Miracle Workers

I want to do more to help.

I will transfer you to the Department of Answered Prayers.

Impossibles go all the way to the top.

And so, if anyone can handle them, he can.

I decided to blow up Earth. I guess that's it.

If I answer one of these "Impossible" prayers,

you spare Earth.

It's a bet.

I really like this girl.

Okay, love prayers never work.

But related prayer.

I really like this guy.

Okay. This could work.

Rosie, if anyone comes looking for me,

tell them I'm in a meeting.

With God!

Religion... Stupid, dangerous, pointless.

Just everything up.

Hey, I got all your missed calls.

- What's the emergency? - Love you, Bill!

Have you heard of this guy Bill Maher?

The talk-show guy? Yeah.

Do you think he's funny?

'Cause I've been watching his stuff,

and I don't know about these jokes.

You mean the jokes about you? Oh, no.

- I don't care about that. - I mean

No, I just... I just don't... I don't think he's funny.

So, what do you want to do?

Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking about "doing" anything.

I'm just... But now that you bring it up,

what's that thing that where we can, uh...

you know... Kill him?

Whoa! Sanj!

Did you just drop the "K" bomb? Wow!

Wouldn't want to get on your bad side, Ice Man.

Ai-ai-uh-uh! Whoo! Uh!

Ooh! Freezer burn.

But, yeah, kill him.

Okay. Well, the good news is,

Bill Maher's already scheduled to die

along with everyone else, when the Earth explodes in 13 days.

You know what's funny, is that,

you know how sometimes, like, a day can feel so long?

Okay, I'll go find a way to kill him.

Ice Man.

I love you, buddy.

Okay.

Okay.

If we're gonna get these humans kissing,

we need to know more about them. Right.

First up, we have Laura. 24 years old.

Works at an escape room called "Solitary Confunment."

Listen up, ya jailbirds.

A couple of ground rules, see?

Don't touch the actors, see?

And if you're looking for some clues, just ask the...

warden.

End clip.

What about Sam? What's his deal?

So, Sam is also 24 years old.

He was born with extra teeth,

and he seems to really love his grandmother.

Yahtzee!

Oh, this might be harder than we thought.

Well, look, neither of them are particularly socially adept.

But I ran a compatibility check,

and they scored a 98%.

Whoa! They have so much in common.

They both pretend to text in elevators

in order to avoid potential small talk.

They were both accidentally omitted

from their high-school yearbook. Dang.

They laugh at the same insurance commercial,

they cry at the same car commercial,

and they sing along incorrectly to the same dumb commercial.

Ooh, they both love gye-ros with extra green onions.

I think it's pronounced "jai-ros" but yes,

and they both have matching pollen allergies.

No wonder they want to be together.

Unfortunately, they are both so shy

that they haven't actually communicated

since the night they met.

What are they waiting for?

A sign.

Cool. How does it work?

We send them subtle clues to gently influence their actions.

- Huh. - Yeah!

Now, on the night they met, they had

a fascinating conversation about the game of badminton.

Let's have a listen.

So, I hit the badminton thing with the badminton racket,

and I was like, "Badminton's fun.

I think I like badminton."

Wow. I-I've never played badminton,

but I really want to now.

- You should! - End clip.

They spoke of badminton.

Thus, if we remind them of badminton,

they will see it as a sign...

A call to arms.

Each other's arms, as it were.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

The game begins.

So, I found some build-up in Bill Maher's left ventricle.

Looks like all we have to do is thicken it up,

and he'll have a massive heart attack by end of day.

Wow, that's great, Sanjay!

So we could explode his heart... Mm-hmm.

...or his lungs...

or his penis.

Explode his penis?

Whoa, Sanjay!

Now, that's an idea!

Oh, no. I don't know if, uh, that's... Rosie!

...something that...

Wow, you're not gonna believe this.

Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea about Bill Maher.

About his penis.

I guess, uh... my idea...

is to explode his penis.

Wow. I know.

Ice Man is on the warpath.

Better go handle that.

So, uh, I guess, uh, we should probably get started.

No. This is all you.

This is insane!

I'm an executive.

Have fun!

Gust. Gust.

Breeze. Zephyr.

Quarter-breeze. Updraft.

Yes! Boo-yah!

In a mere six hours, I've successfully blown

a badminton birdie from a rooftop court

all the way to Laura's living room.

That is what I call a sign.

Mmm. What is that?

It's a mustard packet. It's a little treat.

You do something good, you get a little reward.

Here. Have one.

Oh, hello. Look. It's happening.

Hmm.

Okay. Onto the next sign.

Craig, okay, I've been doing research,

and it seems like people never pick up on signs.

Okay? No matter how obvious they are. Look.

Ooh!

'Tis a crow-y day, indeed.

Well, time for the theater.

This will be a normal night.

See? This badminton thing is not gonna work.

We need to be bolder.

What?

Eliza?

Out of my way, black cat.

I'm late for my fun play.

Hey, colleagues!

Ahh! I'm Sanjay from upstairs.

Love what you guys do down here. Oh, thanks.

Um, we... we hardly ever get acknowledged, so...

Listen, I'm gonna need you to explode Bill Maher's penis.

What? It's important.

Um, sir, I-I think there's been a misunderstanding

about what we do here in Genitals.

Our powers are extremely limited.

We mainly just try to enforce puberty.

Well, I need this dick exploded.

So I guess you better get to it, huh?

Thaaaaanks, guys.

Okay.

Do you guys know how to...

Ha! I figured it out.

We can get Sam and Laura together.

We just need to engineer... a Chance Encounter.

Oh, no. Those are very risky.

Check it out.

They both live near the same hospital,

so all we need to do is get them there at the same time.

Step one... injure Laura.

I found a melon near an open window along her route to work.

We blow it off, it clonks her on the head,

and she goes straight to the ER.

With Sam, I figure we just pop his appendix.

They spot each other in the ER,

sparks fly, they kiss.

World saved.

Okay. It's very... It's... I don't...

I don't know, though. Um...

Oh, don't worry. Appendixes are easy.

Look, there's even a button for it.

Oh, you've seen that.

Um... I know.

This is not the kind of stuff you usually do,

and it's a little, you know...

It's outside of your comfort zone,

and I get why you're scared.

Oh, no. No. I'm not scared.

You're not? No.

I'm a bold, intrepid man with a strong mind.