Another Yeti a Love Story: Life on the Streets

Oh, there you are.

Baby, I was wonderin' where you was.

Oh, what's the matter?

Tell pimp Billy Faunz everything.

Where were you? Come on.

You gotta tell me. Come on.

Where were you?

You best be tellin' me,

because I hate wasting Courvoisier

almost as much as I hate when bitches

ain't give me my money.

You usin' my money to shoot up and get high?

You better not, because I didn't give you permission to get high.

I own that ass.

And I hope that ass is hungry, baby,

'cause I'm gonna feed it my dick.

Oh, my god.

Okay, Ronaldo,

just hold tight.

This will only take about a few more hours.

I cannot wait to see what my penis looks like

- through your eye. - Well,

every time I draw one of these,

I see something new and beautiful.

It is the only thing that keeps me going.

That and obviously

the love for my child.

Hold on one sec. Alister.

Alister,

can we deal with that?

I am so sorry. Daddy duty calls.

Oh, please, don't apologize. I understand.

You draw when you can,

and you father when you have to.

Thank you so much for understanding.

Alister is a lucky guy.

But if you ever feel like jumping ship

and going for a ride

on the u.S.S. Ronaldo fuck ship,

the ship that is my cock,

if you ever want to get away and have sex time

in a maritime location...

Any of this making sense?

You're cute, you're cute, very cute.

No, it doesn't make sense.

Never help me.

Well, I suspect you know the way out.

It is the same as where you came in from.

The door. Remember the door?

Remember when you came in?

Oh, yes, the door. Yeah, sorry.

- All right, see ya. - 'Kay.

No, that's not how we use a door.

- Oh, look. - That is not...

It's like a broken windshield wiper.

That is a... okay.

You are bad at using doors.

- Thank you so much. - How'd I get here again?

I don't know, I'm not a spy,

but I assume you took the train.

Oh, you want your own train?

- Okay. - Okay, bye.

Alister.

Alister.

Alister, are you okay?

Alister, Alister.

What... what... what... What happened?

- Eddie's crying. - Oh, oh, I know.

I was on my way to him and I must have dozed off.

Yeah, because you have, like, narcolepsy,

and you need to see a doctor,

because you're always falling asleep.

Oh, Adam, it's not narcolepsy. It's comfort.

Ever since that tragic accident severed my spine,

I haven't been able to use my legs.

Yeah, I know all of this.

I thought I would want to die.

And then I realized just how comfortable it is.

It's like I'm floating on clouds.

- It's just... sometimes I fall asleep. - Yeah, I get it.

We all fall asleep. Everything falls asleep, okay.

The problem is you fall asleep

when you're not supposed to fall asleep, like in the daytime.

Alister, are you kidding me?

Okay, are you falling asleep like this when I'm at work

and you're supposed to be watching the baby?

No, I would never.

Except all the times that I do.

Come here, you. Come here, you.

Come here, you.

Somebody woke up on the wrong side

of the playpen thingy, didn't they?

Come here. Come here.

Are you hungry? Are you hungry?

Okay, you want some fairy milk?

Yeah.

Slow down, Mr. diarrhea.

You're gonna have a stummy ache

if you keep drinkin' like that.

I think he wants you to tell him his favorite story.

The one about how I came to Los Angeles

alone and pregnant?

- He loves it. - Right, well,

it all started a few years ago.

Hold on.

Tell it with the pictures.

Want the pictures? All right.

All right, you look at the pictures.

Okay, it all started a few years ago

in quatsack, New Hampshire.

It was just going to be a camping trip with some friends,

but then we were attacked by a horrible cult

that was sacrificing...

young frat men to a yeti.

- That was your other daddy, Eddie. - That's right.

You see the yeti,

he was controlled by the cult via magical spell.

He don't wanna do bad things.

He don't wanna hurt anyone, he just wanted to be loved.

And, uh, that's where I came in...

Hey, language.

Into the picture, Alister.

- All right. - I fell

madly in love with your father right away.

Before I met him, I was just an abusive,

homophobic asshole.

And your father, he, uh,

showed me my true self.

He showed me how to love.

This is, uh...

This is the hardest part of the story, buddy.

Your father was shot...

Shot through the heart

by a fearless yeti hunter.

And, uh, even though

our relationship, it was short,

it was very physical,

and it was very passionate,

and I ended up like a lot a girls... i was pregnant.

I was pregnant with you.

And you look just like...

- You look just like him. - And then what happened?

Well, everyone else was brutally murdered,

so your uncle dick and I,

we ended up moving out to Los Angeles to start a new life,

and a local dumb cripple,

he helped up find an apartment,

and through him we met Alister.

And uncle dick lives next door.

Oh, my god.

What's wrong?

It's not working. You're terrible at this.

I've never had any complaints before you.

I've never had a problem finishing before you.

My last girlfriend would do this...

Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't just stick a machete

into my ho-ha and yell,

"I'm your murdered ex-girlfriend Debra!"

Can't or won't?

Why are we always fighting?

I don't know.

It's not you. It's me.

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself.

You're right, it is you.

- Hey. - No, sorry, you're right.

Uh, you, you were right the first time,

not the second time. It's me.

You know how I was betrayed.

What if I never fully love again?

Are you saying you don't fully love me now?

Your words, not mine.

- Where are you going? - I'm gonna take a walk.

So we're not gonna talk about this.

You're just gonna run off.

I said walk. I'm not gonna run.

Do you know how crazy that is?

- I'd be exhausted. - You and your secrets.

What if I were to tell you

that there are things about me that you don't know?

That's ridiculous.

You're a girl.

Girls don't have secrets.

Anyway, this is all...

About me right now.

Catch you on the flop side.

- It's flip side. - Whatever.

Dick.

- Alister, watch his head. - All right.

- Hey. - Uncle dick.

Hi, Eddie.

- What's up, guys? - Uh, the, uh,

boys were just walkin' me to work.

- You wanna join? - Yeah, yeah.

I came over here to talk anyway.

Is everything okay?

No, dude, no.

Uh-oh. Sounds guh-nar.

I just don't get it.

Amanda's pretty, she's beautiful.

She's pretty.