Stars & Bars

Yo, man. What are you doing?

Who do you think you are? Errol Flynn?

I'm sorry. It's just not my day.

- I killed you forty-three times. - Forty-three, God.

Yes, concentrate. Concentrate.

Relax.

R-E-I-A-X.

Relax.

Can I ask you something, Mr. Dores?

How long you been in the States?

Two months now.

You don't miss England now?

Well, yes. But I'm sort of stuck there, you see.

I wasn't ever going to change.

I want a change, Eugene.

And you figure, like, living here is going to do that for you?

Why, I hope so, yes.

America, you see, is big, different, unpredictable.

Well, the way I figure it...

It's all the same everywhere. Dishing the shit, that's what it's all about.

Dishing the shit.

Some of the time, I suppose. But not all of the time, surely.

Is that what you really think?

- Yes, I mean, I love it here. - Well...

That don't mean the place is gonna love you back.

Taxi! Asshole!

What do you want?

Hey, man. Hey, listen, listen, listen.

- The universe is a free life. - Excuse me.

And charming people have something to hide.

Bang!

What if I give you two thousand dollars?

Any advances on two thousand dollars?

- Yes, madame. - One thousand dollars.

God. That's oil, Henderson.

I'm going to have to charge you.

This happens to be a 400 dollar suit, you know.

- Sorry. - How else am I going to clean my suit?

Listen Henderson, we really have to talk.

About what? Yesterday. I was coming out of the elevator, you were

going into your office. And I said, "Hi there Henderson," and you said, "Hello."

What's wrong with that? Hello?

There you go again. Ello, ello. That's no way to treat a colleague, Henderson.

That's the way I talk, for God's sake.

No, no. You don't get away with that.

That's right. Half past eleven.

Bye bye. Hello, baby.

- Melissa, darling, I've been thinking... - Honey.

Listen, Daddy's got the most incredible job for you.

It's all fixed. Very big.

Un petit moment. Here we go.

You two get the hell out of here. Fast.

There he is.

Daddy.

- I'm going to leave my two men alone to talk business. - Come in, Henderson.

- Pruitt. - Edgar.

Would you please leave me and Henderson alone?

Yes, I understand.

1908.

Excuse me, Edgar. 1908, that's my century.

Sorry.

Yeah, 1908. It's an important Renoir.

Last seen in Paris in 1933. No one knows where it is today.

No.

How much do you think it's worth?

Who knows? The sky's the limit..

I would say ten million.

Ten million.

We could be talking...

A million bucks clear for us.

- I don't understand. - Yesterday I got this slide. The man wants to sell.

He wants us to...

He wants us to sell it for him.

Now I want you to go down there and get this beauty before he changes his mind.

Down where?

The south.

Georgia.

A place called...

Luxora Beach.

This guy's being a bit secretive.

This is right.

You're the expert.

You're the only man for the job.

I'm counting on you, Henderson.

You're counting on you.

I-I don't know what to say.

You can rely on me, Edgar. I'm...

I'll give it my best shot.

You're damn right you will.

I'm not the hat check girl.

I'm frightfully sorry.

- Bloody hell, Pruitt. - You've been avoiding me, Henderson.

That picture.

- You know the 20th century belongs to me. - Not the impressionists.

- No, you don't get off so easy. - I'm sorry, Pruitt. Edgar is

- the boss. - I am on to you, Henderson.

You come over here and... why do you hate me, Henderson?

What did I do to you? I can feel the aggression coming off you like a wave.

- Pruitt. - Okay, it's kind of silly...

- I'm sorry, but I can't handle this... - That's a great mustache.

- English bastard. - Doesn't take fifty units.

The whole thing is off.

No, fifty, Richard.

Could you pour me a glass of wine, please?

No, final offer. Goodbye.

I'm not the bar man.

You in the art world?

No, I sell computers. Fascinating.

You mean boring. What's your name?

Dores. Henderson Dores.

- Yes, that's right. - I'm Irene Stein. Steen, not Stine.

Irene Stein. Computers.

Thanks very much.

Well.

I think it's extremely bad. Really, very bad indeed.

Henderson, I'd like you to meet my brother.

- Hello. - The artist.

Look, I must tell you again how sorry I am.

- It was terribly rash. - Relax. I think they stink, too.

Hi there. James.

This is Miss... Miss Stein.

James.

Nice to meet you, sir. As I was saying my name is James and I'll be your waiter.

I'll be right back with your menus. I hope you have a nice meal.

You know...

I don't know what took me so long to do it. James?

Can we have another bottle of this, please?

I mean, if there's one thing

that I can't stand, it's having a boss. Don't you find that?

- Yes... - I mean, I have more responsibilities.

More debts. More hassles.

But I feel great.

You know why?

Because I feel free as a bird.

I feel free like birds.

I feel free. I feel free.

Can you imagine that?

Yes, God, absolutely.

Are you, you know, married or anything?

Twice. And I'm not really your anything at the moment.

Twice. Goodness.

No, no I'm not.

Want me perhaps to...

Well, press on.

You're not gay, are you?

What, me? Good Lord, no. Why?

Well, are you seeing anyone?

Well, last year in...

London, I met this person. A woman. An American woman. And...

Well, we were... That was one of the reasons I came over here, in fact.

- I see. - But since then...

I have to blow my nose.

Irene, I think perhaps we should, go for a taxi.

Run!

Take it, you bastards!

- Get off, get off me! - Settle down, please. Calm down.

Calm down, please. It's alright, sir.

You dropped some money back there.

Take it easy, man.

Irene!

Irene!

It was meant to be a sort of diversionary tactic.

I got it. You throw me in the garbage and they think I've already been mugged.

Yeah, well, not exactly.

It was meant to be more, sort of...

Lure. Lure them away while you beat a hasty retreat.

Yes, I have.

Why don't you bring it to my office at lunch time? We can have something to eat.

Bye Louie, see you tomorrow.

Let's eat these outside. My place is right around the corner.

Okay.

Tomorrow.

No.

Neither have I.

You know, they've booked me this huge suite in a hotel in Atlanta.

- Just in case. But I'm not exactly sure where I'll be. - I see.

Well.

See you when you get back.

Yes, please.

- Good luck. - Thanks.

I'm terribly sorry, I'm so late.

Couldn't get away from the office. Someone...

I'm terribly sorry, Mellisa.

I couldn't find the bloody...

You never returned my phone calls.

Mom, I can't find those god damned glasses.

In the usual place, Young lady.

School's out, she's driving me mad.

Gervaise! Are you alright? Big, clumsy man.