Rooster

Okay, the minute a scene doesn't feel real,

readers are gonna check out.

So, you have to do your research.

If any of you have read my book Blade of the Glades, you--

I've never read any of your books.

Thank you for interrupting to let me know that.

The story involves Rooster

chasing a one-legged assassin through the swamp on a fan boat.

In order to write that scene, I went to the Everglades

and I learned how to pilot a fan boat.

How did you research what it's like to be disabled for Victor, the assassin?

I kind of winged that part of it.

In my defense, Victor loses his leg to an alligator,

and then on the very next page, Rooster blows up Victor's boat.

So, he really only lives the life of a one-legged assassin

for 90 seconds, tops.

Okay, your first drafts are due

before Thanksgiving break, so please get 'em in.

Tommy, I'm really sorry about the other night.

And if you wanna talk about it--

Not ever.

Yeah, me neither.

But I still would like to help you get your grades up.

Look, I have a rule. If I see a dude over 50's penis,

I need at least a week before we hang out.

Why would you have had to make that a rule?

You know, I only wore these so you wouldn't see me

scrunch my eyes every time I look at you.

'Cause all I can see is a snake slithering between two Gatorade trees.

That is actually a beautifully crafted sentence.

-Really? You fucked my mom. -Oh, nice.

-No. No thanks, Eva. -Okay.

He is still pretty upset about the whole thing.

Yeah, he's big, but he's a sensitive boy. Hmm.

It doesn't help that his father left me for his high school math teacher.

Tommy's had to deal with a lot of his favorite teachers

having sex with his parents.

-That can be really tricky. -Yeah.

I don't want to do this.

What's going on?

Just, I mean, you're leaving soon anyway.

I feel like we should end it.

Yeah, I understand. I...

Okay, good. So...

-Say goodbye. -Okay.

-Okay, goodbye. -Bye.

Bye.

-One more time. -Okay.

-Mm. Mm. -Bye.

-Okay. -Alright.

-Right. -Okay.

I've enjoyed our time together, Greg Russo.

As have I, Cristle Butera.

Ah! Professor Russo.

A moment of your time?

I'm gonna meet you in there.

Will you get them ready to talk about Jasper Johns, please?

-How? -Just tell them

we're gonna talk about Jasper Johns in a minute.

See, that is why you're the teacher.

No.

Guys! Who's ready to hear about "Japlis" Johns?!

Except not right now, because we're not ready at all.

Gosh, she's quite the character.

Lily is amazing.

Oh, you should put a baby in her.

-Ha! -What do you want?

Actually...

Okay, so since you and I are no longer seeing each other

-carnally... -Ew.

...I really just wanted you to know that I'm hoping

that you still choose us.

I mean...

the prospect of you not being in my life is, frankly...

Well, it's unbearable.

-Thoughts? -Suck my dick.

It's not a "no." I can work with that.

I'm gonna come back here every single morning

-till you make a decision. -Mm-hmm.

And you take your time. A hundred days, 1,000 days.

Doesn't matter to me. I'll be here. I'll walk 500 miles. I'll walk 500 mo--

Don't do that.

Oh, and I brought you your favorite croissant.

-Did you get the jam I like? -Bien sûr!

I have to dash, but I'll see you here tomorrow.

Okay.

And you know the worst part?

I didn't even want the Dean of Faculty gig in the first place.

And now, I miss it.

I miss being heard, you know?

What are you babbling about over there?

I'm sorry. I thought that would make you laugh.

Look, I think you should stop seeing this Dean thing

as something that you lost and start seeing it as a gift,

that you actually know what you want.

Pretty shitty gift.

Greg, why is there a lock on our special door?

Well, Walt, there's a lock on your door.

-I'm the president, Greg. -He has a point.

-Oh, is Dylan here? -What?

I couldn't see you before. Hello.

-Hey. Okay, let me... -I'd like to get in.

-As soon as possible. -Okay, Walt.

-Hey! I have to unlock this. -Greg?

Okay? I need to close the door.

-Walt, let me do it! -Well, get some

-espresso on it. -Step back.

Here we go.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

-Uh-huh. -What's up?

Cristle has gotten our hockey coach into the same rehab facility

that her ex-husband used to frequent.

While he's away, I'd like you to fill in as our head hockey coach.

Well, yeah, I'd love that.

Oh, terrific, perhaps you could come by the hothouse later on

and we could discuss details.

Well, maybe not today. Maybe some other--

-Okay, then. Dylan? -Huh?

Would you go on a coffee walk with me in a few?

-Love to. -See that?

That's how you say yes to somebody.

Huh! Easy peasy.

Are you trying to poke the bear?

He barged in last week,

and I was sitting there looking at my belly button,

and I couldn't explain why.

How about now?

Well, it's just something I do.

Okay.

-I can hear that, Greg. -Okay.

Walt, please stop anonymously submitting sonnets to The Review.

They're all about Ireland and Teddy Roosevelt, I know it's you.

I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I do have exciting news.

Professor Enright is going to retire

-at the end of the semester. -Mm.

He wants to really focus on hating his wife and his family.

So, I...

I'd like to make you the Head of the English Department.

-Wow. -I know.

I'm grateful.

But I want Dean of Faculty.

-Huh. -I know you and Riggs

are old buddies, but he is problematic on a good day.

I'm a better fit for the school.

Greg made me realize that I owe it to myself

-to say that to you. -Well...

Greg strikes again.

Outstanding.

So, last week, I was in class.

-And I was-- -Coming in hot.

-Oh, shit. -Oh!

-Fuck yes, bacon! -That's my shit, bitch.

-Come on. -Mm!

You're gonna love Sunny's dad. My favorite thing about him personally

-is how much he's gonna hate you. -Ha, ha!

Well, you never know, Mo. I might charm him.

What are you high on?

Hi, sorry we're late.

Dad wanted to drive around and look at the leaves dying.

They're so red!

Now, back in Appleton, you get the one big rain.

Boom! It's stick season.

Oh, Mo! How's it hanging?

Better now that you're here, Freddy!

-You're looking good. -Ah, you know.

It is an honor to finally meet you, sir.

-Get in here. -Oh.

You're bringing a baby into my life. God bless you.

Alright, alright! This is not what I paid to see.

Oh, boy.

How you doing?

I thought you'd fight for me.

What would you have done if I had?

I'd turn you down.

Do you want me to go?

Yeah.

-Okay. -Thanks.

Cristle, I don't see my daily schedule.

Is there a chance that'll show up eventually?

No.

Fair enough.

Oh, oh!

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

-Oh, my croissant. Thank you. -There you go.

There's some jam on the inside.

And I got you a cortado.

Oh.

Full disclosure, this was for me, but they--

They didn't quite get the foam right.

You know, this is really the kinda thing

you should have done when we were together.

But now I am. This is how this works.

I bring you a delicious breakfast treat,

I ask you if you've decided to be with me or not,

you say you haven't quite made your decision yet,

but still kind of flirty,

'cause you give me this cute little smile.

Ooh, buffering. It's buffering. There it is. Okay.

Beautiful, it's like classical music.

You should go.