The Simpsons

The Simpsons S15E10

" Diatribe of a mad housewife "

Official captions captured by Raceman in canada

d-ohh!

captioning sponsored by

fox broadcasting company and twentieth century fox

Let's see. I'll have 16 gravy scrape 'ems,

a bucket of twisty lard,

and two super-choker breakfast burritos with macho sauce.

And mega-size it, please.

Squeaky-voiced teen: I could also deep-fry the bag.

Great. And I'll have a diet coke-- deep-fried.

Mmm... mmm!

Mm-mm... mm-mm...

mm-mm... hmm...

need more lap.

I can't see!

I'll have to steer by the reflection in my watch!

ohh! Why don't I just pull over?

can't stop! Krusty collectible toy jammed under brake pedal!

Hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hey, hey!

intruder detected. Calling local police.

line busy. Shutting down.

Mr. Burns,

the department of nuclear security

is very impressed with your plant.

Yes. We're well-protected against every threat,

from bomb-toting bolsheviks to golden-armed jazzbos.

homer: Oh, no! I hit

the grief counselor!

Promise... me... you'll report this.

Consider yourself fired!

I had a car!

Mom, can we go into this bookstore?

Please, please, please, please,

please, please, please? Well, I could use a muffin.

I'm going to go up to the fourth floor

where the books are.

I'm gonna taunt the phd'S.

Hey, guys, I heard an assistant professorship

just opened up.

Oh! Where?

Ooh! At the university of... psyche!

Aw! Aw!

esme delacroix?

She wrote to kiss a scoundrel!

"...And they tumbled to the heather,

"breeches to bustle, crinoline to burlap,

their mansion in ashes, their passion aflame."

End of chapter one.

yeah. When it happens in a book, it's romantic.

But, when willie tries to kiss ya,

you're all pepper spray and fingernails.

: Marge simpson, longtime reader,

first-time stander-upper.

Did you have any special training to become a writer?

Just a class at the "y"-- yale university.

But anyone with passion can write.

Anyone? If I write a book,

will they tell me when it comes out?

Well, they should, yes. Then I'll do it!

I gotta get a job before marge finds out I was fired.

Ah! That's it!

I'll steal this sign, and they'll pay me

to make them a new one!

I'll show you what we do

with scammers like you!

Okay, here's how it goes:

Buyers never tell you what they're

willing to spend. And, wthey talk privately,

we spy on them through this one-way mirror.

We'll clean out those stupid americans.

you probably want to talk this over,

so I'll leave you two "alone."

excuse me.

Well, honey, what do you think?

Did that salesman cut one during

the test drive? Yeah. And, for some reason,

he turned on the radio to cover up the smell.

Let's get out of here.

I'm not shaking that guy's hand.

They'll be back.

aw! He was my best friend.

hmm!

Cool! An ambulance from the '60s!

I bet a lot of hippies were denied care in this thing.

: Injuhippies.

Aw, we'll never sell this thing.

The brakes are shot, the engine's rusted.

The only thing that works is the siren.

siren: Buy me! Buy me! Buy me!

I'll do it! Do what?

guess what. I quit my job as a used car salesman.

You work at the nuclear plant. Get with the program, marge.

Your husband is now an ambulance driver.

Don't you need training for that?

Maybe on planet zoozoo.

Hey, I think it's cool. I can defibrillate lisa!

Not if I pump your heart full of morphine first!

Kids! Kids! Those aren't your toys.

They're to keep daddy asleep and awake.

I'm gonna need them on my first shift tonight.

Tonight? But I was hoping you could watch the kids

while I work on my novel. Slow down, picasso!

You were gonna start a novel without informing me?

Homer, you left two jobs

and bought an ambulance without even a phone call.

I also fed some ducklings.

I know. I got your message. Fine, fine.

I'll take the kids tonight, and you go to your

precious hair appointment. I'm writing a novel!

Whatever. But I think you look great already.

Thank you!

Hmm... what should I write about?

That painting has always sparked my imagination.

That's it! A novel about whaling.

That's something you haven't seen before.

Thank you, "scene from moby-dick."

"Chapter one: Starts and beginnings.

"'Swim, swim, swim,' thought the whale,

flapping his... floppers."

Brownie break!

"...Mayor quimby, disco stu,

and our fighting men and women overseas."

Well, I finished the "thank yous."

Time to go back to the novel.

Temperance barrows stared at the sea

like a dog stares at a ham.

Ooh, I just finished my first paragraph.

Spell check! Perfect!

Now, let's see if lightning strikes twice!

Where to, mack? For the third time,

the hospital. You're an ambulance,

not a taxi! Hospital, eh?

Wow, everyone's goin' there tonight.

Dad, you've been driving in circles for 20 minutes.

Why don't you just admit you don't know where

the hospital is. Why don't you admit

I know it's around here somewhere!

For temperance, the days passed on...

as did seven of her ten children.

When will father return from his whaling voyage?

This family has not seen whale meat

for a onemonth.

Bartleby, leezakiah, we must be grateful for what we have.

Family, the good lord has blessed my voyage!

Behold his bounty!

And for you, good wife, virginia's miracle crop...

tobacco.

Ooh, it has colored my teeth a healthy brown.

Was there ever a more perfect husband than you?

marge, I'm back! Oh, homie, I've had

the most exciting day... yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need some dinner, stat!

And the kids need some cpr lessons.

We're not paramedics! I'll say.

Oh good, you can use that to take down

my dinner order.

I'll start with the soup,

then a nice mixed grill with a side of wild rice.

Fine. Right after this revision!

Temperance had to face the unhappy truth

she had married a brute. Hey, baby.

I've returned from portsmouth.

Now let me put my tongue down yourmouth.

ugh! Now cook up my catch.

a seagull?

The whales weren't biting, okay?

I know you did your best. Yeah, yeah, you know everything,

don't you?

Now don't wait up. I'll be at moab'S.

This story is as dark as those new milky way bars.

Ooh, that's a good analogy. I'll work it in somewhere.

But now I need some romance, pronto!

Hey, marge, you look

like you could use a nice big stud...

detector.

They were two for one at krusty home depot,

so I got an extra one for you guys!

Ned, that's so considerate. Well, some say

being thoughtful is old-fashioned.

If so, then I guess I'm just a cave man.

If they existed, which they didn'T.

Boy, when you write, you can let your imagination run wild.

Temperance was doing the laundry...

man: My, those are

pretty calluses. And your back has

a nice new england hump.

I'm cyrus manley, and I'm new to the island.

Perhaps you could show me around?

Nantucket is an island?

What do you know? It is!

Well, I could take you on a tour.

As long as my husband doesn't need me.

: Hey, baby,

I know we work together, but I think you're hot.

Let's go.