Trying

- Hello. - Hello.

Mum, um, listen, I...

I know we asked you to give us some space, and thank you so much for respecting that,

but, um, we don't have any proper food.

And I was just wondering if you'd be able to make us something?

- Yeah, of course we can. -

Maybe a shepherd's pie and a casserole? And maybe a trifle?

- Yeah, yeah, great. Is-Is-Is that okay? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Love you.

Okay. All right. Thank you. Love you. Bye.

Oh. Oh, that was quick.

Well, we were just passing.

- There's the shepherd's pie. - Oh, Mum.

I didn't know if they were vegan, so I did a vegan option.

- Right. Is it... - Just some potato, yeah.

Yay.

Oh, lovely.

Thank you so much. Honestly, this is plenty though.

- You don't need to do any more. - Okay.

I mean it, Mom. I know what you're like.

- And we brought you some books… - Oh.

…for the kids. I used to read them when I was little.

Aw.

- We crossed out all the racist bits. - Right.

Okay.

- Okay. - So, all okay?

How was your first night?

Yeah, great. But we don't know what's happening yet though, so...

I wanted to give you something special.

My mum's mum gave it to her, my mum gave it to me,

and now I want you to have it.

Aw.

It's a...

Oh, no.

I must have left it at the services.

Okay.

What's all this?

What... Well, I'm... I'm just... I'm childproofing it.

Oh, yeah? Okay.

So, any news?

Someone called Noah's gonna be ringing.

Apparently, it's been kicked up to him.

Okay. All right.

- Jase? - Yeah?

I really wanna keep him.

- Aw, Nikki. - I mean it. I've thought it all through.

- Oh, yeah? Have you? - Yeah.

All right. What's the plan?

Well, we keep him and it... Well, it just all works out.

- Right, okay. All bases covered then. - Maybe they'll just forget he's here.

- - What? It's the council.

Jase, when I was a kid, they left a fridge in a park

for four-and-a-half years before anyone collected it.

It ended up on the maps.

No one's forgetting about this fridge.

- Hi. - Bloody hell.

That's gonna take getting used to. It's like the flipping Shining.

- Hiya. - Hello.

- Do you, uh, wanna stick on the telly? - Do you watch the telly?

- Maybe we should make some breakfast. - Yeah.

- I'll unwrap the cooker. - Okay.

No, thank you very much. Okay, bye-bye.

Oh, that was quick.

Well, there wasn't a lot of discussion.

They're coming to get him.

- - Right.

But did you tell them that we wanna keep him?

- It doesn't work like that, apparently. - Did you argue with them?

- As much as I could. - No, but we're doing fine.

- It's only been one night. - It's better than they did.

They had him for one night, and they lost him.

- They wanna stay together. - I know.

What time are they coming?

Lunchtime.

I hope that you told them that in this house

we eat lunch at ten o'clock at night.

On Thursday.

I made a bed.

- What? Why? - Two kids, you need two beds.

Hang on, you made a bed before eight in the morning?

No, I made two.

But I looked at the first one, and I knew I had a better one in me.

How'd you even make a bed?

- I don't understand the question. -

- Well, do you want the bed or not? - Yeah.

I've got it.

- Don't put your back out. - No, it's already out.

- Got it? - Yeah.

Your mum will be around in a bit.

She's doing a fun run she couldn't cancel.

If you talk to her, I was limping quite badly. All right?

All right, mate. He's made us a bed. Look.

- It's eight in the morning. - Yeah. We've done all that.

It's the middle of the day.

Well, we don't need it. They're taking him back.

- Why? - Oh, well…

Oh, we don't... We don't have the experience, apparently.

Well, is there nothing you can do?

- Apparently not. - No. Hiya.

- What are we doing now? - Do you w...

- Do you wanna go and get dressed? - Okay.

- Then we can go out for the day. - Good girl.

Okay, well, what's the plan?

Well, we just have as nice a morning as we can. That's all we can do, isn't it?

How... Jase, how is that all we can do?

Because that's... that's reality, isn't it?

At the moment, we live in the gap

between the way things are and the way things should be,

so in the meantime,

all we can do is try and make that space as lovely as we can.

Well, someone really needs to look into closing that gap.

If we can only be his parents for one day, then let's make it count.

Let's... Let's prepare him, huh?

'Cause he's not leaving the house in a bloody Ramones T-shirt.

- - That's my favorite one.

Stop it.

It's all right.

Let's just try and give him the best morning we can.

Unbelievable.

Dad, you all right?

- - I'm not having it.

Dad?

What's the matter? You all right?

The bloody council. I've had it up to here.

They come for the twice-weekly rubbish collection, I say nothing.

Then they come for the free residents' parking. I say nothing.

But I draw the line when they come for him.

Well, there's nothing we can do, is there?

It's all layers now.

- Safeguarding, best practices, all that. - Oh, for God's sake.

This... This... This is the reason there's no overtaking in Formula 1 anymore.

Uh… hard to say, but okay.

Is anything any better

for all the best practicing and safeguarding?

Is anyone any happier? Is anyone any safer?

I don't know. I did use to play with the mercury from a thermometer

- when I was a kid. - Only as a treat. Not every day.

Look, don't do anything stupid.

This is the council. They know where you live.

Maybe they can tell the people

that are supposed to be coming for my bins.

Look.

You don't get to pick your parents, and you don't get to pick your kids.

But somehow, you've picked him, and he's picked you back.

If I'm gonna be his parent for one day,

then I don't wanna waste it arguing on the phone.

I wanna spend it being his dad.

I just gotta make the best of things.

I'm sick of making the best of things. I'm sick of giving in.

All right. Just don't do anything stupid.

Don't forget your limp.

- Other leg. - Yeah, all right.

Have you seen my holiday fedora, my love?

No.

And you should not have so many fedoras that you need prefixes.

- - The ideal number is zero fedoras.

Hi. It's me, Vic.

Vic Ross. Jason's dad.

Yeah, yeah. I know who you are, Vic. What's happened?

Are you busy? I need your help.

Oh, and I found this hidden in your hedge. I don't know why.

- Well, come in. - Thanks.

So, where are we going then?

Well, we need to get him a proper coat. And a wash bag.

- Oh... - I don't wanna go shopping, Nik.

Fine, you can stay in the food court while I go.

But honestly, this has got to stop. You're a grown man.

I mean I don't wanna go shopping now. I don't wanna waste this time.

Yeah.

Well, what should we do?

I don't know. What do you do if you wanna have fun really quickly?

It's just hard, isn't it, 'cause they can't drink.

That's it. That is the go-to, isn't it?

Okay. Right, right. Okay.

I'm just gonna say it

so it's out of my head and I can get past it.

Swim with dolphins.

I know it's wrong.

I don't have my swimming costume with me, and there are no dolphins in North London.

Both good points, arguably in the wrong order, but...

So, what's the closest thing to swimming with dolphins,

in North London, that we can do in an hour and a half?

What?

- - Okay, so…

Hang on, we haven't got much time, so let's prioritize.

We'll leave the giraffes 'cause we can just see them from outside.

- So, I'm thinking elephants and gorillas. - Yep. Australian wood duck.

- What? - I like to see the less popular ones.

They'll be so surprised to see us.

What's your favorite animals?

- Cat. - Dinosaur.

Okay. Well, that's an excellent use of a hundred quid. Come on.

- -

Oh.

All right, look, look.

- - Jase.

Oh, yeah.

- -

- Oh. Wow. - Check out the lion. Look. Careful.