Baskets

Eddie: Hey, Baskets,

why don't you hustle in here for a quick minute?

Eddie.

I've been seeing you mope around lately,

dragging your sad sickness around behind you

like a turd on a string.

I don't care what happened to you...

Your girlfriend dumped you, whatever...

I'm gonna help you out.

So that's why I'm putting you up for Mr. Rodeo.

Mr. Rodeo?

Mr. Rodeo. Big competition down in the lone star state.

Gonna select the number 1 clown in the nation.

But you got to beef your act up.

Just letting bulls broadside you ain't gonna cut it.

Yeah, well, I'm not actually doing that on purpose.

Whatever.

You got to add some more of that crazy stuff

to your act. Can you unicycle?

No.

- No? - Mm-mm.

Can you rope an ass?

Uh... No.

I... I've... No, I've never done that.

Yeah. People love a good roped ass.

- Hmm. - A well-roped ass.

Yeah. My ex-wife sure did.

Oh. Wait.

What did you mean by roped ass in that instance?

Donkey.

Oh. Yeah.

Hey, you got some things to focus on

other than your pathetic, pitiful personal life.

- Right, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

Focus on Mr. Rodeo.

Thanks, Eddie.

Okay, write this down. Twirl around.

I can do that. That's easy.

Hey, guys, seven-layer brownies.

Mom, move.

Whoo! That's baggin'.

You had that once, Ringo.

Hey, little buddy. How you been?

Good.

Say, uh, those Mr. Rodeo scouts,

they're going to be in the audience tomorrow night.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

And that's some damn good shit you're doing out there.

- Oh, great. - Yeah.

You need to get some sleep. You got a big day tomorrow.

Okay. Thanks, Eddie.

I could use a cigarette.

God! You...

What are you doing here, Dale?

I'll buy a cigarette from you for a dime.

$1.50.

A dollar f...

- A dollar. - Fine.

What are you doing here, Dale?

Do not tell Nicole that I smoke.

She would be pissed. Pee-issed.

Yeah? I had a really good show tonight.

Oh, did you? That's nice.

Nobody gives a shit about your shit show

'cause the real shit show's getting ready to get to town.

You know why? Because the DJ twins are coming.

The young-uns, the adopted ones.

I thought they were in that year-long DJ festival.

Yeah, well, that drug-addled DJ hootenanny festival

is coming to Bakersfield.

And Mom wants to cook them a big meal

tomorrow night. You know what that means.

We're going to have to suffer through all their talking

about their world travels and all their trophies

and all their ribbons

and all their scratching and being a DJ

and all that bullshit that they do for a living.

And you have to be there.

We have to support each other.

Yeah, well, I... I can't go.

I have, uh, some rodeo scouts coming for me tomorrow night.

So I'm not going to dinner.

You have ruined our buttocks.

There you are!

The twins are coming for dinner.

I made their favorite hamburger pizza,

and I'm going to need some help from you.

Can we do it another night? I'm really busy.

Too busy to see your brothers

who you haven't seen for five months?

Dale and his family are coming.

Yeah.

I don't ask you to do anything.

I give you free room and board.

I give you free Costco membership.

I give you free balloon school.

I'm not going tonight, okay? I'm too busy.

It's a big night at the rodeo. I need to practice.

Rodeo, rodeo, rodeo.

Mom, I need this, okay?

The rodeo's the only thing I've got right now.

What about your family?

Penelope went back to France. She left me.

I'm sorry.

She doesn't understand a sensitive boy like you,

but I do.

I just wanted to start a family, but...

She didn't want any part of me.

You know, she might not love you,

but you got a lot of people here who do:

Cody, you got Logan, Dale, and you got me.

And I'm not going to leave you.

You work on your bozo routine,

and I'll have Dale help me. How's that?

Okay.

Okay. Focus on the positives

because the twins are coming.

Okay, Mom.

Well, that toilet was clogged by a bunch of butt biscuits,

but I think I got it clean now, Mama.

Well, that's good. I got that.

I got balloons, ribbons, glasses, plates.

One more thing. We need a bigger table.

See if you can get something at rent-a-room.

You know, something in a Chestnut, Walnut, "Expresso,"

uh, what's the, uh, Black wood?

Black walnut.

That would be beautiful, black walnut.

I'm happy to help out, Mama,

but why isn't the circus twerp out here doing anything?

Well, he's practicing. You can see that.

Well, Mama, your "medulla omblongata" must be squeaky clean

because he has your brain so washed.

That's a part of the brain.

Look, I watch your girls at the drop of a hat.

And I don't know what your wife's telling them,

- but they don't like me. -

You can say what you want about my wife and I,

but at least I gave you grandchildren.

Thank you, Dale.

And don't forget to get something dark.

Oh, god.

What is this?

It's the table.

- Oh, god. - What?

This is not what I wanted.

You're going to like this one.

It's got drawers and everything.

I hate it.

We can take it back.

No, we don't have time. Get in here.

Shut the door. It's cricket season.

Bring it in. Bring it in.

Oh, god.

I mean, I like it. What time is it?

I got to go pick up Sarah from volleyball.

Go, go. I'll clean up your mess.

Chip doesn't do anything!

Do you have any varnish I could rent?

All right, that's it. You guys are done.

- Grab your balls. - Parents, remember,

we have the round-Robin coming up in Fresno.

We're 12-0, undefeated.

We need to keep that record going,

so we do need chaperones. Any volunteers?

Maybe I can do it. When is it, next Friday?

- It is. Yeah? - When is it again?

Uh, it's next Friday.

You're in?

Do the chaperones get trophies?

I'll tell you, it's really going to be fun.

Looks nice. Oh, it's 5:30.

Chip, get the China out of the garage.

I'm going to rinse my feet.

Anybody have any idea what time it is?

It's 6:00,

which is really like 5:30 in show business time.

Okay.

Uh, we're undefeated, and...

We're undefeated, right?

- Yeah, Dad. - And, uh, we're going up

to the state tournament in Fresno.

Very exciting stuff.

I'm, uh, one of the coaches

and also a... one of the key chaperones, I think.

Oh! We have a cricket.

Thank you, Dale, for leaving the door open.

Now we have a cricket.

What are you talking about?

You left the door open

when they were moving the table in.

Why doesn't Chip do anything around here?