Manta Manta - Zwoter Teil

CONSTANTIN FILM PRESENTS

A CONSTANTIN FILM PRODUCTION

A BAREFOOT FILMS CO-PRODUCTION IN COOPERATION WITH OLGA FILM

MANTA MANTA PARTY TWO

- Klausi? - Bertie?

- Put the Calibra out, it's ready now. - Will do.

It'd be great to actually sell a car for a change.

- You know me. - That's why I'm saying it.

I'm crossing my fingers for you. You got this.

Yeah, I'll just tell them a story.

Stinks like a loser's ass.

Hey, Gramps, sweet ride, is that a women's bike?

Wait, is that Bertie Katzbach?

His ugly mugshot's hanging on the Wall of Legends at Paula's Pub.

- Thought they'd all croaked. - I didn't know that.

- That your photo's there? - That you can think.

What are you talking about?

The race is heating up

between irresistible hottie Rico Feucht

and lame old Bertie Katzbach.

- Neither is giving an inch. - You're nuts.

But what's this?

Katzbach takes the lead for Team Zombie.

But Rico keeps riding his ass, no matter how bad it stinks.

Whoops. Woah!

Unbelievable.

Katzbach loses control of his vehicle at the last second.

As Rico Feucht drives to victory,

welcomed by popping corks and hot babes.

See ya, loser.

- How's it shaking? - Whoa, Bertie Katzbach.

Morning, Mr. Nasser.

What an honor to have such a famous visitor.

Mr. Katzbach...

Welcome to the final part of the assessment of your fitness to drive.

Also known as the "ldiot Test".

Do you know why it's called that?

Well, everything's fine with me up here.

By the way, I was a fan of yours back in your DTM days.

Thanks. Yeah...

- It was a great time. - Didn't end so great.

And that's why it was the end.

- Separated? - From my wife and my license.

Which of them would you rather get back?

What are you, my couples' therapist?

I'm your final obstacle, so I'd advise you to cooperate.

- Okay. - So, two kids?

- Yes. - Your daughter lives with you.

- Your son lives with his mother. - That's correct.

- Why is he still in school? - Got held back. Eight times.

Just kidding.

He's finishing his degree at night school.

- Which you never managed. - I never needed one.

- Do you see him often? - Who?

Your son?

What does that have to do with my license?

Do you ever fall unconscious?

Only after my tenth brewski.

- "Brewski"? - A little beer.

That's not what you said.

You're trivializing alcohol, which is a drug.

Subconsciously, you don't view drugs as dangerous.

Trivializing bad things doesn't make them better.

"Heroinski"... "needleski"...

"shotski"...

"Bayern MiJn-ski".

Now answer these questions without thinking too long.

- What color is a forest? - Green.

- What color is a tree frog? - Green.

- What color are Robin Hood's tights? - Rainbow?

Kidding. Green! Write "green," Mr. Nasser.

- What color requires you to stop? - Green.

- Wrong. - I meant "red," sometimes yellow.

- Only the first answer counts. - What?

Obviously you don't stop for red!

- Wrong. - I meant, "do stop."

A glider crashes at the border. Who gets the engine?

- Sure this is still about my license? - Answer the question.

A glider doesn't have an engine.

This one was carrying a lawnmower engine.

- That has to be a joke. - No. It's "considering every option."

Like in traffic: Things come at you from any direction.

Moving on. A night watchman dies during the day.

- Does he get a pension? - Was he run over by the lawnmower?

His wife would get the pension.

- If she's still alive. - You sure?

- Can I use my 50:50 lifeline? - Mr. Katzbach.

If he doesn't have a wife, she won't get the pension, of course.

And he doesn't get it either,

since he's dead, after all.

- Is that your final answer? - Yes, Mr. Philbin.

The answer is...

Wrong. Okay.

Papa Boar, Mama Boar, and Baby Boar are out in a field.

- The baby is thirsty, who does it go to? - Into a bar.

To its mother, of course. Makes sense, right?

"Mama Boar" and "Baby Boar" don't exist, since boars are male.

The pig who took my license away was definitely female.

Last question: A tomato walks into a bar. How many drinks does it order?

- No matter what I say, it'll be wrong. - Just do your best.

40.

Tomatoes can't walk.

You know what? I've had enough of this.

Shove my license up your ass.

Trying to make a fool of me. I'm done with this shit.

Come on, Mr. Katzbach, loosen up. After all, this is the Idiot Test.

You can pick up your license next door.

Hello, Mr. Winkler. Those four years really flew by.

And now Katzbach is back. Do you...

That's... That's funny.

When I first came in, I thought you were Mr. Winkler.

Then you turn around, and at first I think you're a woman.

- And then... - I am a woman.

"Mr." Winkler...

hasn't existed for half a year now.

- Sorry to hear that. - Why are you sorry?

I mean... You look great.

Very feminine.

Those nails...

I'd better stop talking.

Mr. Winkler was a very unhappy

and angry man.

Because he was trapped in the wrong body. But then...

he mustered up his courage and became a woman.

- That's nice. - And that woman...

went on to meet the love of her life.

- A man. - A woman.

- What a bombshell. - Yes?

Yeah, suits you. Two bombshells.

You think so?

So you became a woman...

in order to become a lesbian?

I was always a lesbian.

- You're getting your license back today. - Yes?

But... Zero-point-zero BAC behind the wheel.

No speeding. Not even a little.

No infractions.

- Not anymore. - Not anymore.

- You've used up all of your lifelines. - I know, Ms. Winkler.

- Drive carefully. - No problem.

- Yes? - You're a very nice woman.

Get out of here before you turn me straight.

Then I'd better get out of here quick.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Where is my Jaguar?

This can't be happening.

What is this?

- A balloon? - A balloon.

Hey! Hey-

Why are you wearing my wife's dress?

Good question.

- What happened? - I was just about to ask you that.

Listen up! Who... stole... my... car?

How would I know? I'm just the pizza delivery guy.

He has some balls.

Nice place.

But...

I'll leave you a menu, okay? For the next party.

Alright, thanks for the wild party.

Have fun cleaning up.

Hey. my dress!

My dress.

Your son is driving me insane. This cannot go on.

Think of something!

Otherwise, I will!

Get that filthy animal out of here.

- My God. - Daniel!

Sick!

- The dude's crazy. - Insane.

He's a beast, dude.

Where did he learn to drive like that?

My God.

- Did you get the whole thing? - Amazing.

Daniel!

Fuck.

Daniel Katzbach... have you totally lost your mind?

Trashing our house and taking Gunnar's car?

- I can explain. - Be my guest.

- It's just... - Cat got your tongue?

Hi, Mrs. Katzbach, how are you?

How does it look, Tessa?

You promised me you'd stop pulling this shit.

And you promised me you wouldn't get back till tomorrow.

So let's chalk it up to poor planning.

"Poor planning"... "Poor planning"?

You're coming home immediately to clean up that mess!

- What's wrong now? - These boots are too tight.

Take the fucking things off and stop whining, you ditz.

- Klausi. - Axel, is that you?

- No, Michael Bublé. - Really?

Just as thick as ever. You've come a long way, Big Nose.

- Kudos. - Thanks. But it doesn't belong to me.

- It's Bertie's. - "Bertie's"...

That loser still around? Thought he'd be in the pits of hell.

No, he's making a pit stop, getting us breakfast. He'll be back now.

What about the rest of your crack team? Still hanging around?

No, they all made it to the big leagues. Cities like Essen, Bottrop, Wuppertal.

- I need a car for the Classics. - Right in front of you.

It hurts so fucking much.

Looks pretty bad. Let me have a look at those.