Tapas

"EDGARDO SAYS:"

Who'd leave their dog...? What a lovely boy.

Come here.

Come on.

Why are you doing that when there are other things to do?

We need some omelets.

Do one with cod, one with garlic...

and two with potatoes, one without onion.

Did you get the pickled tuna?

- All right, I'll do it. - Lolo!

Shit, I can't cope.

I'm still hung over from last night.

I feel awful. I didn't sleep a wink.

We'll need things for your birthday party.

Shit, let me recover before we talk about that, will you?

It's only a few days away.

I'll look after the catering.

- You're getting too old for things. - Screw you.

I got the tent. It's fantastic, big enough for three.

- Did you get the sleeping bags? - Not yet.

Where did you say the campsite was?

A mile from Benicassim, near the festival.

And full of Italian chicks.

Didn't you prefer Dutch girls?

They're sluts. Their folks give them contraceptives when they reach 13.

But they come in June with the German girls, who have bigger tits.

In July, English girls. They get drunk and fuck anything that moves.

In August, the Italian and French girls.

They're tighter but not bad. Pizza and champagne, kid!

If you don't get laid in Spain in summer it's because you're stupid.

Opo.

You're out of your head.

- 100g of ham. Anything else? - No, dear. Here.

- Your pension goes a long way. - I can't even feed the cats with it.

This is savings.

- Careful with this 20 cent piece. - All this progress...

and we go back to cents. - I haven't seen Mariano lately.

- How is he? - Fine. Just fine.

He doesn't like the heat so he stays in.

- Right. - Maybe it'll turn cooler soon.

He hates this heat. Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

My turn. 400g of chickpeas, some olives...

and some cheap anchovies. I've got no savings.

You heard Conchi. You can't live on the pension they give you.

- And no kids to help her out. - Maybe that's why she has savings.

It's just the two of them. With my three I spend everything.

You're only happy when you're complaining.

It's all right for Raquel.

She's on her own. It's two years since Santi left you, right?

I mean... since you split up.

That's it. Anything else?

No, nothing else.

Lolo, the coffee's boiling over.

You're losing it, mate!

Here's your tuna roll. Don't you start too!

- What's the matter? - I'm on my own!

- What about Rosalia? - She's gone shopping.

- Do I get that cuttlefish or what? - It's coming, damnit!

Rosalia.

Rosalia, where are you?

Rosalla.

Shit, Rosalla, there's a lot to do.

Well listen...

When you stop sulking...

get some anchovies and bring them over.

Four weeks on a ship? Shit!

My folks preferred four weeks on a ship to starving.

- Your health, sir. - Cheers.

It's hot, isn't it?

I've got cancer.

And, to cap it all, the doctor says stop smoking.

- Know what I said to him? - No.

"Doctor, why wipe my ass if I'm already in the toilet?"

That's telling him!

I've got...

maybe two months.

And with this heat, it's going to be pretty bad.

Yeah, it's too hot. It's the ozone layer.

They've started giving me drugs. So I won't realize.

They give you drugs?

That's fucking great!

Mariano, put the cigarette out.

- What are you doing here? - Nothing. I...

Nothing, woman. The boy's keeping me company.

Come here, Opo.

- You know I don't want you here. - I like talking to Mariano.

I came for something special. It's Cesar's birthday.

He's getting older. And with supply and demand how it is...

I wouldn't want to end up with nothing.

- What do you want? - 30 "Mitsubishis".

30 "Mitsubishis"?

My goodness. That's a lot.

- There are a lot of us. - I see.

How about some "Simpsons"?

The gang gets too wild on those. The other day, Xavi took one and...

- When do you want them for? - Saturday.

Saturday?

- I'll see what I can do. - Okay.

By the way, Mariano went over the top today.

He told me some story...

Did he? What did he tell you?

He said he's got cancer and that they give him drugs.

Anyway, I'm off. Bye.

Mariano! Have you gone mad? Look what you've done!

- Hello, Montse. - Lolo. How're things?

- I need some anchovies. - No problem.

Montse, a kilo of anchovies for Lolo.

Hey, Eloy, I wanted to ask you something.

Do you know of a cook who could help me out at the bar for a few days?

Have you sent your wife on holiday?

No. She's sick.

Don't you close in August?

You won't find a cook now who'll work for just 3 or 4 days.

I was thinking of staying open another 2 weeks.

I don't want to close the whole month.

If your wife's sick, you should.

Yes, well, I have to go and open.

- Chalk it up. - If I hear of one, I'll call you.

And look after that wife of yours.

Okay, okay.

THINGS ARE STILL BAD IN BUENOS AIRES.

I KNOW.

I'M TRYING TO GET DUAL NATIONALITY.

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT AUGUST? IT'S TOO HOT.

AFRAID TO MEET ME FACE TO FACE?

IT'S LATE. I HAVE TO GO.

When an old elephant senses that his time has come...

he chooses a younger elephant to accompany him and leaves the herd...

on what will be his last journey.

They will walk across the savannah...

- You don't look too good. - I couldn't sleep.

- It's the heat. - Maybe someone wouldn't let her.

No, I really couldn't sleep.

Only joking. But being on your own you can do what you want.

Sure. The advantages of separation, you know.

Well?

Two tins of sardines and some sausage.

- You're better off on your own. - It's worth it in the end.

The trouble men give...

It's good to have a man at hand when the tap's broken.

- True. - What do you do then?

- I turn on another. What else? - 200g of mortadella.

My Cesar's the handyman at home. His father's useless.

- He can fix anything. - He could fix Raquel's video.

- It's broken, isn't it? - Yes.

- I'll tell him to call in. - No.

Don't bother, I hardly use it.

The odd dirty film can brighten up your life.

Really!

- Yes, I'll tell him to call in. - Whatever.

- Anything else? - Some eggs.

Feel that. Just like Bruce Lee.

From all the hand movement.

Look.

I'm getting one of these.

- You're getting a nunchaku? - Yeah. So?

Self-defense, kid. And it's a martial art like judo or karate.

But discredited by louts with broom handles and toilet chains.

Bruce Lee got killed by a nunchaku, didn't he?

What are you saying!

That was a cover-up.

Bruce Lee was killed by a Hollywood producer...

who wanted Chuck Norris to be the new martial arts king.

They didn't want a Chinese as the hero.

That's why David Carradine was the Grasshopper.

- Who? - David Carradine. Kill Bill.

Ah, Kill Bill. But Kill Bill was Chinese.

Of course he wasn't Chinese.

His name was David Carradine. Car-ra-dine.

Anyway, they took slant-eyed actors because there was "chinaphobia".

Being killed was the best thing for the Master.

Better than Norris's shopping channel.

What do you mean? Chuck Norris keeps really well.

- Does he? - Yeah!

- He's got a fine physique. - Now this is a fine physique.

- Chuck Norris? No way! - You just watch yourself, Opo.

Watch yourself.

Hello. A beer.

I'm out of draught. It'll have to be bottled.

Give me a small one. What "tapas" have you got?

- Those there. - I see. A packet of crisps.

- The octopus is fresh. - Sure. I'll have the crisps.

Shit.

Conchi, how you doing?

- You know, kid. It's hot. - Yeah.

The money for the coffee.

- Okay. - Bye.

- Morning, madam. - Morning.

Hello, boy.

- Yes? - It's Cesar, Carmen's son.

- About the video. - Right. Come In.

Turn that off.

That's it.

- I need to take it away. - Okay.

The heads might be dirty, but it's a good video.

Yes. I haven't used it much lately.

I'll have to open it. I'll bring it back in a few days.

Okay. Shall I give you some money now...?

No.