Bill Burr: Why Do I Do This?

thank you

sails

all right thank you thank you thank you

very much thanks a lot

thank you thank you Jesus Christ give us

some free tickets everybody shows up huh

it's like this guy fucking rocks man

three tickets I like this guy alright

well it's uh it's good to be here man

thanks be back down here in New York I

didn't do shit today I didn't lose her

man you said around watching TV and all

the type of stuff and I'm gonna tell you

something man you know what I'm sick of

pedophiles and sex offenders dude

they're on every channel everybody is

doing something on sex offenders you

know it's like dude I got it there's

people out there touching kids you know

but it's not everybody it's a very small

portion of the population so you know

take it down a few cuz you're making it

fucking awkward out there dude you can't

say hi to kids anymore I love kids I

love kids I like making faces at him on

the airplane making them laugh now

parents like this sex offender Lisa

making me feel like a freak you know I'm

terrified of kids now remember back in

the day when a kid would come walking up

to you you can pat him on the head

hey rusty how you doing right now what

kid comes walking up and like do get

that thing the fuck away from me

Ceri to get away and drop I'm not around

just terrified

get that thing away from me all right

don't need the FBI or that's a catch a

predator guy to come walking out like

what are you doing here

let's show to catch a predator man that

is horrible PR for white people huh

Jesus Christ can they move that show to

an urban area every once in a while and

just pitch a couple of our Kelly's

peeing on some kids you know just

balance it out a little bit like this

every dude walking in that house got to

look like me oh you're gonna fucking

hate your own how about it's

unbelievable everybody is talking about

pedophiles and all that type of stuff I

don't know maybe there's more of them

nowadays it's like easier now because

the Internet you know you know because

back in the day you had to work for it

right you know you had to get an

ice-cream truck got to figure out when

the kids got out of school you pick a

straggler you know

now you just throw in the internet it

what does I send me saw a kid riding a

bicycle down the street dude you're

never gonna see that shit again you

never see him playing outside up to

parents just have him inside now man

they just feeding them and feeding them

you know just making them fatter and

fatter trying to make them unfuckable

all these for 250 pound eight-year-olds

you can't get that kid in the car I'm

serious pedophiles in general they're

very skinny people they gotta start

chalking up their forearms or fucking

blowing up

it's just a theory

honestly don't take this shit too

seriously if you really think that is do

you think that that's why there's I

don't know rented that movie uh pride

recently if you guys seen that movie let

me say that it's about the first

all-black swim team and the difficulties

they had to go through being the first

all-black swim team

I made your question how many of those

white people are evil movies are they

gonna make it's like it's all the way

down to swimming you know I'm starting

to run out of white kilts you know now

let's take those movies they started off

unbelievable start off with roots right

white guilt was at an all-time high I

could barely even watch it I'm like dude

I got it my ancestors evil okay please

please turn the channel do it please

turn the channel

they still hit them fuck turn the

channel this is gonna be on all week

Jesus

they're the 80s there was like a

football movie then like cuba gooding

want to be like a scuba diver I remember

that shit and now it's all the way down

to swimming and I gotta admit I don't

think I give a fuck I'm not trying to be

a dick but it's a recreational activity

plus I've been in pools there's been

black people in the pool you know I

never saw any white guy like trying to

like fucking like prevent people

secondly just like making this shit up

I'm I'm not being a dick here either

okay just to clarify you know I just

wanted anybody coming up to me after the

show like you know I was thinking it

then you fucking said it I'm not saying

that I don't think people should be loud

let's put on some speedos and go for a

dip I'm not saying that shit I'm just

saying these movies like the characters

aren't even believable like they always

have to have like that though the

over-the-top uninhibited white racist

character you know you know that guy

he's a guy like he's supposed to

represent all the white evil you know

he's like the dude they always have like

screaming during the movie trailer

they'll be like they were the first

all-black swim team a big vein in his

forehead just screaming shit look not

even looking around you know dude it's

ridiculous real racism is quiet it's

subtle people look around first make

sure that you know they make sure the

coast is clear

this disclaimers like dude you know I'm

not racist but these insert group name

followed by fucked up conversation right

that's how it some guy I work at the

bank but I'd be fired immediately please

I'm just saying can you just make the

shit like believable you know the honest

thing is those movies they're starting

to give me a complex you know cuz any

time they do a movie about a group of

people that thinks dumb shit about

another group of people it's always like

white dudes so it's like a white dudes

the only ones who think ignorant shit

about other people you know no Mexican

guy ever walked up to somebody from

India like dude what the fuck is that

fuck you fight to see I was walking

around when you guys don't eat cows you

bunch of bags

then why are you wearing sandals sandals

back

now I'm just saying you know just

balance the movies out a little bit like

just have some of the evil shit that

black people say about white people you

know when we're not around you know like

like what are some good examples you

know I mean you're hanging out had a

rough day you know what are some of the

classics you know wouldn't smell like

wet dogs right got headlights or

something like that right just just slip

some of that shit in there yeah a little

pool wash your hand while the fucker

brenda's make it seem a little more

dude I'm just saying it's all the way

down to swimming where the fuck do you

go from there we do like ping pong they

were the first all-black ping pong team

they're gonna steal the paddle

my god is not playing paintball

you got to go out there and show the

white man your baby ping-pong

no I'm not I'm not saying now oh so he's

just weird bringing this shit up but no

I'm not saying white people aren't evil

either cuz I know where you I got they'd

evil in me though I can I can feel it

that's why I try to suppress it I tried

to dress casual you know I mean I'm

serious man I tried a suit on the other

day I felt it coming up like fuck man I

want to take over some shit right I'm

gonna start telling people what to do on

it'll blue to Lake flaming on my

secretary you know

dude I never liked those movies when

they make black and white people get

along man even those ones seem

ridiculous you know cuz they always has

to be like some sort of lesson and those

movies just like you know I never looked