Innocents in Paris

A WEEKEND IN PARIS

LONDON AIRPORT

- Paris, miss? - Yes.

- Have you lost something? - Yes, my ticket.

There it is.

Thank you. I was already afraid.

Are you going abroad for the first time?

How can you guess like that? I have been saving for ages.

If you stay here as long as I do you will know.

I wish my mother had taught me to play the flute.

- Put it down, fool. - Yes, sergeant.

My foot!

Sorry sergeant, orders are orders.

- Are you traveling, sir? - What do you think I am here for?

Here I will find out what danger there is, you go back to the city.

I was just about to go with you.

I will take you sometime to show you the real Paris, my boy.

In there.

A little smile please, Mr. Norman. Just a little smile.

- I cannot keep this up all day. - Why don't you flash?

Thank you, Mr. Norman.

What are you in Paris for, Mr. Norman?

For an important economic conference.

The prime minister sent you, Mr. Norman.

Is the conference going so badly?

- I do not want to say, badly. - Are the Russians causing trouble, sir?

- I do not want to say, trouble... - What do you want to say then?

I say that the conference is not going well...

and the Russians are not easy, that is all.

- Are you staying long. - Only a weekend.

- Good. Please. - Thank you very much.

- British, sir? - I am proud of it.

There has been a Stilton in Shropshire since Normandy.

How much do you have with you?

My bank balance is sacred to me. I do not show it off.

No, I mean how much do you have with you?

How much am I allowed to have?

- 5 pounds sir. - Then 5 pounds.

How ridiculous is this?

Head up, chin forward, shoulders back. You play tomorrow in Paris!

- I will teach you, musician Bird. - He must not blind me.

How much do you have with you sir?

4 pounds, 11 shillings and 7.5 pennies, which is the maximum...

amount allowed by law, article 2585 of 1952.

- You have studied it well. - What do you mean "studied"...

I introduced it.

Excuse me Mr. Norman, I did not recognize you.

Everything is in order sir.

One moment please I will read it to you:

in the same law article, section...

4, paragraph 2, I am obliged to show my personal belongings.

You will find 1 pair of silver hairbrushes in the suitcase would you perhaps like to see them?

No, sir.

- And... these, onyx and white gold. - Very beautiful sir.

I hope to reveal everything to you... upon my return. Good day.

- Have a pleasant day. - Yes, the same to you.

Do you wish anything, sir?

Oh no, it is just... Well,

I also work in shop windows and I like to see others at

work. I should not do that, because I am on vacation.

Oh no.

A cup of tea, please.

- Are you going to the gay district of Paris? - Yes.

- Have you flown much? - No.

I have. Nowadays of course it is very safe.

- Did you read yesterday about the crash? - No.

The plane crashed on the top of a mountain.

If people do not watch where they are going...

I had a bad experience. We were in the air...

BEA, the British

aircraft is ready for the flight to Paris...

That is for us.

The captain asks you to show your boarding pass number 10.

You know, in the back is the safest place.

Stilton.

MacGregor.

As soon as we are in the air, a double scotch.

Yes, sir.

There must be one more coming.

Wait, wait please, I am coming.

Oh dear heavens, I could not come faster.

My cat. Be careful with it, it is valuable.

Here we are at last. I was almost about to throw away the milk for my cat.

Passengers, please fasten your seat belts.

- Your seat belt, madam? - I do not have one.

Oh yes And the other part?

How fantastic.

Holy God.

I am trapped.

We are taking off, that is the worst.

Would you like anything more madam? Non, merci. No thank you, enough.

I must refine my French.

I have never been to Paris

but I have been practicing my conversation phrases for three months.

So I think I do not need to worry. And you? Thank you.

- Would you like more champagne? - Absolutely.

What is the matter?

- Are you not hungry? - No, I left my stomach downstairs.

The annoying thing in Paris is that it is sometimes very expensive there.

I think so too.

You will see, because I know Paris well.

There is always a way.

Friends of mine in the Britannia Bar always stumbled over the bill.

Perhaps I can tell you that I happen to be a government official.

In that case you can probably thank me better.

Good luck!

The British Airline announces the arrival of the "Silver wing" from London.

You must have currencies, if you have them, but...

what does that mean, ah, you do not understand it?

I do not understand it, I do not understand a word of what you...

say, you do not speak conversational French. What must be done now?

But what is she saying now?

- Do you have money with you? - Yes I do, English or French?

- Everything. - Okay.

Here I have it. Here, French francs!

5 pounds in French francs.

Thank you very much.

- So, madam, is it fine like this? - Thank you and goodbye.

Bye!

I have not seen anything yet!

- You do not yet have my passport. - The bus is gone.

As you see it has departed.

Your bus is gone miss, but in half an hour another one arrives.

Thank you.

Excuse me miss, perhaps I can give you a lift to Paris.

How do you know that I speak English?

Your dress.

- Are you a clothing designer? - I... I am a Frenchman.

Excuse me.

300 accidents per day, in Paris alone.

One can ask why, those maniacs drive on the wrong side of the road.

The first time in Paris is what always stays with you.

It is wonderful.

Yes, and it is always different, you know? Just like a woman.

- Do you know much about women? - No, I know much about Paris.

Ah, Bicker staff.

- Hello, captain, as usual? - Yes.

I am here for a quick one. I like to come to the Britannia.

It is the only place in Paris where you can drink good British beer.

You are very kind, sir.

- Thank you, Bicker staff, cheers. - Cheers.

- Something for the Grand Prix tomorrow? - I bet on Zizi.

Are you going to bet on Zizi?

Like 40 million Frenchmen, and they will be overwhelmed.

Wilkinson. What did the dog of old mother Hubbard do?

in 8 letters...it begins with a "W".

But that is magnificent.

C'est très... how do you say that...

- I cannot say it in French. - That is very kind of You.

Oh, you are English.

But it is not as good as that one there, you know.

- You have really surpassed her. - Do you really think so?

Truly.

Well, I do my best.

Have you been here long?

- Only 30 years. - Good God.

Good day, then you must have painted all of Paris.

No, in fact I paint little outside this room.

Oh yes?

And have you copied all these paintings?

No. Only this one here. There is something between me and the Mona Lisa.

You see, I painted her 338 times.

Truly?

And how many of these copies have you sold?

Nothing. But one day I will.

Magnificent.

- Down there is the Champs-Élysées. - Wonderful.

I would like to stay here always.

In the evening it is a bit chilly here.

There is the Avenue Marceau, an aunt of mine lives there.

- Look there is the Eiffel Tower. - Yes?

- I want to climb it. - There is a lift.

I prefer the stairs.

That is also more fun.

Looking at it costs nothing.

That is all I can do.

Yes.

Here is your pocket money and enjoy yourself. Let us have fun.

Here is 8.4 shillings for the gay district. If we

put it together we will have a nice evening together.

Yes.

One moment... one moment.

Come let us go.

Why do we not keep it quiet...

Yes?

- we sign it... - Yes?

back and have together the night of our lives.

Long live sport!

With the postwar economic conditions there may be reason...

to doubt that the production curve shows itself inversely...

proportional to the fluctuations of the product index...

and is directly proportional to the increase of the wage-price spiral.

No!

That is clear.

No.

That, as I already said, is clear.

No, no, no.

As obvious as the nose on the face of Mr Panitov.

Mr. Chairman, I propose to postpone the meeting.

The meeting is postponed.