The Villains of Valley View

Oh. Hey, there.

Happy Holidays.

I was just looking at some old photos.

Did I ever tell you about the Maddens'

first Christmas in Valley View?

It was definitely one I'll never forget.

- - Yay!

It's the day before Christmas.

My favorite day of the year.

Wow, that is a lot of excitement

for a fat guy coming down a chimney.

Hey, guys.

Here it is!

Our first family Christmas tree.

We cut it down ourselves.

We? I cut it down.

And I told you to do it. That's teamwork, Jake.

Isn't this great?

The smell of the trees, the cookies in the oven.

And everyone's just a little bit nicer to each other.

Did you just chop down my tree?

Never mind the halls. I'm about to deck you in the...

Ah-ah, Grandma!

It's the holidays.

Remember what your anger management coach said.

Show some compassion.

And try to keep it together until your next appointment.

Fine.

Since I gave you a tree,

you're about to help me finish my Christmas to-do list.

The shopping, the wrapping, the decorating.

You haven't done any of it?

Nah. From Thanksgiving on,

I just sit in a chair

waiting for the cold in the air

to match the cold in my heart.

Well, Colby will be happy to help.

Me? Why me?

Because you seemed like you'd be the least happy to help.

Come on, elf boy.

Time to clock you in to Celia's workshop.

You're gonna look great in green tights.

She's kidding about the tights, right?

It's the pointy shoes you should be worried about.

So...

did you get the number one thing on both of our Christmas lists?

I mean, it is the first time we're exchanging gifts

on the biggest holiday of the year.

But no pressure.

We asked for Bumps.

You know, those cool headphones that sound amazing

and double as a weapon when you throw them like a boomerang?

Those are the hottest gift this year.

They're almost impossible to find.

But remember, Christmas isn't just about the presents.

Of course not.

But fair warning, me getting those headphones

will determine whether or not you have a happy New Year.

Oh, Amy, let them enjoy their New Year.

It's the rest of the year they should be worried about.

Can you believe them?

Like we wouldn't get the top thing on their lists.

Seriously.

I didn't buy them, did you?

I didn't know there was a list!

Oh, if you want to know what you're getting, just ask me.

I already opened all your gifts and rewrapped them again.

Amy!

- I opened all of hers too. - Jake!

I had to make sure her gifts weren't better than mine.

And they're not.

Hope you like a sweater that says:

"Sleigh it ain't so."

I can't believe you two.

All you care about are the presents.

That is not what Christmas is about.

Hmm, yeah. I think the bigger problem is,

I opened all those gifts and I didn't see one pair of Bumps.

Neither did I. It's almost Christmas.

What if they didn't get them? I'm losing my mind, Amy!

I'm losing my mind!

How do you think I feel?

I was counting on those to tune you out.

This gift-wrapping thing is hard work.

Next year, everyone's getting their presents in grocery bags.

Two more gifts for under the tree.

One for Amy, one for Jake.

- I can't wait any longer. - Attack!

Oh!

What's this?

Your number one gift.

No. We wanted Bumps. These are Zumps.

Bumps, Zumps, what's the difference?

Oh, about a hundred dollars, since you left the price tag on.

These are knockoffs.

Look, we tried every store in Valley View,

and they're all sold out, sorry.

We hate to drop bad news and leave,

but we also hate to drop bad news and stay.

Time for Plan B.

Buying them ourselves and reminding Mom and Dad

they're horrible parents.

Exactly.

Valley View might not have any,

but someplace in Texas has to have a pair.

To the Internet!

You two are a lost cause.

Oh, yes!

Okay, this says a store a few towns over has one pair left.

But we need two pairs.

Oh. Right.

Amy, get back here!

Hello?

Yes, could you put your last pair of Bumps

on hold for me, please?

Ma'am, it's Christmas. That type of language is uncalled for.

Look at those suckers.

Putting in all that work decorating their houses

for the holidays just to take it down two weeks later.

On the plus side, I do enjoy seeing

the occasional middle-aged man fall off a roof.

Seasons greetings, Maddens.

Yikes! Your house looks like

where holiday cheer goes to die.

Nope, still depressing.

I guess the glasses weren't the problem.

I beg to differ.

Where are all your decorations?

Not really our thing.

Well, you two Scrooges are missing out.

Every Christmas Eve,

the best-decorated house in the neighborhood

wins the grand prize.

And suddenly, it is our thing.

Well, you're a little late.

The judging starts in a few hours.

This year, I've got an inflatable snow woman

and I dressed her up as Jennifer Lopez.

I call her J-Snow.

Get this, she dances as she throws snowballs

at unsuspecting people passing by.

Pfft. That's not that impressive.

Okay, that's impressive.

And that's why I always win.

Oh, dear.

J-Snow just took out Mrs. Stodemeyer's Yorkie.

Well, that'll teach him to turn my snow yellow.

Toodles.

Time to make this house look like Christmas

threw up all over it.

I want to beat him too,

but there's barely any time to decorate.

Plus, you know, manual labor.

Ugh!

We'll just use our powers.

You can amp up the lights to be the brightest on the block,

and we'll get Colby to do the rest,

because why have kids if not gonna make 'em

do our dirty work?

I don't know, it still seems like a lot of effort.

Okay, now I'm in.

There you are.

You've barely made a dent in my Christmas to-do list.

I need a break.

I've spent my entire day wrapping your presents,

decorating your tree.

I mean, I even replaced the transmission in your car.

Look, I really am grateful for your help.

I even brought you this gift to show my appreciation.

What is it?

It's a Christmas Troll in a Bowl.

He keeps an eye on you to make sure you behave,

or you won't get any presents on Christmas morning.

Yeah, right. I'm not a little kid, Celia.

That's not gonna work.

Wait, did that thing just wink at me?

I don't know. Did he?

I sure wish I had some help with my Christmas to-do list.

Uh, y-you know what?

Turns out I have more energy than I thought.

Good, 'cause I have a longer list than I thought.

Bumps! I need the Bumps!

I need them more. I'll do anything.

I'll wash your car. I'll clean your house.

Don't have a house? I'll build you one.

Sorry, you're out of luck. Just sold the last pair.

To who?

Whoever it is, we can take 'em.

To her.

Happy Holidays!

Uh-oh.

I don't suppose security could walk me out?

Hartley, what are you doing?

You know I wanted those headphones.

Well, how do you know I wasn't buying them for you?

- Were you? - No way.

These babies are all mine.

I'm sorry, but I wanted them too.

And when I found out there was only one pair left,

I had to get them.