Shameless

The Chatsworth Estate is no Garden of Eden,

but it's been a good home to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids,

who I'm proud of, cos every single one of 'em

reminds me a little of me.

They can all think for themselves, which they've me to thank for.

Lip, a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him Philip now.

Ian, a lot like his mam, which was handy for the others

when she disappeared into thin air.

And Carl - daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.

One, it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah. Two, nits love it.

Debbie! Sent by God. Total angel. You should check your change,

but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour.

Plus little Liam. Gonna be a star some day.

Monica, the wife. She's back, with her bird in tow,

and we can't get shot of her.

And the neighbours, eh?

The neighbours. Well, what can you say?

Nothing, if you don'twant your arms breaking. Still, nobody's perfect.

But, all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost

one of the most vital necessities in life is

they know how to throw a party! Heh, heh!

Scatter!

Geniophobia means fear of chins. I mean, how mental is that?

There are enough people in the world scared of chins,

someone bothered to invent a word for it.

At least be scared of something rational, like, uh, kebab shops,

or that meat paste you used to have in your sandwiches for packed lunch.

Only thing I'm scared of is losing my Mon.

Monophobia, probably. And that's a big one.

Trouble is, fear can make you do irrational things.

Frank!

Huh? What the...?

Huh? What the...? Three little words.

Just three little words.

Pink Ladies jacket.

That's what you promised me!

December 1st, 1979 outside the ABC, and did I ever get one? No!

What the fuck you on about, Monica?

What the fuck you on about, Monica? You've let me down me whole life!

That's all you've ever done! (SOBS)

You been snorting your HRT again?

Oh, that's right. Blame it on my hormones, just like you always do!

I mean, you know, pink jacket? What the fuck are you on about, Monica?

I'm half-awake here and you're, "Neh, neh, neh, neh!"

It makes you understand OJ fucking...

It makes you understand OJ fucking... I don't feel wanted, Frank!

It makes you understand OJ fucking... I don't feel wanted, Frank! Oh, God! Give it a fucking rest!

You chose meinstead of Sheila...

You chose meinstead of Sheila... I didn't choose you. I chose her.

Anyway, I'm still sleeping with Norma.

Yeah, good on you, bird.

You told him, then? I knew you would.

What do you think of that, then, Frank?

Not quite the king dick you thought you was, eh?

Oh, shut up, Norma!

Why do you always have to be there every time I turn round?

Five, six, seven, ten.

Thank you, love. Come on, love. Bye.

Hey, this ain't right.

Hey, this ain't right. Thanks a lot, love.

Thank you.

Ian says you wanted some...

Ian says you wanted some... Shh. Follow me.

Have you got a job for me?

Have you got a job for me? This way. Come on.

Come on, hurry up.

Come on, hurry up. Where are you taking me, Yvonne?

PHONES RING

HUBBUB

What's all this about?

What's all this about? Call centre. Subcontracted it from Mumbai Telecom.

They can't keep the staff over there.

Who can blame 'em? Being shouted at all day by pig-thick customers

from over here who think they're God. No amount of money's worth that.

So what are you saying? The calls go via India

thenget re-routed back here?

thenget re-routed back here? Yeah. Nice little earner.

Got trouble with IT, though. These computers are shite.

I'll give you ten quid an hour if you sort 'em out for me.

How does it go again, Yvonne, with the phones?

For God's sake, Lilian. You answer the call.

You make out you're Indian, pretending to be English.

And every now and then, chuck summat in about the weather.

Or curry. Or whatever you've had for your lunch.

Something that sounds English.

Nadia'll show you what's wrong with the computers.

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Yes.

I am being very happy to hear from you. Fish and chips.

It's a good job I'm only paying her Mumbai rates.

Excuse me. They won't let us put the data into them properly.

Right. Do you want to show me?

Right. Right, what I thought we'd do, Mon, was, um...

uh, we'd...go out, just you and me,

and talk.And eat...

What with, Frank?

Well...

What are you doing, Monica?

Have you seen this, Frank? Have you seen what Norma got me?

28 years I've waited for you to get me one of these,

and Norma goes and gets it for me just like that.

Well, give her a peanut!

Well, give her a peanut! Hey! Are you calling me a monkey?

The point I'm making, Frank, is that Norma puts herself out for me.

She buys me things.

If a fucking jacket's all it takes...

Oh, you just watch your mouth!

Oh, you just watch your mouth! Oh, piss off, Shrek!

Fucking hell!

And that impresses you, does it?

That what you want?

That what you want? What I want, Frank, is somebody who will fight for me,

and make me feel wanted.

OK. So...

Your name's Lip, isn't it?

Yeah.How do you know that?

I think I've just... Maybe I've seen you around.

I wish I could say the same.

How's it going?

Yeah. Sweet.

No sweat. Should be able to get this sorted.

Right.

See you later, then.

Do you think it'll take long to sort out?

Well...computers are...

prettytricky things.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Are you OK?

Yeah, course I am.

"Are you OK?" Course I'm OK!

Don't let her get to you.

She's only sleeping with Norma cos she buys her things.

But she's doing it for the money.

And Norma's got a wallet-full at the moment.

Back in the game, kid.

Back in the game.

DOG BARKS

BED CREAKS

DISTANT SIRENS WAIL

What the hell are you doing, Frank?

What the hell are you doing, Frank? I... Sorry, I thought I heard a noise.

Fuck off, you did! What you doing, creeping round...

What?

Rape.

What?

RAPE!

Ooh... What did you do that for?

It's all about bottle for you blokes, isn't it?

When the fuck will you learn that no means no?

Fuck you got a gun for?

For when I'm on the run. Bastard truckers try and jump us.

Someone's tried?

Shut up!

And...get your pants off.

Don't fuck me.

Oh, shut up. It's for...for forensics.

I'm taking you down the nick.

SIREN WAILS

God's sake! Liam, come back.

Come on, I'm bleeding to fucking death here.

Shut it, Frank.

Oh, for fuck's sake! Help! Open up!

SIRENS WAIL

Stand back. Let's have a bit of room.

Come on, let's have a little bit of room.

I'm saying me homework blew up.

This is the third one this week. It has gotta be a campaign.

It's just kids, they're bored and get the bangers out.

This is no way just kids, Stan.

Co-ordinated attacks. This could be serious.

No.

Right, we asked you to stay back.

We've got live explosives so, unless you want to lose a limb...

Karen, customers.

Who's in charge here?

I'm exhausted.

Kids and them fireworks. Haven't had a wink of sleep for nights.

That's no fireworks. Just been another one right outside yours.

What do you mean?

Police everywhere, sniffer dogs, the lot.

Oh my God! We're under attack!

What's all the ballyhoo?

Bomb's has gone off or something, somewhere near yours.

Christ!

Bit old for a midnight feast, aren't you?

Have you turfed any pans out?

I've lost something. >

I've lost something. > Your marbles, by the looks of it.

No, it's just the thing I have lost, it's a wee bit important!

I've misplaced...

The thing I've misplaced...

My Semtex, I've lost my Semtex.

You've had Semtex in this house!

You promised never again, Paddy.

It took ages for my eyebrows to grow back after

that fertiliser went off in the airing cupboard.

The Semtex isn't mine.

Remember those two guys who came round with the salmon?

They're not my cousins.

Who are they?