Heart Eyes

Patrick.

Adeline.

This is going to be the

best Valentine's Day ever.

This place is just so gorge.

Of course it is, babe.

I picked it.

What the hell?

I told you not to put it in my food.

Oh shit, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Keep going.

Adeline Delilah Garrett, you're smart.

You're beautiful and perhaps most

important of all, you make me think.

You're my person and I can't

imagine my life without you.

Will you marry me?

Yes, a million times, yes.

Why are you calling me right now?

I didn't get it.

What the fuck do you

mean you didn't get it?

Yeah, I'm sorry, dude.

There was a couple sun flares and like,

could you maybe do it again or?

Why yes, let me repropose to my fucking

girlfriend so you can do your job right.

Technically she's your fiance.

Don't get cute with me.

Do it right this time

or I'll fucking end you.

On Yelp.

Okay, cool, thanks.

I'll talk to you later,

I'm not even on Yelp, dick.

Speak, speak, speak, lovey, lovey, lovey,

and will you marry me?

Yes, a million times, yes.

One second.

Give me that.

Hello?

Nico the photo guy, leave a message.

Are you fucking kidding me?

He's out of the loop.

Hello?

you see here asshole.

I've been planning

this day my whole life.

And you fucking killed him.

You messed with the wrong bride.

You hear me?

You messed with the wrong fucking--

Oh man, you can't be here.

What are you doing?

Hey buddy, you want to

tell me what's going on?

Wait, stop.

Drop the nerve down.

Somebody, please.

Hey there, you motherfucker.

Go away.

Go away.

Go away.

You go away.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, hey.

It's Valentine's Day and the nation is

once again on high alert.

For the past two years, a masked maniac

known as the Heart Eyes Killer.

Or H.E.K. as authorities call him for

short, has emerged on a day meant for

romance to target, hunt

and brutally kill couples.

H.E.K. seems to target cities at random

from a blood-soaked rampage in

the Boston area two years ago.

As well as a second killing spree which

left several dead in

Philadelphia just last year.

Even though he's after couples in love,

let me be perfectly clear about this.

He will kill anyone who gets in his way.

Leaving Americans once again plagued with

anxiety on Cupid's

holiday asking the question.

Where will the Heart

Eyes Killer strike next?

kill your Valentine's Day plans?

Who the hell makes Valentine's Day plans?

Yeah, because holiday sex asks.

Literally.

Valentine's.

I need a low-key scared. The

A.C.E. can't got nothing on me.

Shut up, Dylan.

You're afraid of the dark.

No, I don't.

The Heart Eyes Killer.

So glad I'm single.

I'm gonna celebrate inside.

That dude hunts you.

Rubbing your shitty

PDA all up in airfist.

He only kills

straight people like things.

Whether you're with a partner or looking

for love, stay vigilant.

This Valentine's Day.

Shit.

Nice one, dipshits.

Oh, Cupid shoots you in the dick.

Caramel soy latte for Monica?

Ooh, that's me.

Yeah. Come here.

Why do you look so stressed?

Is it because you're

single again on Valentine's Day?

No, I'm stressed because Crystal just

called an all-hands meeting

and the subject of her email literally

says Ally's campaign.

Mm, I saw that. So I'm fucked.

Okay, worst case scenario, you get fired

and you never work

another day in your life.

Worst case scenario, Crystal

wears my skin as a pantsuit.

Best case scenario, we

got nice skin though.

Boop. You know what? Whatever.

If you go down, I'll

go down with you, okay?

We'll thumb him the way he says shit.

Large I-splendid Americano

with oat milk, 2 honey, 1 sugar.

So are you sure that's yours?

Yes, that is definitely mine.

No one else would order a larger

I-splendid Americano with

oat milk, 2 honey, 1 sugar.

Sugar?

Yeah, look at that. Wow.

Guess we're coffee mates.

Nice dad joke.

Thought I was the only one in the world

with the most obnoxious coffee order.

It's a pretty common order, actually. Can

you guys move? We're busy.

Yes.

Hey, can I interest

you in one of these guys?

Oh, no, I'm okay. Thanks.

Carry my own.

Mm, metal straw.

I hate paper straws. They just turn into

mush in like three seconds.

Yeah, no, I totally

get what you're saying.

It's put all the coffee in a plastic cup,

but hey, as long as the straw is paper,

the planet's saved.

Planet saved.

Mm.

Sugar, though. Want one?

A little slow poison for the pancreas.

Oh!

I'm sorry. No, I'm...

I got it. It's okay.

No, it's totally...

Oh, shit!

Fucking Jesus!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Yeah.

Am I?

Here, shit.

Oh, thank you for that.

I'm gonna go. I'll see

you at work, come on.

Sorry, she's getting fired today.

Exactly one year after a Valentine's Day

massacre left three

couples dead in Boston

and four couples dead in Philadelphia,

the hard-eyes killer has come to Seattle.

Four victims have now been claimed at a

winery, ending one dream engagement...

in a nightmare.

Chief Hartley, is this the

work of the hard-eyes killer?

That's not confirmed at this point, but

given the pattern of

targeting couples on Valentine's Day,

we suspect it's the work of AGK.

What do you have to say to all those

couples out there planning

to celebrate Valentine's Day?

Stay home.