Hue and Cry

Look, there's one.

- HK. It's one I haven't got. - Ain't you tired of that lark yet?

(Singing continues from inside the church)

"Enthralling new adventure of Selwyn Pike, master sleuth,

"and his youthful assistant, Smiler."

- Wotcher, chaps! Tea's up! - Joe, any luck today?

No, I went for a job in an undertaker's. I didn't get it.

- Come and see the boss at our milk bar. - I might look him up tomorrow.

Load of tripe.

- Found it in the road. - Listen.

"It was the work of a moment for Smiler to force the window.

"He put one leg over and dropped to the floor."

Where'd he leave the other?

"Two men lay in a pool of blood at his feet."

Brr. I'm scared.

"Pike must be informed at once of this grim new development."

- (Scottish accent) That's my comic! - Get out of it!

Get out of it!

"Smiler stepped back towards the window but ere he could reach it,

"the garage door swung open and Larry the Bull loomed up before him.

"Smiler opened his mouth to shout,

"but his cry of desperation was instantly smothered

"as a large, rough hand closed over..."

Well, where's the rest of it?

What do you mean?

It must have blowed away.

That's that.

I'll get you another one in the morning. Tuppence, please.

Huh, you'll catch me reading that kid's stuff.

Give us the "Trump", please.

"'Selwyn Pike was a fast mover.

"'Eight minutes of breakneck driving brought him to Wilmot Road.

"'Just in time.

"'There was the van.

"'Selwyn Pike was still on its tail when it pulled up in Granville Place.

"'It stopped outside number 813.

"'Two men jumped from it."'

Great Queen Street!

"'Pike watched through narrowed eyes.

"'Yes, there they were.

"'Three wooden crates and the number that Smiler had impressed upon him:

"'GZ 4216.

"'Pike frowned.

"'Two crates, two dead men. But the third crate?

"'Smiler! 'By gad', he ejaculated, 'The fiends!'

"'It seemed only too clear..."'

Mind out, you.

Look where you're going.

Excuse me, sir.

Are you Selwyn Pike?

No, my name is Higgins, sorry.

Three bodies I tell you! In wooden crates!

You're crackers.

- Scared, are ya? - Who, me?

- Get out of it. - OK, let's get on with it.

Agh!

- Well! - You're hurting me!

- Oh, yes. - Let go, I'll explain.

You'll explain to the police.

Leave off! Oh!

Lies, lies, lies.

All big lies, I tell you, Inspector. What I want bodies for in my business?

Mr Jago, please, I'm checking that number.

Sorry, inspector.

Terribly sorry.

But what a story.

Wherever I knew such lies!

You're sure it was GZ 4216?

Sure as I stand here, Inspector. Just like in that paper.

Very interesting. You see, there doesn't happen to be a GZ.

See, Inspector? He makes it all in his head.

Why? He comes to rob my shop.

But I knew it all the time.

You've got your remedy. I take it you wish to charge this boy.

Yes, I charge him. You will send him to prison?

Right, we'll all three get along to Bow Street.

To Bow Street? Me? Now? Why?

- You're the one bringing the charge. - But Inspector, what else shall I bring?

I've told you all I know.

- I'm sorry, you've got to come along. - Oh, yes, but I can't come now.

I'm waiting for a customer of mine.

He comes at half past nine. He's a very big customer.

Look here, Mr Jago.

Either you proceed in the proper manner or you drop the charge.

Yes, please, sorry, I haven't understood.

He is a very big customer. He can't find close to my shop.

You must understand, Inspector.

Well, right. Well... I'll let the boy go.

What else can I do?

All right, son.

So sorry, Inspector. I didn't like to waste your time.

If only it would have been tomorrow, I could have managed.

Sorry.

That was lucky for you, son. You'd better cut along. Where do you work?

- I'm just looking for a job. - I see.

Well, watch your step.

- It was GZ 4216. - Cut it out, son.

Supposing them number plates was false and that bloke was a crook?

He wouldn't have sent for me, would he?

You ought to lay off reading those shockers.

I don't think you're really a bad boy, just a bit imaginative.

- If I put you in the way of a job... - In the CID?

No, Covent Garden.

Do you know Nightingale's, the fruit and vegetable place?

- No. - Mr Nightingale is a friend of mine.

He's on the lookout for a bright boy like you.

Take this along to him.

Tell him I sent you.

Detective Inspector Ford.

Send me up some alligators too.

What's that?

Yeah, I could do with a fisherman's daughter.

That's the lot, unless you've got some ins and outs in.

Oh, Jim, those tennis balls are a bit of a duff lot. They're frosted.

How's the missus?

Oh, too bad.

Tell her to rub it with turpentine. So long.

So you're the young fellow that sees visions on the streets of London?

What's your name?

- Joe Kirby, sir. - That's right.

Detective Inspector Ford has just been telling me about you. Started young, eh?

- Started what, guv'nor? - The heebie-jeebies.

- Now, let me give you some advice, Joe. - Yes, sir.

If ever you see a small jellied eel in striped pyjamas,

riding a tricycle up the wall,

knock it off, boy.

Don't ever touch another drop.

- Good strong boy, are you? - I reckon so.

Come here.

Come here, I'm not going to eat you.

Bend it, bend it slowly.

Oh, not a bad bit of muscle there. All right, Joe, I'll try you out.

30 shillings a week, 5am to 1 pm.

And no daydreams in my time.

I wasn't dreaming.

Tom, this is your new assistant, Joe Kirby.

Show him the ropes.

And if you find any corpses under those spuds, give me a whistle.

Ho, razor blades, ho!

I got ya.

All elastic, our braces, all elastic!

Razor blades, ho!

All elastic, our braces, all elastic!

- Our elastic braces! - Razor blades!

What does he get, young Johnson? Two quid a week?

Don't know how he does it. I couldn't afford to play around with girls at his age.

- Now what's his nibs up to? - Just practising, Dad.

- I've got a job. - A job, have you?

I hope it's a good steady one this time.

- That's mine. - I eat the crusts. I'm slimming.

I told you not to start a new loaf before you finish the old.

Tell us, how much are you getting?

- I'm getting 30 bob a week. - Money isn't everything my lad.

What's the prospects?

I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't given a very important job to do pretty soon.

- In the government? - In the CID, if you must know.

Never mind about the job you're going to get.

- What about the job you've got? - It's in Covent Garden.

I was recommended by a detective inspector.

I've got to carry ten baskets on me 'ead.

Well, it's not what I'd call a real safe job,

but some of these porters earn good money.

Dad, you know about car numbers?

I'll have a word with Ted Williams. His son works in the market.

- Why ain't there no cars with GZ? - I didn't know there wasn't.

It's flowers he goes in for. Seasonal stuff.

White carnations would go well with my new dance dress.

Joe, try and get us a couple.

White carnations. I've got more important things to worry about.

Like joining the CID?

Some people ain't got the imagination.

I done a bit of good for that detective inspector.

Kept me eyes open and what with this crime wave, I wouldn't be surprised...

You've got a bit of sausage on your chin.

Joe!

Seen any of the others yet?

No, why?

Roy Ellis ain't half been spinning a yarn.

- I should worry. - He says they fetched a cop along to you.

Detective Inspector.

Detective Inspector! Coo, what happened?

Nothing much, 'cept he gave me a job.

Wotcher, Dicky.

Look who's walked in.

Found them bodies yet, Joe?