Meantime

You're not allowed to do that.

Barbara, the boys can take their shoes off and leave them in the kitchen. All right?

Yeah, all right, John.

Hello, Mavis. All right?

All right, that's it. You take your shoes off out there?

You too, Mark.

That's right, Barbara. Under the radiator.

- Yeah, all right, John. - That's it, Colin. Well done.

- All right? That's a good boy. - You can take your coat off now.

- Can you take my coat, John? - Can he manage?

Yeah, of course he can.

- Can I take your coat, Mark? - No. I'm wearing it.

Fine. No problem. As you will.

- Come on, Mark. Shoes off. - Yes, Auntie Barbara.

Good boys, aren't we?

- You all right, Mavis? - Don't call me Mavis.

Look at the state of your jeans.

- It's mud. - I can see it's mud.

Right. I'll just pop upstairs and put my shoes on?

Out of my way.

- What you been doing? - Nothing.

- Look at the state of your trousers. - It's mud.

I can see it's mud. How am I gonna get them cleaned?

Wash 'em.

You make a fuss about everyone taking their shoes off right outside the front door.

Well, I didn't want a mess.

Somebody could break their neck on that coming up the stairs.

- It's all right, Barbara. Don't worry. Relax. - I am relaxed, thank you.

- Get down. - No.

- You'll break it. - Good.

- Then you can pay for it. - What do you care?

- What are you up to, Mavis? - It's done now.

- Come on. You go and sit down. - What you doing? I've just done them.

Well, I don't use this tray for tea, see. It's my special morning coffee tray.

- Down from there, Mark, please. - Yes, Uncle John.

Thank you.

- Can I give you a hand with the tables, Barbara? - Yes, please, John.

- We'll put them all out again. - All right.

Don't worry, Frank. Tea up soon.

- That's it. Mind yourself. - There you go, Frank.

- I'll pass this over to you, John. - When you're ready, Barbara.

- Right? - Careful.

- No, no. Leave that, Mavis. - I've got it now.

It's pointless without the milk.

I'll get it then. It's only in the kitchen.

No, you come and sit down. I'll get it.

- Mind yourself. Mavis! - Get out of my way.

Look, you're really starting to get on my nerves a little bit now, Mavis.

Come on. Give me that. That's it. Pour it out in the jug so we can serve it up nicely.

This lawn needs a trim.

I thought you were gonna have one of them canopy things.

- Patio, yeah. - Yeah, patio.

- What happened to that then? - Well, we thought about it, Frank.

You know, with the patio doors.

But, I rather fancy a picture window myself.

- A what? - Picture window.

Yeah, no wood. Straight down to the floor. Very nice effect.

Lots of light and space. Just one big pane.

That's the in thing now, is it?

Well, I don't know about that, Frank, but I like it.

- Well, it's your money. - That's right.

Do you get many burglars around here, do you, John?

No, we don't. Touch wood.

See what's on TV?

- It's a doddle, this house. - Why? Have you been casing the joint, Mark?

- It ain't worth it. - Listen to him.

The master criminal.

- Can you give me a good-bye kiss then, Mark? - Yeah, all right then.

Charming.

You'll give me a nice kiss, won't ya.

Got something for you.

Here you are. Just a little treat for you on the way home.

- Now what you giving him? - Marshmallows.

I think Mum's feeling a bit better now, isn't she?

I don't know.

Well, pop round and see her next week?

- Well, it's been nice seeing you, Mavis. - Ta-ta.

- See you Christmas then. - Yes, I look forward to that, Frank.

- Won't be long. - All right, then.

- Drive careful? - Okay.

Colin.

See ya.

One, two, three, four!

N'

N'

N'

I think we should do something a bit more adventurous for the Gillespies this year.

Well, they don't like anything adventurous, do they?

Look what happened to her with the fondue.

- We could do steak again. - No, chops.

- Can't give 'em chops. - Why not?

Well, they can have chops any old time.

Well, you choose. He's your boss.

I don't suppose she can taste it anyway at the rate she shovels it down her throat.

- Are we friends again now? - What do you mean?

You've been walking around all day with a face as long as a poker.

I haven't got much time for Mavis and that family.

Well, I haven't got much time for your boss and his fat wife.

Well, at least the Gillespies aren't rude when they come here.

Who's been rude to you today, apart from Frank?

- Mark. - Mark's not rude.

You just don't appreciate his sense of humor.

What sense of humor? The boy's immature.

- And Colin wouldn't say “boo” to a goose. - Colin's just retarded.

He's not retarded.

Just never been given a chance.

You could be a good influence on those boys if you wanted to be.

- Who, me? - Yeah.

- They're not my responsibility, Barbara. - Well...

They've gotta learn to stand on their own two feet.

Yeah.

I want to redecorate this room. It's depressing.

Do you know, before 1980 the last time England won the Grand Slam was in 1956?

Was it?

Have you left it at home?

Where do you normally keep it?

- Pocket. - Which pocket?

Trousers.

- What's your name? - Colin.

Surname.

- Pollock. - Pollock.

Initials?

- What's your middle name? - Richard.

- Address? - 111 Bryant Court, Western Road, London E2.

Write your name on this piece of paper.

- Here. You can do mine while you're waiting. - No, you wait your turn.

Wasn't jumping the queue, was I?

I didn't say you were.

Just thought I'd save you a bit of time, that's all.

I'm not in a hurry. Are you?

Yes, I am.

Sign that.

Make sure you find that card.

We'll only have to make you another one.

It just makes more work for us.

You should take care of it.

- Yeah, all right. We don't want a lecture. - What business is it of yours?

I'm talking to him.

Thank you.

Can I have my pen?

You're his father, aren't you?

You done any work in the past two weeks?

I asked you a question.

Of course I haven't.

Have you got kids?

Beg your pardon?

What you trying to do?

- Done any work in the past two weeks? - Yeah.

Been working for the police.

Giving them information about various robberies...

and murders.

No, that was the week before last.

This week I'm spying on dole office workers,

determining their movements between 12:00 and 2:00 in the afternoon.

You don't make our job any easier, you know.

We're not talking about your job. We're talking about our jobs.

- Can I have my pen, please? - Our pen.

No. Who is this suss?

- How you going? All right? - Yeah, all right.

Come on.

See you later.

- Right. - See you later.

- Okay. - See ya.

Yeah!

There you are, Coxy.

- I can't get through. - Here you are.

Give us a drop. Come on.

- I pissed in it. - Good.

- It's lovely, innit? - Yeah.

- Give us a quid. - Nah.

- Why not? - You won't pay me back.

I will!

Shut up.

Where we gonna go then?

Steakhouse!

Which one?

That one.

Where's that one?

It's over there.

- Where's “over there”? - Up Jack's arse and round the corner!

You're really thick, you are.

I ain't as thick as you.

No one's as thick as me.

You're thick...

I'm hard.

That's right, innit?

Come on, Samson.

Oi'.!

What a waste?

On me head.

Don't flob at me.

That's it. One down.

No! Stop!

N'

That's a Colt .45, innit? Where's this meant to be anyway?

Mars, innit. It's supposed to be red, Mars.

That's what I thought.

Hey.

- What? - Come on.

Look at that.