The Exes

Hey, Haskell.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Finally meeting that English girl Charlotte tonight.

We've only talked online so far,

but it's been amazing.

- So you haven't seen her yet? - No.

Let me save you some time.

Yes, well, my friend, you see,

that's the difference between you and me.

To me, looks are not as important as a beautiful soul.

Especially when the soul is as smokin' hot as that.

What are you doing?

I'm filing it away for later tonight.

Okay, give me that.

Hey, shot of stoli.

Oh, make it two.

May Sheila Blatsky rot in hell.

- Damn straight! - Mmm.

Who's Sheila Blatsky?

The woman who jumped over me for senior partner.

I have worked harder, billed more hours,

and kissed more ass than anyone else at that firm.

But you land one whale of a client,

and all of a sudden it's

Hubner, Collins, Jones and Blatsky!

Oh.

- I hear ya. - Mm.

And now I feel ya.

Oh.

You know, I just signed

the hottest goalie in the league.

My boss called me in the office.

You know what he said to me?

"We're going out to celebrate Sheila's promotion,

so watch the fort"?

No.

He gives me thumbs up and says,

- "way to go, Phil!" - Oh.

I've signed more clients to that agency than anyone,

and all I get is a "way to go, Phil"?

So you know what I said to him.

What?

"Thank you, sir."

Whenever I bring up making partner,

all I get is, "now's not a good time."

"Oh, let's see what happens."

"Please get out of the men's room."

Well, I'm sick of waiting.

Now's the time we make our move.

- You really think so? - If not now, when?

I say tomorrow morning

we march into our bosses' office,

and we demand the partnerships we deserve.

And we don't take no for an answer.

Well, I'll do it if you do it.

Well, you're doing it, 'cause I'm doing it.

Well, then I'm with you, baby. Let's do it.

We go big or we go home!

Hell, yeah!

Hell, yeah.

- Uh-huh. - Oh, no, not...

Charlotte.

Hi, I'm Stuart.

Mm-hmm.

And if I may,

you are even prettier in person than in your photo.

What a lovely thing to say.

okay, Eden,

I'm going up to Mr. Collins' office,

and I'm coming back a senior partner.

That's right, 'cause you're a winner.

I'm a winner!

Holly Franklin, this is your time.

This is my time.

- You go, girl! - I'm going, baby!

Hey, Holly.

Oh, hey, Ted.

Yeah, I just wanted to say good-bye.

Good-bye? What's going on, Ted?

Well, I told Mr. Collins I thought I deserved a raise,

and he fired me.

Okay, okay, I'm going.

Yeah, maybe now's not the right time.

- What's the rush? - Yeah, I'll be in my office.

You go, girl.

Ooh.

How'd it go with the British bird?

Did you do a bit of snogging?

Give her the ol' steak and kidney pie?

Charlotte is an unbelievable woman.

There's just one... tiny problem.

- Her teeth are a little... - Crooked?

It's a nightmare!

It's like every one of her teeth

has five other teeth!

So I guess you gave her a bit of the ol' heave-ho.

- Hey, what? - No.

Come on, Haskell, I'm a better person than that.

It's what's on the inside that counts.

Who are you kidding?

You're a dentist.

Every time she smiles,

she mocks everything you stand for.

And it's eating you up inside.

Admit it.

- Admit it! - Okay, it's killing me!

But how can I tell her without her hating me?

You can't.

But the drunken stranger can.

The what?

It's a Lutz family tradition for delivering bad news.

It's how we told grandpa

that grandma wasn't really on vacation.

Allow me to explain.

You take the fair lady snaggletooth

to the bar.

I, the drunken stranger,

stumble by and insult her teeth.

She takes umbrage,

but the message has been delivered,

and the drunken stranger staggers into the night.

Uh, uh, uh,

and then I comfort her

by offering to fix her teeth.

- Jah-jah-jah... - Ah!

It's genius!

Genius! I'm gonna go call her and ask her out right now.

That should put a smile on her face.

Hey, Haskell.

Have you heard from Phil today?

No, why?

Oh, it's just last night at the bar

we made this silly pact

about going into our bosses' office

and demanding to be partners.

But I don't think he took it seriously.

And you crumbled like a day-old muffin, didn't you?

I was gonna do it, I swear.

But then I saw Ted doing the box walk.

And there's nothing more pathetic

than a guy doing the box walk.

You mean like that?

Here's a bit of the ol' ugly, I wouldn't mind giving a miss.

Hey, Phil.

What's new?

- I did it. - Yeah!

I went into my boss and demanded to be made partner

- just like we agreed. - Oh, I wouldn't say agreed.

I mean, we spit-balled it, we mulled it around.

Kicked it up a flagpole.

To tell you the truth, I almost backed down.

Oh.

But then I heard your voice in my head.

"If not now, when?

Go big or go home!"

And?

I went big.

And now I'm home.

So how'd it go with you?

Well...

You did do it, didn't you?

Well...

Oh, my God, you punked out on me!

Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!

I was gonna do it!

I was so pumped and ready!

But then this sad little man came in

with a sad little box.

Like this one?

No, yours is way cooler.

I just feel horrible. Is there anything I can do?

Yeah.

There is.

I went big.

Now you go home.

What? You're asking me to leave?

If not now, when?

Okay...

See you...

Hi.

Grant, right?

You're my 3:00?

You're a little ripe for the WNBA.

No, no, I'm not a basketball player.

Flat feet, couldn't jump,

and buzzers make me pee a little.

Hi, I'm Holly Franklin.

I'm a friend of Phil chase's.

Phil chase.

Good-looking, snappy dresser, carries a box these days?

That's the one.

Look, Phil feels just awful about what happened.

Is there any way you could chalk everything up

to a big misunderstanding and just give him his job back?

Uh.

I'm gonna have to give this some thought.

Nope, he's still fired.

Steve!

Ugh! I have to give her the yacht and the summer house?

This divorce is gonna drag me right down to middle class.