The Bad Guys

Stop.

I'll stop if you just explain it to me,

- because I don't... - Would you please just drop it?

All right, all right, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Consider it dropped. It's dropped.

- It's on the ground. - Good.

But, I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays.

You got decorations.

You got balloons. You got parties and cake.

Look, I don't need presents,

I don't want decorations, and I'm-I'm not a cake guy.

Seriously, though, you don't like cake?

Name one food better than cake.

Guinea pig.

Oh, again with the guinea pig.

I bet if I blindfolded you,

you wouldn't be able to tell the difference

between a skunk and a guinea pig.

Wrong. Snakes have impeccable taste buds.

- I can taste air. - Air?

Yes. Air.

Mm. Nice.

I don't know. They're a little, uh...

a little cute for my taste.

That's what makes them so delicious.

You're not just eating food.

You're eating pure goodness.

It's not about the pig.

It's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level.

So, you can... you can taste air?

What else you got?

- Forget about it. - W-W-Wait.

Can you also hear color?

- Can you see sound? - All right, all right. Okay.

'Cause we should really be capitalizing on these skills.

Okay, all right, fine. Get it all out.

- Get it all out now. - Okay, okay.

Look at that. 4:00 p.m.

Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.

- Let's bounce. - Yep.

Tastes like, um, you're gonna stick me with the bill... again.

Well, it is my birthday.

So now you play the birthday card?

That's interesting.

Can we get a check, please, when you get a chance?

Hello? Checkity-check-check.

You know what?

We're just gonna leave the money right here, okay?

You know the one good thing about this place?

- What? - We never have to wait for a table.

Well, isn't that every place?

Hey, man. How you been? I haven't seen you in...

Snake attack!

Oh. Mints.

Sorry, folks. I'm switching him to decaf.

All right.

Let's do this.

Guinea pig, huh?

It's the Rolls-Royce of rodents.

Yeah, but it's still a rodent.

You know what I mean?

Don't mind us, just robbing this place.

Whoo! Yeah!

- Go bad... - Or go home.

Hey, you. Get over here.

Little bit closer.

Oh, I know what it is.

You're afraid because I'm the... the Big Bad Wolf.

Well, I'm not surprised.

I am the villain in every story.

Isn't that right, Mr. Snake?

Yep.

Say hello to Mr. Snake.

Serpentine, safe-cracking machine.

Imagine Houdini but with no arms.

Kind of guy who'd tell you the glass is half empty,

then steal it from you.

He's also my best bud.

And today's his birthday!

- Not relevant. - He's a sweetheart.

You're a sweetheart.

Well, look who's here.

Took 'em long enough.

Watch this.

Three.

Two. One.

And over here is Ms. Tarantula,

our in-house hacker, our pocket search engine,

our traveling tech wizard.

We call her Webs.

Very slick, Webs.

I also took over the police dispatch,

blurred their satellite imaging system,

grounded their chopper.

And one more thing.

You didn't.

I got a special delivery for...

Ah! Ooh! Don't eat me!

Please! Don't eat me!

Happy birthday, Mr. Grumpy Pants.

I think I hate you.

Guys, it's me.

I was the construction worker.

And this is Mr. Shark,

master of disguise,

apex predator of a thousand faces.

His greatest trick: Stealing the Mona Lisa

disguised as the Mona Lisa.

Dig that.

Watch it, big tuna.

I'm trying to work here.

Keep it cool, baby.

Birthdays should be chill.

And rounding out the crew...

Surprise!

Is Mr. Piranha.

He's a loose cannon with a short fuse,

willing to scrap with anyone or anything.

He's brave.

He's fearless.

Uh, who am I kidding? He's crazy.

Santo cielo, that's a lot of po-po.

Uh, Piranha, did we forget something?

- What? - The present.

- You know. - Oh, um...

Of-of course I didn't forget.

You know you fart when you lie, right?

What? No, I fart when I'm nervous.

Yeah. Nervous about lying.

I'm sorry.

Piranha!

Don't breathe it in.

I breathed it in!

Yeah, they're a bit eccentric,

but when you're born us, you don't exactly win

many popularity contests.

- Shark! - Shark!

Do I wish people didn't see us as monsters?

Eight legs, eight times the cardio.

Monster!

- Sure, I do. - What's up, papa?

But these are the cards we've been dealt,

so we might as well play 'em.

Jackpot!

Yes!

Um...

- What the thorax? - Are you crazy?

What? I just wanted a longer car chase.

It's the best part.

Chief! It's...

Them.

Webs, hit it.

Get them!

I'm gonna put you guys away for so long,

your fleas will have fleas.

Chief. You want some cake?

You seem a little hangry.

Get that thing out of my face before I...

- Excuse me, Chief. - What?

You're mine.

Hermano.

Yeah, we may be bad,

but we're so good at it.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Keep running, Wolf!

One of these days, your luck is gonna run out!

All right, Piranha, you're up.

- Seriously? - Snake, come on.

At least make a toast.

- Toast! Come on! - Come on.

- Okay, okay. All right. A toast. - Whoo!

Fine.

I've made a lot of enemies in my time... I mean, a lot...

but out of all the people in the world,

I hate you guys the least.

- Aw. - That was actually kind of beautiful.

You're a poet, man.

To Mr. Snake and his strange dislike of birthdays.

Yay!

Everyone say, "Robbery."

Robbery.

Oh.

Look at those dimples.

- Happy birthday, buddy. - Okay.

- Now, dig in, fellas. - Yes!

Piranha!

Don't do that.

That was so gross.

That was my lunch!

You snooze, you lose.

You like that.

Nice.