The Nothing

Now why was that so painful?

Why was that 60 seconds, the most uncomfortable

part of your day?

See, I think it's because society tells us

to avoid silence, and we're conditioned to think

that something's wrong with quiet.

I can't tale it anymore, what's in the bag?

You really wanna know?

Yes.

Okay I know it's a little late,

but happy graduation babe.

- Oh my Gosh, that looks amazing.

Did you make this?

I made the decision to buy it.

- Okay, just think about living here,

would you get lonely?

I mean there are times where you'd wanna go here

for a vacation or an escape.

But the idea of living here, routinely, day-to-day.

If I'm being honest with myself, I don't--

Ah that must be Hunter.

Well, patience is his best quality,

so obviously he's a piece of shit.

What the fuck!

- Just gonna let yourself in huh?

- Yes, and you're welcome for me being here.

What else would you be doing?

Getting laid.

But is too much silence a bad thing?

Are the mundane relationships that we keep

the only things weaving us to sanity?

Are you sure that this is okay?

I mean, I know I said we'd go out to celebrate.

- What, are you kidding, look at this.

Okay, this is perfect.

Just us, that's okay?

So are you able to meet with my cousin next week?

Um, no.

Why not?

There's a position open and she wants to interview you.

I mean we could maybe get you out of your parents house.

Um, I'm busy next week.

The whole week, you're just busy?

Yeah.

- Okay mystery man, what are you busy with?

Well it's a surprise.

Like a good surprise?

- Well I think it's a good surprise,

for you it's like a surprise car crash.

Hey.

Yeah, she's a little mad at me.

Hey dad.

Hi son.

Hey, can I interview you?

Sure what about?

- Um, just like your job and you know,

your career.

Yeah, maybe later.

- Some of the best art in the world was created

in the darkest hours of those artists lives.

And I'm talking about the whole artistic spectrum okay,

poets, musicians, film makers, painters,

novelists, anyone who creates.

The thing is those artists happily shared it

because they...

I don't know, they had too.

Makaila.

Makaila, (groans).

Curt Cobain, Van Gogh, Edgar Allen Poe,

they've all found masterpieces through insanity.

- Well I mean I think it's a waste of time,

but then also I think it's kinda fucking dumb.

Wow okay.

I mean clearly, you're going through

a quarter life crisis, so--

- No. - That's fine.

- Anyways, back to the interview.

- You've spent the last three months growing

a depression beard.

This isn't a depression beard.

- That is a depression beard and you know it.

You are three days away from a straight-up homeless beard.

- Okay cool man, thanks so much for coming out.

You know what, I'm being a good friend,

and good friends tell the fucking truth.

Ernest Hemingway said the terrible mood

of depression, whether it's any good or not

is known as the artists reward.

I'll be honest with you, I haven't

taken anything seriously in a very long time.

It's time I do.

So the plan, to create loneliness.

Mikaila's gonna drop me off deep in the Georgia Mountains,

no town whatsoever for 20 miles, no car,

no phone, no GPS.

Just me alone in the woods with my thoughts

for five days.

You know, look at me man, I did it.

I did the sell out thing that you're talking about.

It got me two weeks paid vacation, benefits,

and I get to pretend that I'm good at golf

every once in a while.

It's not bad.

Wow.

No I'm sorry, there's so much to look forward too

when you put it like that.

- You know what I think you're fucking problem is,

is that I think you've seen too many movies

with manic pixie dream girls in 'em, okay.

- What? - You know

what I'm talking about.

It's just these girls who are just like,

just find your passion, it's exactly what you sound like.

Okay just find you passion, and then once you've found

that passion just hug it, okay.

And then that hug will bloom into happiness and joy,

and you'll just come back from the dead,

and start just loving life.

Oh you're done, thank God, you're done.

Okay.

Manic pixie dream girls aren't real.

Let's just, let's just do the thing

that I invited you over here to help me with okay.

Can we just do that?

Please?

Where were we?

Where were we?

We were at finding your passion, and hugging it.

All right so Hunter.

Yes.

- Tell me about your best friend Clayton.

- Oh man, he is the clumsiest person in the world.

I mean he's clumsy, but I wouldn't say

he's the clumsiest person in the world.

- No it's true, anyone clumsier then Clayton is dead.

Let's see, what else?

This is gonna be so good.

I mean he is really smart, but you can't call him bright.

One time he ate gas station sushi.

- Okay. - He likes baths better

then showers. - Okay, I mean things

pertaining to this experiment,

not weird shit you know about each other.

- In high school he would make study guides

at finals time for all the students,

but he would spend so much time making

these study guides to sell them,

that he wouldn't spend any time actually studying.

And then he would fail himself.

But you know, I mean he'd always come off with like

1000 bucks or so for Christmas

or summer break or whatever.

That's just the first thing that comes to me.

No that's, that's good.

Can I just say one more thing?

Oh my Gosh.

So what, God you just graduated,

and you don't know what you're gonna do with your life.

Welcome to everybody's thought process

that's ever graduated.

You're just scared, first time in your life,

you don't have everything planned out for you.

Yes, thank you, it's finally been said okay.

I think you're fine, and we can continue now,

but I think you're fine.

- Okay, thank you. - All right, so what's

the first fucking question?

Huh.

Um...

I don't know.

There's like a whole foot--

I know.

Hunter are you on a wide enough lens

to capture all of her hatred?

Got it.

Oh good, we can continue now.

- All right, good afternoon Mikaila,

and Clayton, it's the eve of your solo camping trip.

And how are we feeling this afternoon--

Stop, take it back.

How are you feeling?

Excited, er, a little nervous.

And what about you Mikaila?

- Annoyed, frustrated, upset, angry, confused--

Just, just all of the negative words

in the English language.

That's French for something mean.

Hunter, how, how did I describe how she

is treating me the other day?

Can you remember, it was a metaphor.

No I'd love to hear this metaphor.

No I wouldn't do it.

- No please, - Don't, don't.

I would love to hear it.

Don't.

- You're treating me like I am running over

your dog while I'm stabbing your family to death,

while simultaneously banging your best friend.

So...

We can start the interview now.