Nice Work

This is Vic. Please phone me. At work.

Robyn? Are you there?

This is me again. I must talk to you.

Hello Robyn, this is Charles.

Can you call me back? Thanks.

Robyn. Look, all I want to do is talk.

You can't avoid me forever.

Please.

Robyn, this is Charles again.

If you don't return this call,

and you know how much

- Well, sod you, Charles! - (Beep)

Ah. Erm... Er, Robyn,

Erm, I wonder if you'd be free

on the evening of Saturday,

We're having a few people

Erm, oh, and, er, Morris Zapp is staying with us, an old friend from the States.

I... I daresay you know his work.

Erm, er, yes.

Er, bye.

Sam, Meryl, well, I'm glad you could make it.

Go on through. Hilary's down at the end of the hall.

- Hello, Philip. - Ah, Robyn. There you are.

I'm glad you got my message. You've been rather elusive during the vac.

- Yes, I've been away. - Holiday?

- Philip, where are the Twiglets? - In the kitchen, by the recipe books.

- You know, er, Robyn Penrose? - Oh, Robyn, of course.

- Hello. - It's nice to see you. I'll take that.

- Thanks. - A holiday?

- Well, more of a retreat. - Ooooh!

You may well ask...

- I've been staying with my parents. - Oh, sorry, Jack, excuse me.

- Sorry. - Let me introduce you to Morris Zapp.

- I think he's in need of rescuing. - I'm looking forward to meeting him.

Oh, good God, no, I wouldn't care to be at Essex, frankly.

- No, or Keele. - Oh, poor old Keele.

- Oh, no, one shouldn't laugh, I'm sorry. - (Laughs)

- Hello, Ruth. - Hello, Rupert.

Have you been here all evening?

Cuts, cuts, cuts. That's all anybody'll talk about here.

Somebody should write a book called Cuts.

Well, there is a musical, I believe.

Well I wouldn't like to be a sociologist here at the moment.

- (Man) Absolutely... - That's Cats, Phil.

- Are you getting deaf? - Pardon? No, no, I don't think so.

I said cuts.

Busby was just bending my ear on the subject.

- Because the cuts... - That's what life is like

in British universities these days.

I spend my entire life on committees arguing about cuts,

and how to implement them.

I... I haven't read a book in months, let alone written one.

- Well, I have. - Read or written?

Written. The first draft, anyway, that's what I've been working on during the vac.

Ah, Robyn, you're an example to us all. However shall we manage without you?

Tell me about your book, Robyn.

Well, my working title is Woman as Sign and Commodity in Victorian Fiction.

- Really? - Er, yes, excuse me.

- Erm, Hilary, can we have the canapés? - Let's find a quiet place and sit down.

Well, subject meaning area of study,

or subject meaning what we used to call the individual self?

Well, I suppose both, really.

The trouble is, some of our colleagues have only heard of the first sense.

- Oh, hello, Bob. - How are you?

We were just saying that there is a certain amount of dead wood in the faculty.

Yes, people who haven't had a new idea for years.

Mm, mm, I know. Where is he?

I saw old Sutcliffe in the photocopying room the other day.

He was xeroxing his old dog-eared lecture notes so they looked like new ones.

I've got to mark paper 12 with him this year.

They're very important, I think,

because, er, in his own idiosyncratic way Hardy did challenge the stereotypes.

And my last chapter is a sort of manifesto for a feminist poetics of fiction.

That is interesting.

Do you have a publisher for your book in America?

- Not yet. - I'm a reader for Euphoria University Press.

I'd really like to read your book.

Well, that's very kind of you. I'd certainly value another opinion.

Can you drop a manuscript here before 8:30 tomorrow morning?

I'm catching the 9:45 shuttle to Heathrow.

OK, fine.

Of course, I may not like it, but you look like a smart girl to me.

- Person. - Person! Sorry.

Morris, you really mustn't monopolise Dr Penrose.

- Well, actually, I was just about to go. - Oh, so soon?

Yes, work to do.

Thanks for a lovely party.

Er, nice meeting you. I'll see you tomorrow, then.

Good, er...

Now you can monopolise me for a while, Morris.

Terrific seeing you again, Hilary.

Come on, Morris, the taxi's here.

He'll wait, Phil. He'll wait.

Professor Zapp for the airport. He's catching the 9:45 shuttle.

- You will get him there on time? - Morning, Philip.

Robyn! What are you doing here at this hour in the morning?

Oh, delivering my book to Professor Zapp.

Great, I'll read it on the plane. Is your phone number on the manuscript?

- Oh, no. Have you got a pen? - Morris, the taxi.

- Thanks. - Relax, Phil. I've got plenty of time.

But the meter's ticking over.

- So what? - (Sighs) Ah, I'm sorry.

I've become rather obsessive about waste, since I became dean.

There you are. Home and department numbers.

Thanks. You should come back to Euphoria State, and watch us spending money.

- (Laughs) - It would do you good.

Do you intend to stay there until you retire?

Sure.

I have a contract that says no one in humanities is to be paid more than I.

Why so modest, Morris? Why restrict it just to the humanities?

Oh, you've got to be realistic.

Guys that can blow up the world or cure cancer

- deserve a bit more than we literary critics. - (Chuckles)

If I like your book, I'll phone you. If I don't, I'll mail it back.

- Ciao. - Bye.

Go with the flow, Morris.

He's fun, isn't he? He's an amiable rogue.

I can't think why he's so interested in your book, though.

He's never had much time for feminists since Desiree became one.

- Desiree Zapp, the novelist? - Mm.

- I didn't know she was his wife. - Oh, ex-wife.

Well, very ex.

Oh, look, er, can I invite you in for a cup of coffee?

Oh, thanks, but I've been up all night printing out my book.

All I want to do is fall into bed.

I'll see you tomorrow, then.

- First day of term! - Right.

- Morning, Robyn. - Hello.

Robyn, I do need those marks for Women in Writing.

- God, yes. End of the week. I promise. - Yes, please.

- Hello, Jack. - Bob.

- Enjoy the party? - Oh, hi, Bob. Yes, it was lovely.

- Did you hear about Hilary Swallow? - No.

- Hi, Bob. Hi, Robyn. - Hello.

After you left, she got even more pissed and disappeared upstairs with old Zapp.

- You're kidding! - Well, you...

You know they had this wild thing during the '60s?

- I don't believe it! - Mm! More anon. See ya.

- Hi Robyn. - Hello, Simon.

- I'm getting a coffee, do you want one? - Oh, thanks, yes.

What time were you expected? Well, I don't know.

I wasn't really expected at any time, but I just turned up about nine, you know.

Well here she is. Ah, Robyn, there you are.

I just met your shadow outside your door. Oh, sorry.

"Alone and palely loitering." Keats.

Apparently he's been here since nine o'clock.

- Hello. - What do you mean, my shadow?

Yes, I did tell Mr Wilcox that our day starts a little later.

What do you mean, my shadow?

Er, the... the second part of the shadow scheme.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, so you... you weren't expecting Mr Wilcox this morning?

- Not this morning or any morning. - Well, I wrote to you about it.

Excuse me, please. Thanks.

- The letter must have gone astray. - Ah, well, let me explain.

Ahem. In the vacation, while you were away, Mr Wilcox wrote to the VC,

suggesting a follow-up to the shadow scheme.

It seems he was so impressed with the experiment,

he thought it ought to be continued in reverse, so to speak.

Well, me... me shadowing you.

I mean, after all, we in industry have a lot to learn too.

- No way. - (Philip) Ah, jolly good!

- Look, I'll see you at coffee. - I said I won't do it!

Well, er... er... er... w... why not?

Mr Wilcox knows.

- No I don't. - Erm, er...

When we first met, you expressed utter contempt for the work I do.

I was prejudiced.

That's what the shadow scheme's for, isn't it, to overcome prejudice?

- (Woman) Hi, Robyn! - Uh, hi. I'll be with you in a minute.

But look... He'd... he'd have to sit in on my classes, it's not fair on my students.

I wouldn't interfere. I...

I'd just be a fly on the wall.

I honestly don't think the students would object, Robyn.

I'm surprised Mr Wilcox can be spared from his factory. I thought he was indispensable.

No, things are running smoothly at the moment, and, er...

I've got a lot of holiday owing.

Yes, I, er, think if Mr Wilcox is prepared to use his own time, that we...

The VC is most enthusiastic.

I don't seem to have much choice, do I?

- Come on. - (Philip) Oh, good.

Well, I'll leave you in good hands, then, metaphorically speaking.

Although he often criticised the materialism of Victorian society,

Tennyson also took an interest in its inventions and achievements.

The line in "Locksley Hall",

"Let the great world spin for ever down the ringing grooves of change"

reflects the optimistic spirit of the Railway Age.

Tennyson was, however...

Yes, Mr Wilcox?

He must have been thinking of trams, not trains.

- Train wheels don't run in grooves. - (Laughing)

You find that an amusing suggestion, Simon?

Well, trams, they're not exactly poetic, are they?

Well, it's, erm...

It's an interesting, if trivial, crux.

This is what Tennyson himself said.

"When I went by the first train from Liverpool to Manchester,

"I thought that the wheels ran in a groove.

"It was a black night and there was such a vast crowd