Midnight

The train is in. It is Paris, madame.

Call me in the morning.

Everybody off the train!

Just when I was getting to like the old place, too.

Well!

So this, as they say, is Paris, huh?

Yes, madame.

Well, from here it looks an awful lot like a rainy night in Kokomo, Indiana.

Well, let's wade in.

Can I get your luggage?

I wish you would.

Where is it?

Municipal Pawnshop, Monte Carlo.

So long, handsome!

Taxi, monsieur! Taxi.

Taxi. Taxi. Taxi. Taxi.

Taxi, madame! Taxi! Taxi.

Taxi, madame. Taxi?

No, thank you.

Taxi? Taxi?

Taxi, madame? No.

Madame enjoys the rain, huh?

Here's how things stand.

I could have you drive me all around town, and then tell you I left my purse home

on the grand piano.

There's no grand piano, no home and the purse,

25 centimes with a hole in it. That's what's left of the Peabody stake.

Oh, you have no money, huh?

That's right.

I need a taxi to find myself a job. I need a job to pay for the taxi.

No taxi, no job. No job, no soap.

But if I do promote one, I'll pay you twice what the meter says, see?

Double or nothing. You'll give me the honor

of driving you around while you look for a job, huh?

That's it. And for that you'll pay me double?

Oh, and a great big-daddy tip.

Oh, that sounds like good business!

What do you say?

I say no.

Taxi?

Get in!

No!

Get in!

Only now you don't get that tip.

What kind of work do you want?

Well, at this time of night and in these clothes,

I'm not looking for needlework.

It'd be easier to drink this than read it.

Here we are. Nightclubs.

What are you, a dancer?

Did you ever hear of Eve Peabody, the famous American blues singer?

Nope.

Confidentially, she didn't get to be a blues singer

till she stepped into your cab.

Oh, let's try the Bal Tabarin.

Oh, you have to be pretty good to work there.

Say, do you always travel in an evening dress?

No, I was wearing this in Monte Carlo when a nasty accident occurred.

What happened, a fire?

No.

The roulette system I was playing collapsed under me.

I left the casino with what I had on my back.

Say, is that your last cigarette?

Want it? Thanks.

Matches? No, I got 'em.

Monte Carlo booby prize.

Well, that's the smallest.

I guess mine is strictly a bathtub voice.

Aren't you wet through?

How far do you think "through" is for a woman these days?

Well, where to now?

Oh, no. Eighty francs is enough, Skipper.

I'm sorry I got you into this mess.

That's all right. Where to now?

Back to the station.

What are you going to do back there?

Sit in the waiting room.

Waiting for what?

For tomorrow morning.

This isn't the station! I'm going to buy you

a cheap dinner.

Listen, you lost a gamble. You don't have to feed it.

I don't like to think of a woman sitting around a station

with an empty stomach!

Oh, I know! This is the pumpkin coach

and you're the Fairy Godmother! Cut that stuff out.

It's raining. Come on! Okay, Skipper.

Oh, wait! I forgot my hat.

I wouldn't have taken oysters, only I thought they were on the regular dinner, honest.

Forget it.

No, it was a dirty trick, Skipper.

Say, what's your name? I'm tired of calling you Skipper.

Czerny is the name. Tibor Czerny.

Tea what? Tibor. Tibor Czerny.

I'm Hungarian. Where I come from, they'd think Eve Peabody

is a funny name. Oh, yeah?

May I?

May I?

Oh, sure.

Taxi?

What goes on?

They're beating up the guy that yelled taxi.

Why? He didn't want a taxi.

Then why did he yell for one?

Because I paid him 5 francs.

I'm running into money, Mr. Czerny.

I wish you'd stop talking about money. I'm a rich man.

You? Sure. I need 40 francs a day

and I make 40 francs.

What about that rainy day when it comes?

On a rainy day, I make double.

No bank account, no real estate, no possessions.

Three handkerchiefs, two shirts, one tie, no worries.

Oh, you're talking like a fool.

Listen, if you want peace of mind, get yourself a taxicab.

No woman ever found peace in a taxi. I'm looking for a limousine.

They don't ride any better. Sugar?

They ride better than the subway.

I spent most of my life in a Bronx local.

Squeezed, trampled, stepped on.

One day I said to myself, "That's enough. You're going to get somewhere."

That's why I came abroad. I shipped to London in a can of imported chorines.

You know, most of those gals ended up with a lord or something.

Is that what you call getting somewhere?

It's a step in the right direction.

I landed a lord, almost.

Almost?

Well, the family got between us.

His mother came to my hotel and offered me a bribe.

You threw her out, I hope.

Well, how could I with my hands full of money?

You... You mean, you took the money?

Listen, I've got a few ideas about peace of mind myself.

I carried that cash straight down to Monte Carlo and played it to win.

And lost. Serves you right for wanting something for nothing.

All right. It took me years to realize you just don't fall into a tub of butter.

You jump for it.

You're the one that's talking like a fool now.

No hard feelings, Mr. Czerny?

No.

It's too bad, though.

Do you want some more wine?

Please.

Say, we need some gas.

Where's that railroad station, anyway?

Oh, we've passed that. You're going to sleep at my place.

What was that?

I said you're going to sleep at my place.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Listen, I've got to drive this cab all night.

How do you expect me to keep my mind on my business,

knowing you haven't a roof over your head?

No thanks, Skipper.

Here is the key.

There's a shirt drying over the bathtub. You can sleep in that.

Be out by 7:00 in the morning. Put this under the mat.

No, you'd better keep the key.

Now, don't be a fool.

I've been a fool too long.

Listen, back in New York, whenever I managed

to crash a party full of luscious, big-hearted millionaires,

there was sure to be some snub-faced kid in the orchestra playing traps.

So, around 4:00 in the morning, when the wise girls were skipping off

to Connecticut to marry those millionaires, I'd be with him in some nightspot,

learning tricks on the kettledrum.

And he always had a nose like yours.

Is there anything wrong with my nose?

Yes, I like it.

Do you mind?

We're no good for each other, Skipper. We're going in different directions.

That's what you think.

Oh, come on now.

Turn the cab around.

Nope.

You'd better feed this thing.

Your rear tire looks bad.

Never had a puncture in my life.

Permit me, madame.

Very unfortunate, this rain, madame.

It always rains when Stephanie gives one of her dull parties.

Even nature weeps.

Edouart, stop scratching.

I'm not scratching, Simone. I think I forgot the admission cards.

Admission cards? Stephanie will have them for her own funeral just to keep it chic.

Your wrap, madam.

Oh, yes.

I'm so sorry.

Is this taken?

No, madam.

Thank you.

My dear friends,

the next offering in our little musical program

will be Chopin's 11th Étude, as played by our dear, dear friend,

Prince Potopienko.

It is the 12th Étude, ma chére.

Before we go any further, I'd like your attention one moment more.

Is there anybody in this room named Eve Peabody?

No?

Well, does anyone here know a Miss Eve Peabody?

Well, I won't trouble the rest of you any further.