Murderball

This programme contains very strong language.

MOTOR STARTS

I've been out in clubs, I've been out all over the place and people will come up to me, shake my hand

and say "It's good to see you out."

And I look at them like, "Good to see me out?"

"Am I supposed to be in a closet?"

What I can do that probably people don't think I can do is, I can cook and I can drive.

I may not be a great cook, might not be a great driver, but I can do both.

People say the dumbest things. I'll be loading groceries into my car, "Do you need help in your car?"

It's like, I wouldn't come to the store if I couldn't get back in my car.

I've gone up to people, talking shit and they go, "Oh..."

I go "What, you're not going to hit a kid in a chair? Fucking hit me, I'll hit you back."

Quadriplegic rugby was developed in Canada and the original name was murderball.

What we do is take these wheelchairs and make 'em into a gladiator, a battling machine,

a Mad Max chair that can knock the living daylights out of each other.

Most people that play wheelchair rugby have broken their necks.

So we have rods, plates, screws inside.

The biggest misconception is that quadriplegics can't move their arms.

I'm like "No, I have impairment in all four limbs."

The higher you break your neck, the less mobility you have.

So we're given point values ranging from half a point

to three and a half points, based on what you can move.

You can't exceed eight points on the court at one time.

I'm a two, because I have some hand function and full arm function.

My hands don't close, they only open, so, like spatulas for pancakes, for flipping' people off.

When I was 16, I was in a car accident, car hit a tree

and made the car flip and the roof came down on my head.

And I became an incomplete C6 quadriplegic.

I was out on the back porch and he picked a fight with me

and he picked me up and threw me off the deck and he punched me and it snapped my spinal cord.

I've got a few muscles left, but for the most part, my trunk's paralysed to about right here.

I've got a bicep, my triceps are paralysed, I've got little finger function.

Hold on, let me move 'em. Did you see? I moved 'em.

One thing we do to help grip the ball is we add some kind of glue

so it's sticky and you can pick the ball up and throw it.

I'm a three and my grip is affected.

I can't close that.

Plus I'm missing a muscle in my left shoulder.

My accident happened in Florida when I was 18.

My buddy spun out, threw me into a canal. I spent 13½ hours in the canal

holding on to a branch until somebody found me.

He has always been what I call a tough kid.

I know very few people that would ever fuck with Mark.

Just to see him out on the court with the tattoos up his arm and the goatee, he's intimidating.

He's one of these players people try to stay away from.

Jason...

Where you want to go, down or up?

I have backup. Where?

Where? Where? Where?

Where do you want to go? Shut up.

You want us to call security?

My hypothesis on Mark was, he was very much an asshole before he was in the wheelchair, so any attempt

to try and point to the wheelchair or the accident as the cause of his grumpiness would be an utter hoax.

We just arrived today from Stockholm and we just saw a lot of people

in wheelchairs and of course wondered what they're doing.

THEY PERFORM THE HAKA

One, two, three!

USA!

Rugby! Yeah!

The United States has dominated the sport of wheelchair rugby for the last ten years.

I'll be the first one to say, look, I just want to beat the bloody Americans, more than any team.

We find the United States pretty arrogant,

they've been winning this game for a long time. That's what we came to fucking do.

There's been, I believe, 11 international competitions.

The US has won all of 'em.

Round 'em up!

Um... yeah, I can, but Kevin came over here during one of our games

and we weren't, so you want to kick us out the same way.

Fuck you, bitch.

"Joe Soares may be the best quad rugby player in the world."

"Childhood polio took Joe's ability to walk, but not his drive to excel."

My Uncle Joe, you go to his house and he has this wall of fame,

it's not just a small shelf, it's huge.

Joe's one of the most competitive men I've ever been around. It shows in his sports accomplishment.

Being around him is like being around Elway - just a great competitor.

In '96, Joe was the man.

That gold medal, he was a huge part of that.

Unfortunately, his speed went down, he became older,

so he got cut.

Joe got a little upset, a little angry he didn't make the team, tried to take us to court.

He pissed and moaned and cried over it and he lost all of his protest.

Just because things didn't work out for him, he jumped ship and left to go up north.

And now he's coach of Team Canada.

Canada!

Yeah!

He took the plays with him, took some of our calls with him

so he'd know when to attack and how to attack.

USA, learn a new way!

If Joe was on fire, I wouldn't piss on him.

Yeah, yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah, baby, yeah!

Yeah? Any time, big boy.

He thought I should respect him for just who he was.

Fuck you, I ain't gonna respect you for who you are.

You've got to gain respect.

I'll remove you from my face if you yell in it again.

If you think you're man enough, OK?

Go fuck eggs, boy.

This is ours for the taking, boys!

This is ours! So tonight, no drinking, go to bed early and get ready for USA in the finals.

You got that? All right, boys, great job, great job, great job!

Tomorrow, I don't want to see anyone talking to anyone except your team.

They're gonna be talking all kinds of trash, Joe's gonna say whatever the hell Joe says, I don't care.

The only reason Joe went to Canada is to beat the United States

and we're gonna kick the shit out of them. It's our time!

We wanted them, we got 'em!

This is it!

On the count of three, loud and proud!

Loud and proud, 1, 2, 3... Yeah!

USA! USA!

USA! The objective, basically, is to inbound the ball, we play on a regulation basketball court,

you go from one end to the other.

Stop the ball, stop the ball,

stop the ball! Two wheels have to cross over the line with possession of the ball

then you get one point.

The other guys stop you by slamming their chair in to you.

Help him! Dave, Dave, help him!

You have to dribble the ball or pass to a team-mate every ten seconds.

Other than that, it's basically kill the man with the ball.

Everybody get back. Everybody get back! Get the hell back!

Get over here! Get over here!

Everybody over here. Everybody stay here.

Cheap crap!

Motherfuckers.

Blow the whistle, please.

You've got Declan right there, he's behind you.

Pick it up! Pressure! Pressure!

Hit 'em! Hit 'em!

USA down!

Pick this man, that's your job. When you're back here, last man standing, stay with him.

Go, Dave, go, Dave, push, push!

USA, USA!

Yeah!

Fuck! We're gonna do this, guys!

It's gonna happen right now.

1, 2, 3... USA!

Ten seconds.

It was really an exciting thing. Congratulations. Thank you.

My pleasure. Great job.

# Oh, Canada

# We stand on guard for thee

# Oh, Canada,

# We stand on guard for thee. #

DISCO MUSIC BLARES

Kiss them medals.

Hey, buddy, skol!

We love you! You're the best coach!

Fuck.

Andy. Andy, do I need to buy you a beer or something?

Do I need to buy you a beer?

If we had lost, I would have been happy for your ass.

If you had paid your dues in the US, you would have been fucking head coach...

Paid my dues? I paid my dues for 12 years, buddy.

You know what, you've got many years to play afterwards. Guess what, bud?

That was my last shot, baby. How does it feel to betray your country, man?

58, 59...

There's a perception that everyone can play this game, but you start with 500 players

that play in the United States, we whittle down that group and get our best 12 players.

And the level of play that's gonna be in Athens is far higher than world championships was in 2002.

You gotta pull in the 12 guys that are gonna have your back in order to win a gold.

Five minutes. All players!

Let's do a game called sweat.

It's five cards up each time.

Your call, buddy.

Out. Out.

All right, I'm in. Bobby!

Flip 'em. What you got? Full house.

Explain why you think he's interesting.

We respect Joe, hopefully he respects us, that's it. I don't.

He tried to help us with some fundamentals, tried to help us with some clutch situations. Who cares?

Does that make him a shining star?

Does that mean you go and coach Canada?

Professionally, there's nothing wrong with it.

That's the second stupidest thing I've heard.

At this camp, I heard Sam say he doesn't like big tits and he'd dump a girl with big tits.

Don't lie. It's over. Don't lie.

They get in the way. I like athletic girls, that's what I said all along that night.

You'll never live that one down.

I'm OK with my sexuality, I can say I don't like big tits. You like shoes though. I do like shoes.

Everybody that gets hurt thinks they're gonna walk again.

Your mind becomes a bigger disability than physical stuff.

I had the idea that I would walk again

so I was just gonna hide and deny the whole thing until it went away.

I didn't go outside, I even got to the point where I got scared

to get the newspaper in the morning cos I thought people would look at me in the driveway.

And that kind of fed itself.

What's really hard is the first two years.

Quadriplegics, after they have broken their neck

and they've got very little function, they can't do anything for themselves.

They've got someone helping them, someone wiping their ass

and they work for three to four years trying to get independent.

It's a mind fuck in the beginning and then either you make it or you don't.

All his life, as soon as he was able to get on a tricycle, he's been on wheels.

Bicycles, dirt bikes, quads -

he loved wheels.

Now, one of the favourite things in the world to Keith hurt him.

You got it.

All right!

Now come back down.