Nurse Jackie

Let us go then, you and I

When the evening is spread out against the sky

Like a patient etherised upon a table

T.S. Eliot, 10th grade English, Sister Jane de Chanteau.

What a champ.

She told me that the people with the greatest capacity for good...

...are the ones with the greatest capacity for evil.

Smart fucking nun.

All right, I got one for you.

What do you call a nurse with a bad back?

Unemployed.

One left. That sucks.

Sixteen grains.

No more, no less.

Just a little bump to get me up and running.

Blue team, ambulance...

Blue team, ambulance...

No, no, St. Barts.

Four hours, door-to-door. Book it. Trust me, you won't regret it.

We good? All right, I gotta go.

Hey, champ.

Head struck, open tib-fib.

Pulse is weak and thready.

Does that hurt?

How about that?

Why don't you let me do that?

How you doing, Peter? You hanging in there?

- It's all good. - No pain?

- Nope. - Can you show me two fingers?

Peter? Two fingers?

Hey, doc, you should get an iPhone.

You think so?

Let's get Raj from Ortho down here.

Watch the light, hon.

Blood in the ear. Let's check for glucose.

Rule out CSF, all right? This guy needs a scan.

Hey, I know what I'm doing. Jesus, bossy.

- That leg's fucked up. - Ortho, seriously?

He's got a bleed, I'm telling you right now.

He's totally lucid, 100 percent. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

See? What'd I tell you?

Let's get some film on that leg.

We're gonna fix you up real good, chief.

Acute subdural hematoma.

The brain puffs up so fast it rips the blood vessels...

...and you bleed to death inside your skull.

Twenty-seven-year-old bike messenger.

Yeah, of course he's a donor. Of course I have the family's consent.

Jesus Christ, you people.

You have four minutes to get a transplant team to the place.

Yeah, three minutes and counting, okay?

Hang up the phone and drive.

Gosh, you should not have died, Peter Michael...

...Donovan.

It may have been a shame, but it will not be a waste.

That I promise.

- My son was an organ donor? - He was.

Fucking bleeding heart. Give it all away, Petey.

What the fuck with the language? Look at where you are.

- Jesus. - Blow me.

All right.

Where's the bike?

I'm sorry?

He's our brother.

He broke his leg and died and you wanna know where that bike is?

- He didn't die from the leg injury. - That bike was like 3 grand.

Yeah, I wanna know where it is.

- What, you want Beth to have it? - Fuck Beth.

Beth is the girlfriend.

Oh, I see.

We worked 9/11. And not a scratch on us.

Petey's job is to ride a bike.

And he gets killed.

Seriously, you don't know where the bike is?

Jackie.

Chocolate milk.

- Dr. Cooper. - Coop.

Call me Coop.

Dr. Cooper.

Nurse Jackie.

So, what's up? What can I do for you?

What you can do for me is this.

You can stay the fuck out of my way, that's what you can do for me.

- You need to use the sink? - No.

What I need is for you to know that I know you.

I have seen hundreds of you jerkoffs blow through these doors.

You graduated what, the top 10, top 5 percent of your class, right?

Test scores through the roof...

...but a total fucking retard when it comes to actual patients.

I know you.

I had to look that kid's mother in the eye...

...and tell her we did everything we could.

That was my patient.

I told you he was slipping, and he was.

If I tell you to order a scan, order a scan.

If you don't do it, I'll go to the next doctor.

And the next doctor after that.

In the meantime, that kid died.

And it is all on you.

Is this happening, not happening? I can't even tell.

Oh, shit. Oh, crap, I...

I'm so sorry.

Oh, God, I...

No. When I get nervous, I act out with inappropriate sexual touches.

It's like Tourette's. It's...

It's over, okay? It happened, it's over, so there's that.

Yeah. No.

I'm practically uninsurable. Seriously, Jackie.

It's completely involuntary. I am not attracted to you at all.

Wow, Coop. Charming as ever.

Jacks, Wicked Witch is looking for you.

Apparently, you dropped a house on her sister.

Don't be mad, lady.

Hi. Zoey.

First year nursing, Queens Community.

Hi again.

Fresh meat.

I took the last three. This one's yours.

Fuck off, Mohammed. No offense.

These hours, Jackie.

All Saints Hospital and its myriad subsidiaries do, in no way...

...endorse 80-hour weeks from its nursing staff.

Please, Mrs. Akalitis, please. I am with a student.

Let's go, whatever your name is.

After 12.5 hours...

...nurses are three times more likely to make mistakes.

Lies, Mrs. Akalitis, lies.

Two things.

Did you take Dr. Ekebwe's pen?

And can you do a double on Monday?

Yes and yes.

Good, you're quiet. I like them quiet.

Which I think is funny.

But I just want you to know I think it's great I'll be with you all day.

I can tell you're somebody who lives the job.

And that's totally me, totally.

- Okay, a quick question. - Sure.

Shut up.

Is that a question?

I don't like chatty, okay? I don't do chatty.

I like quiet.

Quiet and mean. Those are my people.

How's your friend here feel...

...about wheeling chemo meds up to the Chemo Ward?

I don't know. Why don't you ask her?

Oh, my God, I'd love to.

Hi.

Stop. Eddie, my back, my back, my back.

Oh, Jesus.

- Okay, babe, okay. - Yeah.

Okay.

- Let's get you up onto the cot. - Wait, wait, wait.

You all right?

- All right. - All right, all right.

Oh, shit.

- All right here? - Yep. Yeah.

Sorry.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Oh, shit.

What do you say we just lay here for a minute?

All right.

I got six minutes. Five minutes.

I'm gonna set my watch.

You better?

Yeah. Yeah, it is better.

Do you want a little something for your back?

No, I'm all right. That's sweet. I'm okay.

You know what? Maybe a little Oxy.

Blue team, trauma room. ETA two minutes.

Nineteen-year-old female.

Multiple stab wounds, arms, head and chest.

Eighty over 45, O2 sat 83.

- His suit, it looked so nice. - We got you inside, it's all right.

Caught some john cutting up hookers in a limo.

Dumped her in the Alphabets.

Why did he have to cut me so bad?

- They get him? - No.

Lookout for Vincent van Gogh in a Zegna fucking suit.

She got the blade away from him. Cut his whole ear off.

Good girl.

Put it on ice.

- Nice. - Puke away from the ear, Zoey.

This way. Follow me.

Fucking Manolo Blahnik.

Hurt like hell, but they make my legs look so good.

Can I see that?

What size do you wear?

Eight.

I thought I did too.

- I need to eat something. - Me too.

Dr. Cooper grabbed my tit today.

Did your tit make the first move?