Stuart Little 3: Call of the Wild

-Stuart, are you down there? -(GROANS)

-Yeah, Mom, I'm here. -Oh!

Thank goodness. You had me worried.

It's okay. He's down in the basement.

-Have you finished packing? -Yeah, Mom.

Did you remember clean underpants?

Yes.

-Well, we're leaving in... -Five minutes.

I'll be right there.

Yes!

Hey, Mr. Big Game Hunter...

You better take those batteries out before you cook him.

Hey, Snowbell. You all ready for our vacation?

You call spending the summer in a cabin in the woods a vacation?

I call it cruel and unusual punishment.

Oh, come on. Don't you hear the call of the wild?

Learning to live off the land, exploring the woods.

Sleeping in the dirt, no air conditioning, Lyme disease.

I hate to burst your bubble, Daniel Boob, but it's dangerous there.

The closest you've been to the woods

is the occasional whiff of pine air freshener.

You sound just like Mom and Dad.

But I have instinctive, natural abilities.

I mean, after all, I am somewhat like a mouse.

You're also somewhat like a mental case.

This summer is gonna be a real turning point.

I'm gonna prove to Mom and Dad

that I don't need them watching my every step.

I can take care of myself.

I don't need to be told what to do.

Stuart.

It's a long drive. Did you go potty?

Mom!

The whole neighborhood will hear you.

I'm sure Davy Crockett's mother

-asked him the very same question. -(MONTY LAUGHING)

-Monty. -Oh, man.

I didn't believe it.

Believe what?

Well, word in the alley is you are going camping.

Camping?

Now you're gonna have to rough it

just like the rest of us, Mr. Fancy Pants.

That's malicious slander.

Well, then where are you going?

Where? Well, to...

Where? Yes, we're going... Oh, we're going to a fancy resort.

It's the Hartz Mountain Resort and Spa.

Sounds nice.

It's paradise.

All-you-can-eat kibble buffet,

whisker waxing, pawdicure, tail grooming,

24-hour Animal Planet.

Wow!

Hey, can I come?

Can you co... Yeah, well...

-I don't know. -Oh, come on, can I come? Please?

Hey, it's not me, it's the Littles.

They don't exactly... Oh, what am I trying to say here?

They don't like you.

Well, I guess I know when I'm not wanted.

Actually, you don't. But you're learning.

And I'll think of you when I'm eating caviar for breakfast.

-And I'll think of you when I'm... Whoa! -(CRASHING)

Like taking sardines from a kitten.

Time to go, Snow.

Given a choice, I'd rather be at the vet.

Come on, come on. Yes!

Yes, yes, no, no.

We're on our way.

We should be at the lake in two hours, 34 minutes.

Well, I'm forgetting about time altogether.

I have nothing on my calendar all summer

but lazy days and carefree nights.

Hey, Mom, Dad?

I'm doing research about Lake Garland.

There's a group there called the Lake Scouts.

That's good, son.

I wanna join.

-That's not so good. -But it's totally cool.

They go rock climbing, boating, exploring.

My, that sounds... -Dangerous.

Oh, Mom, I'm not a baby. I can handle it.

Oh, I don't know, Stuart. Something could happen to you.

But I want something to happen to me.

Stuart, sweetie, I have to put my foot down and say...

Yes!

It might do him some good. I mean, I myself was a Lake Scout.

And a pretty darn good one, too.

But he's too small. Who will take care of him?

-Well, I will. -Yeah.

-You mean... -What if I were there?

Watching him every step of the way.

Wait. That's not quite what...

Every step? -Every step.

-And George can join, too. -No way.

I've got to get to level 38 by the end of the summer.

Now, George, it'll be a bonding experience for us Little men.

Just testing your reflexes, dear. And you passed.

Hmm.

You'll watch him every minute?

-Every minute. -Yippee!

-But there are rules. -(LAUGHING)

What kind of rules?

Never wander off by yourself. Never wander off with someone else.

No wandering, period.

Don't sit too close to the fire. You'll burn yourself.

Don't sit too far away from the fire. You'll catch a cold.

Insect repellent is a must.

Remember, mosquito's bite is bacteria's delight.

* I don't know why it has to be

* The sky is blue and the grass is green

* And I don't know why it's really true

* That one plus one always equals two

* I don't know so I have to guess

* There may be times when a no means yes

* And maybe, just maybe

* It doesn't really matter

* Hey, now look around

* Does anybody know what's going down?

* Hey, now it's okay

* The world keeps spinning anyway

* Hey, now why ask why?

* Low is low and high is high

* Hey, now just let go

* It's all right if you really don't know

* And I really don't know

* Yeah, and I really don't know *

-(CLANGING) -(SIGHS)

It's going to need some sprucing up.

I've seen cleaner litter boxes. (SCOFFS)

There goes my summer with nothing to do.

Well, it is called "roughing it."

A little too rough, if you ask me.

You're a pioneer now, Snowbell.

Get with the program.

I don't like this program.

Where's the remote?

Nothing like the great outdoors, huh?

The great outdoors should stay outdoors.

That's why they invented doors. To keep the outdoors out.

-Can't wait to become a Lake Scout, huh, George? -(GEORGE GROANS)

Stuart, what's the cheat code for infinite health?

A-B-B-X-Y.

Just in time. Thanks.

Come on, George, get your head out of the game.

Look around you. I mean, you want adventure?

You never know what you'll find out here in the woods.

Well, hello, Diggity!

What have we here?

I mean, wouldn't you rather... (GRUNTS)

Little help?

Wouldn't you rather feel the wind in your face

than just sit here punching buttons all day?

No, too many bugs.

What about all the stuff we could learn?

How to protect yourself against wild animals.

Or how to find your way home if you get lost in the woods.

You can't get lost in the woods

if you never go into the woods.

Boy, you've got an answer for everything.

-Yep. -Look at it this way.

Scouting will teach you how to stand on your own two feet.

-Gesundheit. -Gesundheit.

How to take care of yourself. How to be a man.

You know, Stuart, I'm just not into

this outdoorsy stuff like you are.

-(GASPS) -I mean, what will I get out of the Lake Scouts?

Hi. I'm Brooke.

-Hi. -Hello.

I'm Stuart, and this is my brother, George.

You guys gonna join the Lake Scouts?

I am, but I don't think George wants to.

He's trying to get to level 38 on Cyberdon Rex.

Good luck without the unlimited ammo code.

Unlimited?

X-X-Y-A-B-A-B-X.

Huh!

Whoa! Totally cool.

So when's that Lake Scout signup? Tomorrow?

-Is that a cat? -Nothing gets by this one.

Better be careful with him.

-Why's that? -The Beast.

The Beast?

Yeah, the Beast.

They say it can hear you from the other side of the forest.

And when it drinks from the lake, the water drops a foot.

They say it can smell a drop of blood five miles away.

So you better keep your animals inside

because I hear its favorite food is cats.

Huh?

See you around, Stuart. George.

Boy, she's a piece of work.

She sure is.

Does she really expect us to believe

some crazy story about a beast?

I'll tell you one thing, if there is a beast,

it wouldn't stand a chance if I ran into it.

I'd kick him. I'd tie it in a...

Let me know how that works out.