Clark

"BEING THE BEST AT BEING THE BEST WAS NOT MY THING,

SO I DECIDED TO BE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST."

CLARK OLOFSSON

Ow!

Ow! Goddamn it!

-Get this piece of shit out of me! - Give it a push, Mrs. Olofsson.

Shut the fuck up!

Watch my cigarette!

Calm down, Mrs. Olofsson.

You goddamn little brat!

- Calm down. -

Out you come, you little shit!

They yelled at me to get me to come out,

but I've always hated it when people tell me what to do,

so I tried to stay put as long as I could.

But I guess it was time.

And I've never liked being locked up.

The entire world was waiting for me out there.

Parties, banks, the babes, and all that other fun shit.

Goddamn it, let's rock-and-roll.

Yee-haw!

Freedom.

My first escape.

It's a baby boy.

Oh, my boy!

-And what a voice he has! - He's beautiful.

Everybody immediately saw that I wasn't just any kid.

I was special, and I've been like that all my life.

Really damn special.

That's some power!

All right, I'll tell you the whole damn story. From the top.

I'm gonna name him Clark, like Clark Gable.

Clark Oderth Olofsson.

The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I promise.

The entire Norrmalmstorg is filled with police cars.

…but a telephone interview we did with Clark Olofsson inside the bank.

You have probably heard of me

because of the infamous drama at Norrmalmstorg.

- -

Go live! Go live!

Just so you know, I was forced into that crap.

The entire thing with the Stockholm syndrome…

taking hostages, becoming world famous - all of that.

- -It's a prolonged drama.

Well, I had a blast during those days, but I've done a lot of other stuff too.

THE END - IT WAS CLARK!

BASED ON TRUTHS AND LIES

But let's start from the beginning.

HÄLLSKRIFTS ROAD 4

- - Damn good song.

-Yeah, I love this song. -Yeah, me too.

Always the same question.

"Clark, could you tell me about your childhood?

About your parents?"

If I had been given a penny

every time some half-witted psychologist asked me that question,

I wouldn't have had to rob all those banks.

What was that? Ow!

- - Yee-haw!

- What the hell are you doing?! -

-Did you just smash a bottle on my head? -Yeah.

-Goddamn, I love you! -Yeah.

- - Come here. Let's dance.

What the hell are you doing in there?!

- - Bang.

- Come on, honey. -Now you're dead.

Okay, look at the camera.

I guess we were like most other families - normal, with a lot of love.

I took care of myself and I was successful with the ladies,

and I liked them a lot.

Like I said, pretty normal.

Yeah! What the hell's wrong with you?!

What are you looking at, you stupid fucking neighbors?!

Sten! How am I supposed to take a bath now?

- - Shut up!

- He's stealing my bike! - Stop!

Clark, goddamn it!

Clark, where are you?

And, well, the ladies…

I've always fallen in love easily.

Full marks, Clark.

You're such a good boy.

-It's as if it goes "ding." -

I've been in love every freakin' day of my entire life.

I love you.

What the hell are you doing? Get a fucking grip!

Come on. Hurry up, damn it, you lazy fucking asshole idiot fucks!

Goddamn it! This isn't a goddamn retirement home, huh!

Do you want a taste?

It will cost you a kiss.

On the cheek.

And the ladies haven't been able to stay away from me either,

and I love them, all of them,

all different kinds.

And two cigarettes.

And making money has always been easy too.

- One cinnamon roll and a beer. -For lunch?

Already as a ten-year-old,

I earned more cash than Mom and Dad together,

and money gave me the one thing that I truly cared about -

freedom.

Freedom is the right to speak, think, and act however you like.

And Ulla from my dad's bakery, she was my first.

Ulla?

Clark?

I'd worked her for a while,

and finally, she agreed.

All right, come here.

Ah, Ulla. She was quite something.

One hot dog.

I've been in love my entire life.

I've robbed a shedload of banks, partied, fucked a whole lot,

and never worked a single day in my entire life,

but always had money.

-Ronny, he's stealing your moped! -What are you doing, you brat?! Come back!

I've never followed anybody's rules,

except my own, and I've always had a ton of fun.

Six months' juvenile detention.

I couldn't care less about what people feel about me.

I am who I am, and I will never apologize for it.

Four months' detention.

Don't touch me! Amateur.

-Give me the money. Hand it over! - Seven months in prison.

Yee-haw! Ha-ha!

Let's switch.

I've built my career with my own two hands,

and it's gone really well, and I don't regret a thing.

If I couldn't be the best at being the best,

then I'd sure as hell be the best at being the worst.

-Let's do it again. -

- How hard can it be? - So do it yourself.

- Haven't you rowed a boat? - Maybe I haven't.

What have you done all your life?

-At least steer in that direction. -It's fucking difficult.

-Come on, he's doing his best. -Is he really, though?

-It's not his fault he's a dumbass. -I'm fucking trying!

I'll help you. Let me show you. Come here.

-What are you doing?! -Fuck him real good!

Guys, this is really boring.

-We got to find some babes. - How are we gonna get babes here?

- Damn, I'm horny. -You're horny all the time.

I really have to take a leak.

How the hell would you get a girl?

You think you get more than me?

-I know I get more than you. - Bullshit.

- How many girls have I been with? - Two.

That's one more than you've had. Twice as many as you.

Hey, hey, hey. Check out that place.

-It looks kind of posh. Let's go there. -It looks like they've got dogs, though.

What's the deal with you and dogs, Gunnar?

I-I hate dogs!

Untrustworthy, stupid goddamn animals.

Shut up, Gunnar. Just row there.

- Come on, Gunnar. Hurry up. -Move it. Go sit.

- Let's see how good you are. - You never been in a boat?

It's not as easy as it looks.

- Watch Ekis do it. - That's what I did.

- Oh, come on. Chill. - You guys are the worst.

Hurry up.

- You can't row either. - Sit down.

- Congrats, you can row a boat. - More than you can.

Piece of shit.

What the hell is this place, huh?

Come on.

-I really have to take a leak. -Take it easy!

- Shh! -What the…?

Come on.

-Who owns this fucking place? -I don't know.

-I don't know. -Shh!

-Keep it down. -Think they have money?

-Sure, whatever. - Shut up. Morgan…

Yeah, sure.

- What are you doing? -

What is this place?

- Move it! I need to pee! - Knock it off!

-Sod off! -Calm down, you moron.

- Oh, finally. - What's this?

- -Tomatoes.

Well, what do we have here? Huh?

Rémy Martin XO Special.

Yeah? What's that? Whiskey?

Cognac, you stupid moron.

Sit down, dammit. You might learn something for once.

Yeah, sure.

A little splash for you.

-Come on. Hurry up. - What the hell?! I'm pissing!