Look At Me: XXXTENTACION

Okay, guys, so here is my first vlog.

Today, I am basically going to tell you guys about myself

because I've never really let you in much,

and I feel like that's the best thing to do right now

to ideally strengthen the bond.

So, here's my room.

Uh, here's Stitch.

This is my favorite Disney character, ever.

He's very relatable.

So...

today I am basically going

to be telling you guys about myself.

Uh, currently, I'm in a huge state of paranoia,

um, just due to m-my past

and just the things and the people

I've associated myself with previously.

I've tried to put myself in a position

to ideally be able to motivate others to--

I mean, for myself to suffice,

when it comes to this negative shit

'cause, like, bro, this shit--

It's, like, trying to consume me. It's almost like it's...

like it's trying to get inside of my mind, you know?

I apologize for being so distant.

I've been paranoid. I've been needing help,

and I haven't been getting the ideal help,

uh, I really want.

Los Angeles, make some motherfuckin' noise!

jump off that shit so bad, bro.

I know.

...but trust me, they like that here.

Come on, man.

He was moving like he was on a mission.

I remember being at these shows

and watching how much he controlled the stage.

Watched how commanding his voice, actions were.

Like, he was a natural leader.

I'm gon' count down to three.

When I say, y'all motherfuckers jump.

One. Two. Three.

I always felt like people use the term rapper

to describe him mostly because he was Black.

But he never-- He was not a real rapper.

He could rap, but I don't think that means you're a rapper.

He was doing so many different things

with rock and R&B and hip-hop.

And I'm like, "Yo, how did the kid that made that made this?"

He figured out a way to create X.

And he found ways to get attention to himself,

and even though it was negative things, it worked.

For him to do all the things

that he's done in two years,

it was incredible.

You know, that's the main reason why we're all so hurt.

Everybody was so excited to see this next step

in the transformation that we never got to see.

The rapper XXXTentacion

has been shot, apparently--

XXXTentacion,

a rising star here in South Florida--

Police say the artist,

whose real name is Jahseh Onfroy,

was leaving a Broward County motorcycle shop yesterday

when he was shot by two men who ran up to his car.

He was rushed to the hospital...

The deep connection that his fans have with his music,

that's a fact, that's a real thing.

His music obviously means so much to so many.

X's music saved my life.

- For three years, he's helped-- This dude helped me get through

depression and a bunch of stuff, man.

Long live X! Long live X!

Long live X!

But the thing about his fame

and commercial success,

it started with this horrific alleged crime.

Fifteen-year-olds will in some ways idolize him,

and he was an incredible talent.

He should not be anyone's idol.

Show some respect and leave it alone.

You know, not make a mockery of the man's life and death.

The internet is a place for this big conversation.

He was the topic of the conversation

any time he did anything.

- You know, there's been a lot of fucking pressure

in the media and shit

to, to not fuck with this dude.

And I also just want to say, fuck anybody

who has disrespected him after his death...

Fuck you!

I do think he was changing.

It's just that he left behind the things

that hurt others and himself.

We just knew violence sells,

and it's the, it's a type of energy

that we were tapping into to sell shit.

You know what I mean? And that's basically what we used it as.

Y'all niggas, now that I'm successful,

suck my dick!

Fire.

You ready? Yeah.

You got me nice lighting,

so I can look pretty.

Oh.

Yeah, but actually...

- In my situation, they definitely should pay attention

to what I am as a person rather than a character.

But it is hard to mend these two things together

if everything that I portray as an artist

is purely art.

So, it's hard to tell if, as a person,

that anything that is controversial

or spoken on about me is remotely even true.

You never know who you're fucking with

unless you fully delve into them as a person.

So, I definitely think it is very, very important

to understand who are-- you are fucking with

and who you're listening to.

Yes, I do.

- I decided to make this documentary because I felt like

my son's story needed to be told.

I was in labor for 24 hours.

He came out super light-skinned,

gray eyes, and I was like,

"Oh my god, where did you come from?"

And he was my little Tweety Bird.

He was small and cute and yellow.

He was just a calm, beautiful baby.

Very serious kid.

It was as if he was an old soul.

Jahseh's dad would come sometimes,

pick him up on the weekends, we would share him

during holidays or summers and whatnot.

He just didn't help us financially.

I was 17 when I had him.

In my case, I didn't have any support,

so it's just me paying rent, paying all the bills,

and having to work.

And so, Jahseh was always

with a babysitter or at daycare.

I would make sure that he had the best of everything,

for sure.

I would say he was extremely spoiled.

But I think he always felt alone.

His father loved him, and he was present

until he couldn't be.

He got arrested after Jahseh turned 10,

and he got 10 years in prison.

He hasn't physically saw him in person,

um, since then.

When I was growing up, my mom tried to give me love

by financially taking care of me

because she's seen that as the most important thing.

As long as I ate, and as long as I had clothes,

and as long as I had a place to stay,

that was the most important thing to her.

She was never able to emotionally nurture me.

So, that left some sort of self-hate for myself

because I felt like I wasn't enough,

you know, for a certain amount of time.

- There was, like, a shift in his behavior,

shift in his personality.

At the age of 10, he just started wildin' out.

He would, like, act up in school.

You know, class disruption, fights a lot.

I stayed on him 24/7, and we would bump heads

and we did not get along.

When he was 13, we got him evaluated,

and they told me that he was bipolar.

They wanted me to put him on medication, and I refused

because where I'm from, we don't label kids,

and I don't really believe in, you know,

dosing kids up with drugs or anything like that.