Reno 911!

- Officer! - Sheriff's Department.

- Thank God you are here. - OK, what's going on?

- There's some kids in the pool. - Oh, OK.

Wait, hold on. Let me guess.

- The kids in the pool are black. - Yes, yes, they are black.

Shut up! Shut the fuck up!

Kids that are black in your pool are not bothering you, lady.

You don't call the Sheriff's Department for this.

I'm tired of you Backyard Betty's, Lookie Lois'...

calling us for this dumb shit!

What are they doing? What are they doing?

They are drowning.

- Yeah. - They're drow... No!

- To the right, to the right! - No!

Black babies!

No, no, no, black babies!

Good morning, gang.

- Morning. - Morning.

Uh... this meeting, like all of our meetings now,

brought to you by Soup Gorilla,

when you absolutely, positively want soup,

in a couple of days, ingredients right to your door,

uh, made with vegetables that...

Why do they make you say the whole speech?

You're welcome... You want these? You wanna try it?

'Cause once you get these, shit rolls uphill.

So, as everybody knows, the break-ins...

have been out of hand here in the building.

- Yeah. - The brass has insisted that we hire

a... private security guard for the door.

- Oh, come on! - That's...

- This is not my call. Not my call. - That's sad.

Do you wanna get him in? This is the guy

who's gonna be guarding us from now on.

You know it's the skateboard guys, right?

Well, the skateboard kids have been a real problem,

but then somebody... There's stuff missing every...

- Hey. - Hey. Uh, so, this is...

It's Jeffey, yeah?

Jeffey, yeah. Jeffey Rene Chism.

Hi, Jeffey. My name is Trudy.

I once had a hamster

that lived off of his own feces.

And then, actually, I was forgetting this, but now I'm remembering,

he ended up eating himself.

Jeffey, Wiegel starts bragging when new people come around.

- I do not! - When new people come around,

- she starts bragging... - No, I don't.

... and she'll tell you stories like, "I had a hamster."

Tell the truth. Tell the truth to Jeffey.

Being able to keep a pet alive is impressive. A lot of people can't.

She didn't, Jeffey, because she didn't.

- So, what's going on with the... - Hey, Jeffey... I did.

We got an alarm triggered at the bank.

- Hey, guys? - Yeah?

Did somebody say how many hostages are in there?

I think they said three.

What? You hurt your knee?

You should file for Workers' Comp.

As you go into the Xerox room,

to the left, there's a Worker's Comp form, if your knee really hurts.

Holy... What the...

- Hell yes! - What the fuck?

What was that?

- Hi. - Hey, how are you?

How are you doing? Hatzolah is here.

- Hey! How are you? - You need to get down!

There's a hostage situation There's a hostage in there.

- There's hostages! - I know. It's OK.

- OK. Oh, my God! That was scary. - What the hell!

- What... Hi. - Hey.

- How are you doing? Shalom, baby. - Are you the Amish?

Uh, we are Jewish volunteer service. Hatzolah.

- Oh, hi! - Shalom, baby.

No, I cannot shake hands with you. It is haram.

- Shit! - It's OK. These are my guys.

- Jesus! - Guys, it's OK, these...

- Guys, these are my guys. It's OK. - You are...

You guys are Hatzolah.

- God! - This is what we do, guys.

- Oh, OK. - We are Jewish volunteers.

We have ambulance, firemen...

So, we are like Jewish Batman.

Oh!

But for us, Batman is, like, pussy.

- You guys just do this? - This is what we do.

We save... How do you say... We save the world.

Oh, wow, wow.

When there are... where there are Jews.

Where there are no Jews, we don't give a shit.