The Chaser's War on Everything

Music

Music

Music

Music

Music

Music

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE

Thank you and good evening, right around Australia.

Welcome to the World Tour of Week.

A very special hello to all of you, Zimbabwe this week.

Yes, yes. We're very sorry we couldn't send our quick orders over to Harassia

in nightclubs. The tour is off, which is a great shame, because I love the way they play the game in Zimbabwe.

Yeah, they're great deal. Although over there, Elbe W stands for Legally Bash White.

It's a different game.

The big loser in all this is Brett Lee, because she dispends really going to hurt

South of his new Jewett with Robert McGarby.

I know I'm different, I'm not for me. I'm just another guy.

With Blond Head, this hard to hide, I think I got you.

Now, it's funny this week, telly marketing has become a hot topic since the government introduced this new

Do Not Call Register.

Yes, now this is the register. You can sign up to if you don't want

telly marketers or warning to ring you up at home.

There's a big double standard though.

There is a big one, a big one.

Is the minister Helen Koon and made the register only apply to marketers and advertisers.

It doesn't apply to politicians who may want to spam people's entry machines during election campaigns.

Exactly, as Jon Howard did himself at the last election.

Hello, this is Jon Howard. I've taken down usual standards contacting you.

But this recording is just supporting your local level candidate.

Six bloody times, Jon Howard rang me with that message.

It's not on Howard. He liked it if someone spanned him that often.

Well, it's funny, so that Chris, because I followed the PM for a whole day to show him just how annoying political telly marketing is.

Hello, this is Jon Howard. I've taken down usual standards contacting you.

Do you guys have a knowledge of how insisting about your local level candidate?

That is his one.

I know Andrew Lemmy, and I know he is the biggest suspect of the moment.

This is Jon Howard on behalf of Andrew Lemmy.

Thank you for your time.

Hello, this is Jon Howard.

I'm trying to tell you to stay the context.

It's not annoying.

How can a citizen say that he's not a local candidate?

It's not your standard.

It's not your standard for prices.

Andrew Lemmy, and I know he's the biggest suspect of the moment.

This is Jon Howard on behalf of Andrew Lemmy.

Thank you for your time.

What are your local and local standards?

Which I'm seeing I can direct it up to him.

I know Andrew Lemmy.

And I know he will be Andrew Lemmy.

And I know he will get things done to go.

Thank you for your time.

Hello, this is Jon Howard.

I'm trying to tell you to stay the context.

Is it annoying?

Yes, it's recorded.

He's not a local candidate.

And I know Andrew Lemmy.

I know Andrew Lemmy.

I know he can do it on a dinner call register.

But record it please.

I know him.

And we're here together.

I don't want to wake up, Jinnet.

It was one of the most loved and acclaimed movies of all time.

Now Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman are reuniting to share a cell with Paris.

The Shaw's Gang Redemption.

Come soon.

Now, Charles, I know you well and you're a big karaoke fan, don't you?

I love my karaoke.

It's kind of like my own private Eurovision.

I guess the thing that people love about karaoke is it's the chance to be in the spotlight.

It's the same at those open mic nights that pubs people get up and read their poetry,

do some stand-up, that sort of thing.

People love performing, don't they?

You're giving a microphone, you'll never hear the end of them.

Well, that's right.

And I've got news for those people.

You don't need to go to pubs to find yourself an open mic.

In fact, this country's got open mics all over the place.

And once you find them, you can pretty well say whatever you want.

Attention shoppers.

We have a lost little boy in aisle two.

He hasn't been claimed by anyone for 20 minutes.

So if anyone else would like to adopt him, please come to the service.

Yes, you have to run the store.

Thank you.

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes.

No one's claimed him.

Would you like to adopt? I can get you the paper work.

No.

Okay.

All right.

Thanks anyway.

Attention shoppers.

We have a lost little girl in the store.

She's about eight years old.

We're in Kaki shorts.

Kaki pants.

Keeps on banging on her father and wildlife.

If anyone has any idea how to shut her up, could you please come to the customer service desk?

At the front of the store.

Thank you for your attention.

Is this trying to make a community service announcement?

There's a lost little girl.

Get out.

Get out.

Attention patrons.

The bistro will be closing in five minutes.

But all meals will be left in the Bain Marie, and will be available for sale again

at lunch at 11 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Thank you very much for your attention.

Sorry, I was just making a community service announcement.

Right.

So I've got a couple of boilers to make. Is that all right?

You can't make an announcement.

Just come and help yourself to make an announcement.

But I just want to make a public service announcement.

To help everyone in there. It's just food safety, you know?

Have you spoken to any of our managers?

Well, I think I've spoken to everyone now.

Did you ask to use this?

No, no, no. I didn't.

But I'm just trying to help the public.

You know, I just jump on the microphone.

So I can't make another one?

Just back off for a minute.

Like us.

Attention patrons.

With all people using the poker machines, please go home.

Your families are missing you.

Please, please go home.

Your families love you.

And I'll let you in on something.

You're not going to win.

Thank you for your attention.

Sorry, I was just making a community service announcement.

Not the community service announcement.

Sorry, I was just making a community service announcement.

Sorry.

I am male, cameras lead us.

I am tired, with your gaze, always in some blessings.

Always in some blessings.

I've met the wash and the bone.

I'll be the main body of Rome, within true dancing.

Still in those some blessings.

But I still can't accept.

What if not by you?

But I still can't accept.

What if not by you?

I don't get lost.

How to raise funds.

Show to the end of how the war runs.

Eat them a tip or two.

Less you and more you too.

I don't make a lot of bounce around.

The devil I know more about the whole more thing.

I do know.

Did I measure up this home?

But I still haven't found.

How to be humble.

And I still can't accept.

What if I could write out?

APPLAUSE

Yes, it's time now for our increasingly occasional segment.

What have we learnt from history?

It's right.

Previously in this segment we've tested the story of the Trojan horse

and the story of Genesis.

But this week we thought we'd take a look at our more recent history

by opening up the book on World War II.

Yes, everyone learns about us.

It all began when Germany invaded Poland in 1939 as part of Hitler's expansionist

Leibin's round policy.

Well, that was the defining turning point.

A boy did Poland pay a very heavy price.

Poland learnt from the past, surely.

They'd show a bit more resistance today if Germans turned up unannounced

and tried to enter Polish territory.

APPLAUSE

Germany.

So short.

You can see it.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

Donkishin.

The gate starts.

OK, come on, Zika.

We sign here?

Two for Zika.

Two for Zika.

We sign German friends.

OK, good.

Yeah.

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Thank you.