The One Man Band (L'Homme orchestre)

How can you dare to be first! I want to be first!

Me, too.

What?

I said, I also want to be first.

But Monsieur, I am in my street.

I have the right to be first in my street. You are not in your street, are you?

No.

So go to your street where you can be first.

You are right.

This way we can both be first!

Good.

And you don't move. Not before I have left!

Much later!

Be quiet! We start from the beginning...

No, it's finished!

- We've been working on it for over a month. - I don't care. - Ok. You can leave...

No! Stay!

Hello uncle. How are you?

No time! What am I thinking? Quick! Telepathy!

But it is wonderful what you are thinking...

Do you hear what I am thinking? Listen!

Look at me! Chatterboxes...

Take your positions! To your positions, you two!

And keep your mouth shut!

Listen to me girls...

Listen to me girls!

Listen to me girls!!!

And keep your mouth shut!!!

5...6...7...

That wasn't bad. Do that once again immediately. 5, 6, 7!

That was nice... There's more power to it. Again. Give it all you have... Go on, 5, 6, 7!

That was good! That was very good.

You are not too tired? Not too much? You can have a break...

But first we do that once again. The last time. Go on, 5, 6, 7

Mr. Evans, one month before the tour this is terrible! We must replace her immediately.

Listen, guys. You have cut off my head.

That's enough!

Well, good... Next one! Thank you.

Well, bad. That was bad. Er, well, not bad. That wasn't bad...

What do you think about that?

- And you? - No, I think he's right.

Well, that wasn't bad. Not bad at all. That was very good.

Next one, please.

What is that?!

No... no... no! I don’t want her! I don't want her! Leave! Leave!

Who invited that one? Who invited that one?

- What's her name? - What?

What is her name?

Who?

What is your name?

Hendrikje Schimmelpenninck.

Write it down!

What?

Write!

Where?

Now do that once again.

Did you see her dance? Did you see how she moved?

No...

Oh, you did not see it... I saw it! In here! It happened in here. Telepathy!

That wasn't bad. Where did you work before?

In Rome. With Andrejev.

- Oh la la. And after that? - In Madrid, with Barabanov.

Oh, the poor old. He's still alive? And after that?

- In London. With Nevelevski. - Nevelevski? He's also still alive...

Well, that's all too classic, but you've got the job.

But be careful! Here we don't have boyfriends, marriages or anything like that!

This is like a monastery. You replace a girl who wanted to get married and had to leave!

- Did you get that? - Yes, Monsieur!

Good. And now let's start working.

Private property. No men allowed.

Listen carefully. If a man approaches you, no talk, no discussion. Counterattack!

Philippe, demonstration please!

Look at me, Hendrika. I am you. Philippe is the man who wants... which is not allowed.

Go!

Did you see? Now you, Hendrika. Get up, Philippe!

That's even better! Go...

Very good.

Well that's...Get up!

Fifty.

Not this way. Here... Take off your glasses.

- Fifty, two hundred. - Very good.

Forty-nine.

Fifty, one hundred.

- Forty-eight. - That's good...

Fifty-two, five hundred.

Faster! That's how to get rid of the fat.

Fifty.

What's going on? I can't hear anything. What's wrong?

- The scales don't work? - Yes, they do...

How much is it then?

Forty-five!

Very good.

No, that's not necessary...

My dear Francoise. Discipline is everything, isn't it?

A little bit of carrot, a little tomato...

Don't sleep! Your face will stay like that. Your plate, please... That's enough.

Ah, Leila... What's wrong?

Where's the rice?

A little bit of quince jam...

It's nothing, put on your glasses. Give me your plate.

Don't look at it, you will taste it!

Your plate. No, you don't need rice!

Mr. Evans. Are you satisfied with me?

I'm very satisfied with you.

- Do I dance better now? - Much better, Hendrika.

With you I made such progress.

That's very nice of you, my little Hendrika. Very nice.

Could I also have a little bit of the rice?

Certainly, my little Hendrika. Give me your plate.

A little bit more, please?

Yes. And also a bit of quince jam?

Oh yes!

Thanks.

- Well, you feel better now? - Yes, Monsieur.

Then you can take some medicine. In front of me!

You get the same dose. Go!

PRIVATE PROPERTY NO MEN ALLOWED

Before you go to bed, I will tell you the story of the wolf and the lamb.

Don't pull your nose! It will stay like that! I told you before.

Let's go on...

And what happened after that?

They married?

Go to bed. You did not understand anything...

Dancing, that's my life. I'm so happy to dance. I don't like men.

Dancing, dancing... No men! Never any men!

- Philippe. - Who is it?

- It's me, open! - No, it's not you!

- It certainly is me! - No, it's not you.

- But I tell you, it's me. - Prove it!

- How can I prove it? - Sing the song of the latest ballet!

It's Francoise's head.

Non, it's not really the head of Francoise. Open! Open!

- She has left. She's no longer in her room. - What?

Get dressed, we'll leave!

She mustn't see us! No matter what! We hide behind the bus.

It's nothing. Go on. It's nothing.

What do you mean, nothing? And this? And that?

That's nothing! Absolutely nothing...

- This is nothing? - No! Nothing - And he? He has nothing?

- No! - I've got nothing.

Well, you don't want me to bring you to a garage?

The car runs fine. It's you that keeps me from going... The car is fine.

Ah, it's me... I apologise for having had to brake, Monsieur.

Don't go, Madam. There is NOTHING! We drive on now...

- No, thanks. I am almost there. - Ok.

Finally a young one. I take you to Paris. You are a beau.

I will introduce you to my friends.

There's no need to be so shy. Come back...

We have to make up our minds, Francoise. Do you want to marry me?

Give me a little bit more time to think about it.

But I will leave in two days. I need an answer before that, my beloved Francoise.

But Evans. The ballet, the tour. I can't leave that easily.

Yes, I understand. I will wait for you.

I will give you a call in two days.

- I hope it will be a yes. - So do I.

- It's me. It's me. - What's going on?

You'll never believe me. You'll never believe me.

We thought Francoise was leaving. But you know what they were discussing? - No.

- Only about you! - Me?

There were only talking about you.

I almost fell into the water. She said:

"I love Philippe but I don't dare to tell him".

- That's impossible. - He said:

"You have to tell him! Don't hide your feelings."

And I kept on swinging to and thro...

That's impossible.

There were talking about that all night long.

Till four o'clock. I spend all the night swinging...

- What do you say? - That's unbelievable!

But listen. If she comes into your room: out!

And you never think about her. Never!

- I have your word? - Yes. - Look at me. Can I count on you? - Yes.

Yes, I can trust you... Everything will be fine.

That's incredible...

- Francoise... I... - What's wrong with you?

I... I wrote a song for you. Can I sing it for you?

In my room, tonight.

Tonight?

If Evans doesn't see us, there's no problem.

- Francoise... finally... - What's wrong with you?

I have forgotten the lyrics of my song for you...

Relax, relax. Loosen up.

This is a song... a song that... a song which...

A song that what?

I have your... but I have time...

- That's nice.. - To tell you in my song... - That's the emotion...

At last, Francoise... What I wanted to tell you...

Wait! Wait... wait...

- I remember the lyrics of my song... - What good is it now?

- At the end of my song I tell you... - That you love me.

What's happening? Why are you here? What are you doing in Francoises room?

Calm down! You know better...

- It's fun to mock me. You think I am an idiot. - No... Wait for me... wait...

Women are not easy. The right time, place... - And I missed both? I understand now...

- No, you don't understand women at all! - I tell you I do.

The girls played a nasty trick on Francoise. You'll have to talk to her alone.

- How? - I have an idea. Call her on the phone.

- On the phone? - That way nobody can listen... Go!