Lord, Give Me Patience (Señor, dame paciencia)

LORD, GIVE ME PATIENCE

Gregorio, my God, turn off that anthem!

What a nightmare! 5 years of that song! I can't take it!

And the years to come, honey. It's a gift from Florentino.

- I want to be buried with it. - Turn it off. It's torture!

Okay, but just so you see what a good husband I am.

- Happy? - I will be when that's gone.

That'll never happen, honey.

The patience you need!

I'm happy, I'm having lunch with your son Carlos. Coming?

- No. - You have to see him sometime.

Now he's turned gay, no way.

Your son's always been gay, but you didn't see it until now.

He was a punk and he got over it.

Is everyone gay now? Impossible.

- I'm meeting Sandra and the Catalan. - I don't know why I married you.

Because I was so handsome.

- I wasn't gay. - That'll be it.

Go on, give me a kiss.

But I'm fed up with you, eh?

- Good morning, Paquito! - Good morning.

Good morning and...?

- And go Madrid. - Go Madrid.

I love fucking with him.

Sorry, Cholo. He makes me say it.

But you know where my heart is.

Atlético and a Cholo man to the death.

Gregorio, I want to start an "after hours".

What's that? A whorehouse?

No, no. It's a bar that opens at 8 in the morning

and is full of kids that pay 7 bucks

for a bottle of water.

It's the business of the century.

So you want my bank to lend you 20,000 euros

to start an "after hours" for unemployed pill poppers,

all with 300 in the bank and no collateral.

- No interest. - Oh, and no interest.

Sorry, I'll take that down.

20,000, no interest. Look, Pablito,

I won't tell you to piss off because we're school pals.

No, I will. Piss off.

Piss off, eh?

Are you taking the door or do I throw you out the window?

- What suits you best? - The door.

- Piss off! - Okay, I'm going.

- You look thin. Are you eating? - Mom, don't be a drag.

- I'll fix you some Tupperware. - Please, Mom.

How are you getting on with that boy?

Great, great. We see each other every day.

- So you're serious. - Yes, very. In fact...

In fact what?

He asked me to marry him.

- And I said yes. - You're getting married?

- I'm getting married. - How long have you known him?

9 months, but when you're in love time is just a word.

And we make a great couple, we really love each other.

I'm glad, but I feel strange that I haven't met him.

- When am I going to? - Today. He's having lunch with us.

Leave my son alone! We don't want to buy anything.

What are you talking about, Mom? This is Eneko.

And who's Eneko?

- Who is he? My boyfriend. - But he's black.

And Basque too.

Basque and black? Black and Basque?

- Basque and black... - Mom.

Mom,Mom! Stop calling him black.

- Will you shut up? - Don't worry, I get it a lot.

My parents are from Senegal, I'm from Bilbao.

That's why I'm Basque.

A Basque accent and everything. How cute.

Sorry, I didn't mean to annoy you by calling you "black" or "Basque".

I'm thrilled to meet my son's boyfriend, of course!

- Let's eat. - Go on.

I have a lot to prepare.

I'll organize your wedding, and it'll outdo Letizia's.

Not so fast. We still have to tell Dad.

Leave your father to me. Let's go!

What is this...? Chinese guy!

- Chinese guy! - He's not Chinese, he's Japanese.

- He's Chinesy. Who cares? - It's not the same thing.

What does sir wish?

Can you slow down this train? The dishes look like racing cars.

By the time you decide, that fat guy's eaten it.

Sorry, sir, it's one speed. I'll bring you what you like.

Steak, stew and Burgos black pudding.

I'm sorry, we only have Japanese food here.

- Sure... And in China you always...? - I don't know.

- I'm Spanish. - "Spanish", he says.

Anything else you'd like, sir?

Yes. Santiago Tart, but you don't have it, so nothing.

We're going to end up at Christmas with apple pie going round in circles.

Okay, Dad, I won't bring you back here. No more Japanese food. Don't get mad.

- We have good news, right? - Right.

- Oh, yes? - Yes.

I've been promoted to head nurse.

- Oh? That's great. - Yes.

And we're moving to Barcelona.

Barcelona?

Jordi has accepted a transfer to La Caixa

and we move in two months.

I'm looking for an apartment, next to Camp Nou.

Or Campo Nuevo... You have to translate everything.

No, Camp Nou, where we won the "triplet" and the "sextet".

Sextet is "sexteto".

You've never won in your life, so you don't care how I say it.

But we've got 11 European Cups. How many have you got?

That's enough!

- You're not happy about it? - Of course I am.

It doesn't look like it.

I don't want to have to use my passport when I visit my daughter in Barcelona.

Don't start with the separatism thing again.

Again? It's the Catalans that are obsessed with it.

Don't get me involved, I'm neutral.

You can't be neutral in life, you have to choose:

Barça or Madrid, right or left,

cat food or a steak. I'm going for a sandwich.

I don't like this fun ride.

- Dad, don't go... - Come on now...

Well then...

we'll tell him you're pregnant some other time.

That'd be better.

But my son's going to be a Barça fan.

And he'll go to English-Catalan school, however mad your dad gets.

Oh, yes? And you're going to tell him, honey?

- Or the boy can when he can speak. - Oh, great.

BANKERS ARE GOOD, HONORABLE PEOPLE

Honey, do you know when our passports expire?

No. Why?

We'll need them when we have to go to Catalonia to see Sandra.

Don't talk nonsense!

It's not, the Catalans are advancing,

taking positions and they'll catch us in our pajamas.

Instead of worrying about the Catalan future,

worry about your son. 6 months since you've seen him!

- Don't start on that again. - Don't start?

I'm sick of being in the middle!

Don't get upset. Remember what the cardiologist said.

I'd rather a heart attack

than to sit idly by and see this family fall apart.

I can't take it anymore! And just so you know,

I've invited the kids and their boyfriends to lunch on Sunday.

This nonsense of yours has to stop.

- Who has a boyfriend, Alicia or Carlos? - Both!

Alicia doesn't worry me, she'll have a normal boyfriend,

with two degrees, a posh name, from a good family, as it should be.

Yes, as it should be.

- Leo! - What's with the "exorcism"?

I can't stand this smell. Open the window.

You can't open the window.

The system has drones that spy on us.

Drones?

What system? What drones?

All you do is play video games and watch series.

Don't wash that, I can wear it again.

And I don't do anything?

I'm an anti-establishment activist on the social networks.

But you're not on the Internet and you can't use Twitter.

Twitter's really complicated. Let me help you.

And it's another tool of the system to control you.

Besides, 140 characters. That's too short.

I've got a lotto contribute. I'm into love, not war.

I want to go home.

Don't go, babe.

- See you tomorrow, babe? - Well...

I wanted to talk to you about that.

I was thinking...

Ever since I picked you up in that bar, I get you hornier every day, huh?

- No. - No?

No.

Never mind. See you tomorrow.

Okay.

Good night, babe

Don't you want to stay for dinner?

It's German sausage month at Lidl.

I've got 20 bottles of them, all colors, all flavors.

Then we can drink the liquid.

That's disgusting.

I'll have dinner at home.

Alright, good night.

Well, you can't fuck every day.

- Hello, Paco! Good morning. - Good morning. And go Madrid.

My husband's not with me. Relax.

Then good morning and...

Ole, ole, ole! Cholo Simeone!

If he hears us, he'll kill us both.

I don't care, I'm Atleti to the death. To the dea...!

Good morning, Don Gregorio. And go Madrid.

- What a guy. Where are you going? - To do the morning shopping.

I was thinking it over...

Carlos' fella, apart from being... What's he like?

A teacher, like him. They fell in love during a course...

No, I don't want to know. And Alicia's guy?

Is he a doctor, an architect? Does he have a lot of surnames?

I don't know, he's an entrepreneur, he does a bit of everything.

- What's "a bit of everything"? - It's "a bit of everything".

- Paco, can you go? - Whatever you say.

- What a guy. - I'm going, my morning's slipping by.

Goodbye.

Well...

Children