Welcome to Flatch

Hey! Haven't seen you guys in months.

Welcome back.

Yeah, we're having our end of summer town yard sale.

Sales have been quite robust.

I saw it first.

It's my birdbath!

- You know you fighting over a used bidet, right?

'Cause that's a big old badonk.

It's my badonk!

No, it's mine!

- Hey, stop playing with the kitchen gadgets!

Anyway, the town is busier than ever.

Thank goodness it's not bigger, though.

I don't think we could handle any more excitement.

Woo-hoo, Flatch!

Get ready for Barb.

Hold on, camera lady.

I'm feeling a celebratory donut coming on.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah, Flatch!

So here's what's new--

I got my wisdom tooth taken out.

I actually feel smarter than before.

- Yeah, and--and my gap year from art school

is literally crazy perfect.

For starters, Nan went to Mexico for a medical vacation

to get her hips replaced,

and she ended up just loving that tequila

and her new hip so much that she just decided to stay.

So basically, this house is up for sale,

and no one is calling, probably because the phone number's

like a billion digits long.

So I basically get the whole place to myself.

It's my very own crash crib.

Calling it the Shrub Hub.

Members only.

- I'm living the gap year dream.

And I'm getting paid for my art.

So literally suck it, school.

Also, been hanging out with Beth, like, a ton.

- So do you want a Mickey two, three, or four?

- I mean, yeah, she's technically with Mickey, but--

Four.

--Not for long, let's put it that way.

That's a good one.

- But yeah, she's going to fall...

towards me and away from Mickey, so...

Dude!

I found your nan's box of party hats!

Dude, yeah!

Gap year on fuego!

Oh!

- Well, here I am, back in my old hometown.

Ah, I haven't been here for eons.

I been living in Pompano Beach, Florida,

AKA "the Pomp." Ha.

But recently, some things have changed in Barb's life.

I just got separated.

And, I thought it would be a great opportunity

to have a little adventure.

Oops.

Did I do that?

Ha!

I was a pretty big deal back in the day--

Flatch royalty and all.

I just hope I don't draw too much attention.

Come on!

So, big news.

- Cheryl has been living with me at my house.

It's going really well!

- This relaxed, semi-rural life is really growing on me.

You know, I'm trying to be more organic.

I make my own deodorant. Hmm.

And it really works.

- And Cheryl's been raising chickens.

And they have definitely been keeping her busy.

And I am making my own beer.

I'm not sure why it's green, though.

It's a work in progress.

- So yeah, since you guys left, I had a baby.

Psych!

No, can you imagine?

That makes me sick to think about.

Uh, this is my half-sis, Ashlynn.

My dad's been having me watch her a bunch.

He has his hands full with his girlfriend Jessie.

She's super high maintenance.

She, like, puts limes in her water.

It's like, pick a snack or a drink if you want one.

I'm teaching her the ways of the world, you know?

My dad wasn't really around for me growing up,

so same goes for her.

Falls on me to be her mentor.

- Kelly is 100% over-identifying

with that baby.

Shrub, come on!

Push us.

- Please don't film me. Seriously.

Hi. - Oh, my God, Nadine,

you have to get that looked at by a doctor.

- Oh! Hah hah! It's a baby, idiot.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear you're having a baby idiot.

Oh! You just got Shrubbed.

- Look, I'm here on official Historical Society business,

Shrub.

Oh, who's Shrub?

I'm not Shrub.

- Oh, my gosh, just let me in--move!

I need the Flatch cane.

Now that your nan has moved, we need to pass it on

to the next oldest person in town.

- A cane parade! - A cane parade!

Yes! Dude, party!

- The Flatch cane is a tradition we've had

for hundreds of years.

The oldest person in town is the keeper of the cane.

And when they move on to eternal rest,

or Acapulco,

we have a parade to take it to the next oldest person in town.

Now, the cane is going to Old Lady Flatch.

I invited her daughter Barbara

to come be part of the ceremony.

Can you imagine if she comes?

Two Flatches in Flatch.

I have to control my excitement

so I don't go into early labor.

I do not need a Virgo in my life.

- We haven't had a cane parade in forever.

- Yeah. - Everyone dresses up

their cars. - It's like a whole tailgate.

And guess who gets to lead the whole parade this year?

- Basically the youngest member of the family

passes the cane and has to make a speech.

Mickey's done it like four times.

- Yeah, well, obviously I'm gonna be way better

than Mickey on that.

Totally.

It's actually gonna be perfect,

because I'm gonna use the speech

to express my love for Beth

in front of literally everyone in town,

and she's going to fall hard for me all over again.

Chickens are so much fun.

I started with three,

but it's time to expand my brood.

So I ordered a bunch of chicks from this place

It's literally baby chicks that come to the post office.

That's something entirely different, very illegal.

Anyway, so, um, yeah,

now Joe has his flock, and I have mine.

Oh, my God, it's a chicken joke.

I didn't even know. - Ha ha ha ha!

Chickens on the mind.

Mmm.

- Borrowed my dad's truck for the Cane Train.

Course, he's too busy to actually be in the parade.

That's why me and my BFF--

Baby Friend Forever-- are hanging, per "yush."

- And I have been working on my killer speech.

What you got so far?

- Not sharing. - You got nothing.

No, that is--no.

I have nothing.

Beth's gonna see me crumble.

What rhymes with "cane"?

Nothing. It's insane.

I saw the funniest cat video.

Check this out. - Okay, so...

you want the good news or the bad news?

I guess good.

- The town selectmen chose you

for a big, important role in the cane parade.

That's exciting!

Am I in the front, leading my flock?

- Negatory. You're the caboose.

You gotta ride in the back and make sure

nothing big gets left in the road.

It's kind of like a booby prize.

- So really, none of this is good news.

Nope.

Delivering the cane to Mrs. Flatch is a big responsibility.

You want chaos?

You let Kelly and Shrub lead the parade.

That's why I'm taking over as traffic warden

and unofficial parade marshal.

I got a personal investment in this thing running smoothly.

My meemaw was all set to get the cane, like, 100 years ago,

and then some dude's wheel fell off his horse wagon--

stopped the parade dead.

And then by the time they got to meemaw, she was dead, too.

Never again!

Not on my watch.

All right, everyone line up

right in front of Father Joe, way back there.

He's the caboose.

- I should be leading my congregation,

not bringing up the rear.

- Babe, the caboose is still a very special role.

You're the closer.

It's the booby prize.