Robot Chicken

It's alive!

Mother, Father... This is my boyfriend, Mario.

Charmed to finally meet your acquaintance, Mari-- oh!

Did a pig shit out a dead fetus in here?

Oh-ho-ho!

I beg-a you forgiveness.

I come-a here through the sewer line.

Eh?

Mario's a plumber.

So he commutes through human waste?

And he's Italian.

Oh, okay. Say no more.

Did you lose something, Mario?

Hey, hey! I-a found-a one!

Yes.

In our sofa.

And there it goes.

So I says, "Aye, paisan,

toilet paper and-a paper towels-- They ain't the same thing!"

Mm, another clogged toilet story.

What a delightful compliment to our mushroom soup.

Mushrooms?! Ay-yi-yi!

Remind me to bring mushrooms on our honeymoon.

I'm so sorry. I have a few allergies.

Mama mia! Flowers!

Oh! My drapes!

My meat drapes!

Both equally dusty.

Ay-yi-yi!

I, Professor Cornelius Q. Quibblefingers,

will be the first human being to travel back in time

and see the magnificent dinosaurs!

I give you the Delaptadon!

Aah!

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Slight miscalculation.

Science must not be stopped. I shall attempt again.

I give you the mighty Triactador!

I, Professor Cornelius Q. Quibblefingers, shall persevere!

I shall achieve the impossible!

I give you the ever-rare Brontioslauradon!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

I must not stop.

I must get to the magnificent dinosaurs!

Eureka!

Oh, the irony!

So beautiful!

What a marvel of nature!

Frankie? Sweetie?

Oh, mumsy! Oh, dadums!

Oh, God.

Philip and I-- We had a fight... A terrible, terrible fight,

and he -- he broke up with me!

Maybe if you tried dating a girl for once.

Frank! Be nice.

Nice?

Nice is a father who wants his son to have the best of everything

and digs through fresh graves for two weeks--

Two weeks-- to find a big, thick, veiny penis to give him.

And then you go and put the heart of a little schoolgirl in his chest.

I wanted him to have some sensitivity, unlike his father.

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Is there anything we can do?

Oh, mumsy!

He said he never wanted to talk to me again!

And if you were a real man,

you would have ripped off his lower jaw

so he couldn't talk to you, or anyone else, ever!

Oh, dadums--

Dad! Call me Dad! Or Pops!

Or Pa! The old man! Anything!

Frank! But for the love of God--

Stop that, Frank. Can't you see he's in pain?

A pitchfork in the chest-- That's pain, okay?

Somebody lighting your nuts on fire-- That's pain!

Emotional pain.

Hi, Mr. Frankenstein.

Ugh.

Is Frankenberry home?

Philip?

Frankie, I-I'm sorry.

I didn't mean all those things I said.

- There's-- there's just been so much-- - Oh, Philip. I don't care.

I don't want to lose you. You're my yummy mummy.

Ugh. All right.

I'm going upstairs to take a shit.

Maybe I can mold some sort of a real son out of that.

Excuse me, God.

Can you make something so heavy even you can't lift it?

I am fucking eating! Jesus?!

Yes?

Get this guy out of my face.

- All right. Come on. - I thought you were cool, man!

I thought you were gonna be cool.

Throw it in the fire, Mr. Frodo.

No! The ring is mine, Sam!

My precious! Give us back my precious!

Bleh!

We found Hobbitses' finger, but where is my precious?

It's there. It's-- It's just further back.

It's there.

Yeah, right there. But it's stuck.

You'll have to use your tongue and get it all wet.

You're almost there.

Just a little more.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.

Yes!

The shire!

Where's precious?

Here. You've earned it.

My precious!

Whoopsie.

If Hobbitses puts my precious on,

we will have to try and takes it again, won't we?

Mm-hmm.

I got a large double half-caf, non-fat mocha with soy

- for Kltpzysam? - That's Kltpzyxm.

Oh! No, wait!

Better luck next time, Mxyzptlk!

Dude, you can't be back here.

The L.Z. may be swarming with covenant, marines,

but you'll have the master chief backing you up.

I'm sorry I can't show you what I really look like.

Chief, do we have enough ammo for all these--

I'm gonna have to stop you right there, soldier.

I know I look pretty generic, but that's so you can identify with me.