The Simpsons

D'oh.

Narrator: How will the springfielder of the future get around town?

Will he be like bus-stop bill, caught out in the rain?

Or will he be like subway sam,

Packed like a tuna on the springfield metro line?

Here he can rub shoulders with fellow businessmen

And share their deadly germs.

These two men might as well be kissing.

Is there no way to get to work in comfort, safety and style?

Well, it looks like

Motorcar Mel's got the answer.

He's cruising at 130 miles an hour

in a plutonium-powered auto

on the spacious skyway of tomorrow.

And it's got plenty of room for all of Mrs. Mel's shopping.

All that's left is to pick Junior up from school.

Looks like that robot arm needs a little adjustment.

Well, that concludes...

I don't really know what that was.

Now please take out your homework.

Homework? What homework?

We had to build a Hopi Indian pueblo.

Mine features indigenous Hopi songs.

* And a hie na ho na hey. *

What's this?

A promoter has arrived

to entice the tribe to perform in a Wild West show.

Unfortunately,

the chief doesn't read the contract very carefully.

The good news is, over a hundred years later,

a brilliant little boy receives an "A"

for his amazing presentation.

Ah...

Bravo, Martin. Bravo.

Well, let's see what the rest of you dullards have to offer.

Uh-oh.

Oh.

Damn it.

Okay, don't panic.

I can build one of those things from the crap in my desk.

Bart Simpson, you've had three months to do this project.

You started 30 seconds ago.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'm not complimenting you.

You've destroyed every ideal I've had about teaching

since I saw To Sir, With Love as a little girl.

Ha-ha. You're old.

I saw it on video in the '80s.

Outdated medium.

I stand by my ha-ha.

Bart, I'm sending your parents a letter.

"Irresponsible, unprepared, bad seed..."

Good guy.

"Bad guy."

Signed... stamped and sealed.

So, can I deliver that to the office for you?

Hah. I wasn't born yesterday.

Hah. Tell me about it.

Ugh.

Martin?

Outgoing mail slot. Now.

Got to stop that letter.

Oh, fire alarm.

Ooh, that means firemen.

Sixth-graders? No.

I'm sure it's a training bra.

PG-13.

I have an unwanted boner.

Yes.

Hoisting a bag.

Ay, there's no better feeling on earth.

Now what are you up to?

Whatever happened to "Hi"?

Hi. Now what are you up to?

A letter's coming from school, and I need to be home

to keep Mom and Dad from getting it.

Mom. I have a fever.

Ooh, 103.

No school today.

Then again, there's only one way to get a truly accurate reading.

Bart, pants.

Just close your eyes and think of Milhouse.

Yup. 103 on the dot.

You're staying home.

How did you...? I don't want to talk about it.

I got to get that letter before Mom and Dad do.

Stay focused.

Focused.

Focused.

Focused.

Oh.

Credit card offer, overdue bill,

credit card offer, overdue bill.

Huh? What's this?

What the...?

You're a month behind on homework?

I tried really hard to stop you from finding out.

Does that help?

A little!

These are Bart's

uncompleted homework assignments

for the last month: worksheets, problem sets,

book reports, math jumbles,

dioramas, topic sentences, conclusions,

bibliographies, synonyms, mean-the-sames,

define-a-likes, word twins

and one Thanksgiving hand-turkey.

One month?

That's a heavy workload for a fourth grader.

I say this boy needs more homework.

I don't have to do it with him, do I?

No.

Pile it on.

I want him to be Korean by the time he's done.

Hmm. Clean dishes.

I either have to unload them, or, uh...

Oh. Thanks for doing the dishes.

No problem. You can unload.

You know, I think Bart might have too much homework.

If they keep overwhelming him,

he might be turned off school forever.

Oh, my. A child who doesn't enjoy school?

Hello? Hollywood?

You want to buy the movie rights to this incredible story?

A million dollars?

Deal.

Oh, now I have to write it.

Digibot, Go-go-goman has the crystal life ball.

Wow, how does this show stay so fresh?

Hey.

You're supposed to be doing your homework.

No more TV for you.

(muttering)

Until your homework is done,

the only place your butt is safe

from my foot is in that chair.

: Oh.

It's okay, Bart.

Just do a couple vocabulary words,

then come have some milk and cookies.

But Dad said I had to finish my...

Never mind what he said.

You just listen to me.

Hey, Lis, Mom and Dad just told me two different things.

How is that possible?

Well, sometimes people who agree on most things

have one issue that they disagree strongly about.

In politics, it's called a wedge issue,

like illegal immigration or gay marriage.

Wait a minute.

Can I play them against each other

so I don't have to do any homework at all?

You would mess up Mom and Dad's marriage

just to get out of doing some homework?

Hey, hey, I would end all life on this planet

just to get out of doing fractions.

Fractions aren't that hard.

You just have to find a common denominator.

For example, one half plus one third equals...

End... all... life... on... this... planet!

You'll need to know fractions to make that explosion!

I don't care.

Oh, so much homework.

Childhood slipping away.

Bart, put down those books and go play this instant.

If you say so.

Right on time.

Grape soda-- shaken, not stirred.

Let's roll.

Dear Lord, please give my stubborn husband

the wisdom to see that I am right as usual.

Too late, Marge.

I already used a prayer block on your prayer.

There's no such thing as prayer blocks.

Yeah, right.

* Fight, fight, fight, the Itchy and Scratchy Show. *

("Teardrop" by Massive Attack plays)

Teardrop" by Massive Attack plays)