Life & Beth

Go outside.

Go outside, Ann.

You coulda got there.

Sorry!

Car!

- If you wanna be good, you gotta work harder than everybody else.

You have to be tougher. You have to be braver,

even if you really aren't.

You understand? - Okay, yeah.

Alright, let's go again.

Okay. - Okay.

- That's okay! - Okay.

- We got this. We got this. - Yeah.

God, this place is insane.

John? What the hell are you doing?

What?! I can't hear you!

- You should come up. The doula's gonna be here.

- I can't hear you, but go inside! The doula will be here soon!

My God!

- You must be Beth. - Yeah.

I'm Autumn,

your doula.

Yes. God.

Y-You're so--

I know.

- Here, please sit. - Great. Great.

Let me just get you comfortable.

Lean forward. You can just put your head in my hand.

- Okay. - The full weight.

- Okay. - Doesn't that feel good?

Yeah, it's great.

Okay. And back.

Wow. Thank you.

- Wow, your skin. - Thank you.

You're very dehydrated.

I'm gonna get you some water.

- Um-- - Is room temp okay?

Yeah. That's amazing.

U-Um.

So, do I just, like, ask you

questions or?

Think of me as a resource of information

for all things pregnancy

and birth related.

My sole purpose is to advocate for you

and to make you comfortable.

That's amazing.

Wow. This is so good.

This is just from the sink?

- God, this all feels like a dream. Just this house and you and--

It's just a lot of eye contact.

You're uncomfortable with eye contact?

No! No, no, no. I-I'm, I'm not.

My husband, John, he-he's

...out there, um...

...on the spectrum.

- How many people can be in the birthing room?

Two.

So that's me and your partner.

Okay.

- There's someone else you wanted in the room.

Well, I was thinking about my sister.

But we're not even talking right now, so she's--

It's, it's cool. Two is good. Two's right.

Yeah. - Have you been doing perineal massage?

Do you know what that is?

- Perineal is-- - Yes. So--

- With flowers? - No, no, no.

Something that can happen... - Yeah.

...it's, it's not a big deal.

It does happen sometimes, is tearing, right?

What we don't want to happen is extreme tearing.

A level... three to five.

We don't wanna tear from taint to asshole

'cause it's,

it's something that's so preventable. So, you take some oil.

You have to put it on the back of your pussy, right?

You're gonna rub it on the back of your pussy,

so that it opens up, it stretches it.

We wanna improve the e-elasticity of your pussy,

so that it can expand with your baby's head,

which, to me, looks big.

Ann isn't getting back to me.

Have you heard of perineal massage?

What is that?

Nothing.

Like a massage you get every year?

It sounds like you really liked her.

My God. She made me so calm.

Thank you for getting her. - Good.

Well, I know I don't always say the right thing to calm you down,

so I figured we should hire someone who can.

Babe, that's really sweet.

You say the right thing.

Yeah. - I'm so glad we came up here.

- I know. - Look how beautiful this is.

- Wow. - This was a good idea.

What?

What? What?

- No, no. It's-- I think it was, like-- - My God, your water broke!

- Did it? God. It was like... - Come on.

- ...a contraction or something. - We have to go. Should I carry you?

- No! No, stop. Get-- I'm fine. - Okay, okay, okay. Relax.

- Let's calmly walk to the house. Yes. - Relax. Yes, yes.

Okay. Okay. - Okay.

- Wait! - What?

Fox!

- You see a fox? Where? Just-- - Yes. Three o'clock.

- W-- Can you point? - That would be-- I see it.

- I'm pointing with my nose. - I see-- No, I see it. That's not--

- Whose three o'clock is that? - That's, that's a different one.

There was one over there, too. - That's not-- Okay.

Alright, let's go. This is it.

This is it!

- This isn't it. You've probably got a week to go.

- You're just dehydrated. I'm gonna grab you an IV.

Wait, didn't my water break?

Ya pissed yourself.

Okay.

Babe, I think I-I-I wanna go home.

Like, home home.

I-I don't think I wanna be, like,

giving birth out here. I want, like, a hospital.

Ya know, machines and beeping and drugs and--

I-I wanna get a sch-- a scheduled C-section.

- Yeah. - Ya know? Like,

I think that's my

...birth plan.

Then that's what we'll do.

I'll start packing. - Yeah. It's a good birth plan, right?

To not die?

I like it.

Yeah, this feels like the right move.

- Yeah, I'm so glad we're going home. - Me too.

- Shit. - What?

- Well, now we're gonna be in town for Jen's 40th birthday.

It's, like, a surprise.

I feel like we have to go.

- It's easy to get out of it. No one knows we aren't upstate.

I told, I told all them.

We'll just go. - Alright.

Let's go. - Yeah.

I texted my sister, too. She's not writing me back, of course.

My God.

No, Beth. Beth, please don't say anything.

Beth! - Stay down.

Stay down.

Okay.

Hi, Beth! Is Annie with you?

- I-- Is Tracy home? I was-- I just wanted to ask her about,

um, joining the Girl Scouts.

Yeah. She's up there with her friend.

- Okay. - Annie should come over.

How's your mom?

Hi, Tracy.

- Hi-- - Don't talk.

Who are you?

- Meegan. - Okay.

What happened today?

What did you do to my sister?

Tell the truth, Meegan.

We put thumbtacks on her chair.

And whose idea was that, Meegan?

Yeah, I fuckin' knew it was you.

I knew.

I just wanted you to know that your friends are fake.

They're gonna fuckin' sell you out. Isn't that right, Meegan?

So if I hear that you ever pull any shit like that again,

...or even so much as give my sister a dirty look,

...I will come over here, right to your house,

and I will scalp the both of you.

Do you little girls know what that means?

- It mea-- - Don't talk.

It means that I will come here,

and I will cut off the top of your hair

on your little, tiny heads.

Do you little bitches understand me?

Do you guys fucking understand?! Talk!

- Yes. - Yes. I understand.

Good.

Now, please consider joining us in the Girl Scouts of America.

Beth, what did you say?

What did you say?! - Nothing.

- Beth, did you yell at them? My God. - Put your seatbelt on.

- Do you really have to go away to college?

My God.

What do you think?

You did it.

I-It's incredible, John.

- Well, it was, it was actually pretty much done

before we headed upstate, but... - God, look at this.

- ...I just had to get in here and clean up,

and then Cole put the finishing touches on everything.

Yeah, I see that. This is awful.

Yeah, they squirted all over the place.

My God. You did it.

Yeah, Cole said that my job will be there waiting for me

whenever I'm done making "milk with my titties."

- That's good. - John.

I'm so sorry I didn't believe in you.