Mr. Mayor

I'm Chet Danville, host of "Mayor Chat".

And the station told me I have to quote,

"Help us justify why you still have a show,"

so it's time for a hip new segment I call

"Chet on the Sidewalk."

Angelenos are thought to be kooks

who don't follow politics.

Let's put that to a test

with a new game my wife told me to call

"What's Your Mayor's Name?"

Sir, for a dollar, what's your mayor's name?

I don't really follow politics.

I have a very rich internal world.

You seem politically informed.

- For a dollar-- - "Yes" on Prop Four.

"No" on Five-B. "Maybe" on Prop a Million.

- The sun is a hoax! - Oh, dear me.

Sir, what is your mayor's name?

Oh, uh, I know this.

It's--it's, uh--

I don't know why I am panicking.

The Mayor of Los Angeles,

what is his name? - Yeah!

Well that's gonna be our whole day.

- What is it? It starts with an "N."

Neville. Kentelman? Dan Kentelman?

This is an emergency.

People don't even know who I am.

- So what? This isn't about you.

It's about the four million human beings

and six-hundred-million possums that live in Los Angeles.

- Public image is important, Arpi, and I should know--

Everyone, come quick!

He's gonna tell a story about the billboard industry!

Well I'm not now.

And it was gonna be a good one, too.

Look, I can't do my job if nobody knows who I am, right?

I mean, I could be on TV making an emergency announcement,

and everyone would just think

I'm the hot new doctor on "Chicago Med."

We need to get my face out there!

- That sounds like vanity talking.

No, Arpi, vanity sounds like,

"Hello and welcome to my castle of mirrors!

"With this amulet, I shall stay young forever!

Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

- Well, Mr. Mayor, my first thought

would be to use a social nudging program

to raise awareness. - Nudging, of course.

I'll listen while you explain that to Arpi.

It's social psychology.

The idea that small suggestions

can cause big changes in behavior.

For example, painting a fly on a urinal.

- Oh, I give those little guys the business.

That's exactly it, sir.

You think you're making a choice

when really you're being nudged to make less of a mess,

which, in turn, reduces cleaning costs.

It's the illusion of choice.

- Ugh, I can't tell if this is fascist gobbledygook

or corporate doublespeak. But, hey, why choose, right?

I'm just saying it works.

Look, I've actually been using nudging around the office.

Mikaela is the only one who uses the vanilla creamer,

so I just slapped a little sticker of Jim Carrey

on the shelf behind it and--

Smoking!

- James, let's nudge some people.

Neil Bremer!

Your name is Neil Bremer. Thank goodness!

Gosh, that camera, it messed me up, man.

- So, Jayden, what am I looking at here?

- This is where the bad chairs go!

Fire!

Fire!

Okay, I can explain. I'm a sleepwalker.

Ever since I went to a show at the Magic Castle

and I heckled a hypnotist--

- Jayden, that's not the part that we're wondering about.

- You can't sleep here, sir. This is a city office.

You're just lucky I was there to save your life.

- Of course, I'll go to Neverland with you!

Oh, hey, hey, hey!

Oh, Peter! Ugh!

Oh, that was you?

Oh, I think I-- - Kissed me?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Thank you, Officer Gutierrez.

We assure you this will not happen again.

Hi.

- Jayden, how many nights have you done this?

Um, like four weeks, I think.

Oh, my God!

- I thought you lived with your mom.

I did, okay?

But she raised the rent to $1,400 and 20 kisses a month.

And both prices are too steep, okay? I'm not made of kisses.

- So rent an apartment. - Or go on a reality show.

Everything is so expensive!

And "Big Brother" said my application was too sad.

- It's an LA tale as old as time.

- Don't sneak up on people like that.

Not sneaking. Just tiny.

And Jayden has joined the ranks of our city's working unhoused.

It's an all too common problem exacerbated by stagnant wages

and a housing shortage.

- Perhaps one of my friends will take me in.

- No, no, no. - Oh, hell no.

- We'll help you find an apartment.

- Okay, what are you looking for?

One bedroom, five baths,

walking distance to a Peruvian bakery.

I like a low ceiling

'cause I like to jump up and see if I can touch it.

Must allow large lizards, in case I get one.

Every room needs a floor drain. I spill. A lot.

- Okay, you're not making this any easier, buddy.

- Yeah, that's what my mom said.

- The problem, low public awareness of Mayor Bremer.

The goal, get his face out there.

The solution.

Huh. Would you look at that.

It's a trash can.

This is nudging.

You know, you put a target on a trash can,

it makes people use it. Belgium had a lot of success

with trash cans with Smurf faces on them.

Heady company, sir.

Arpi, care to give it a try?

- I've got peanut shells in my pocket.

Yeah, I can see people liking that.

It's great, James.

But I couldn't help but notice you have two more

of these things with the sheets on them.

As much as I love that, I probably

shouldn't make a decision without seeing the options.

- Couldn't agree more. - Okay.

Well, these are all the same.

Uh, no, actually,

the cans themselves are different greens.

We've got mint green, jade green, and jasper green.

We wanted to make sure we got your input on that

before we roll out the pilot program.

And this "pilot program,"

that would mean how many of these things?

- We'd start with a couple dozen

just in and around City Hall.

- That way we can all watch them at work!

Smart! Pick a color, sir.

Not that it matters really how they look, right?

This awareness campaign's for the good of the city,

not anyone's ego.

- I, uh, I really like the jasper.

- Oh, this one's jasper, sir. - I love it.

- Oh, my God. - Did you see it?

I got an apartment match!

- Okay, it went on the market two minutes ago,

and it's five minutes away. You have a chance

if you leave now and you run every light.

- I don't know, it doesn't have the floor drains.

- In this market, you won't find better. Go.

- I'm gonna do a Scooby Doo start

so I get there extra fast.

- So after that, you're attending

the LA River cleanup, where they'd love for you

to drink just a little cup of water.

What? No. Hey, easy! Easy!

- Oh, you took that like a champ, sir.

- It's not me. It's just a trash can.

Oh, hey, are you kidding me, pal?

That gets its own bucket?

- The important thing is that my face is getting out there.

See? Even future voters

like that little--oh, jeez! The smell just hit me.

- Oh, what are they feeding that baby?

- Get in, quick. Open the door.

- Ugh, someone else got the apartment?

No, it's still available.

- So you didn't like it? - No. It's perfect.

- Multiple skylights, one bedroom, four bathrooms.

Legend has it the original architect had dementia

so he just kept adding toilets. And I hope you don't mind,

but I keep a monitor lizard in the courtyard.

- I have never minded anything less!

- I'll take it. - Oh, wonderful!

What's your astrological sign?

What? Oh, um, Gemini.

Ah! Go!

You mustn't be here!

- The landlord will only rent to a Scorpio. And I'm a--

Obvious Pisces.

Ugh, better luck next time, Jayden.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

Not only is this discrimination,

it's dumb discrimination based on a pseudoscience.

So you agree, it's a science.

- Jayden, this landlord is illegally discriminating

against you based on astrological sign.

No, we are going back there.