Is it too much material?

Maybe your neck is not long enough.

Maybe you just can't rock a turtleneck.

Take that back!

I won't. It's true.

I have yet to meet the garmentthat I cannot rock!

Now that I think about it, your short neck's kind of gross.

You look nothing like a swan.

Look at me... total swan.

Duck lips, swan neck, peacock attitude...

the full bird, Stan.

This phone takes video?

All phones take video.

Whatever, Stump-neck. So does mine.

Check it out!

I'm a director now!

Hazel Bazels, a documentary director.

Meet the crew.

Been on every one of my films.

When you've been to the places we've been together,

talk about a band of brothers!

I take it you don't needthe phone anymore?

Hey, where'd everybody go?

Those scumbags tried to unionize.

Turns out Allen was the little ringleader.

I've got nothing against unions.

My daddy was a union man... Pipe Fitters Local 97.

But unions just don't make sensefor certain industries.

For instance, pipe fitting.

I mean, what the hell kind of job is that, anyway?

Just go to Home Depot and match them up!

Does this one fit? No. Does this one fit? Yes! Done!

Anyway, I'm a director now!

Good morning, Steve.

How's my little guy?

Not still mad at his mommy

for the wholebreast-milk situmation!

Your first day of rehearsal today.

I want you to be ready.

I made pancakes.

I will never accept food or drink from you again!

Is this aboutthe breast-milk situmation?

Yes! How could you do this to me?

I didn't do it toyou. I did it foryou!

I was going to stopwhen everyone else did,

but I forgot to Google it!

Well, maybe you could have Googled it before I turned 14!

It was never a good time.

First, your eyes went bad.

Next, we found outyou were allergic to bees!

Third grade took youalmost a year to complete!

I mean, who knows what would happen

if I tookmy breast milk away.

Thank God for this prepackaged, not legally orange juice!

Honey, at least let me cook you some eggs!

How do I know you didn't lay them yourself, Mother?

Hey, I'm Steve, your costar.

I'll be playing Oedipus.

Welcome tohigh-school theater.

Here's what you need to know...

We leave it all on the stage,